Christmas

my holidays have never been this good! have a very merry Christmas indeed, and no, there is no mark of sarcasm.

last night, i laid a cushion outside our room and stayed there for about thirty(30) minutes or so looking at the night sky filled with stars. we usually do this in DLSU, sa ampi. and we get to see a lot of shooting stars. last night i saw one... a red one. it was short but i made my wish. and then i thought about what Mrs. Ang, our LITERA1 prof told us when we read "Dead Stars" by Paz Marquez i think... half of the stars we see at night are already dead. they twinkle or shed light to us because it takes light years for the light to reach our planet. then i thought what it has to do with me and everything that's happening around me at that time...

and then i thought, nothing... i didn't need to be dead to shed light to others, i didn't need to be dead or take up a long time before i can make others smile. i just needed to be me right now... and i know i am going nowhere with this. but the bottom line is, i realized how nice it is to be alive and to be with someone other than myself.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

and thank you baby for making this a very special Christmas...

less papers...

vortex has been moved due to "typhoon"... take note of the quote and quote!!!

anyway, papers has been done and lessened to a matengi paper and a 20-pt bonus problem set in elecone... next week is exam week and after that is vortex and doomsday number 5 (meaning 5th course card distribution)!!! this week, it's just the last meetings in every subject...

time flies so fast when you're having fun... and i do mean fun! despite the paper works, the cramming, the results... i still have my fun! maybe those of you who often see me can notice that my phone doesn't stop from lighting up... it doesn't beep nor vibrate... it just lights up and yet i can't seem to figure out if its the battery that has a problem or my constant texting... haha! either way, my phone gets a DAILY charging...

oh well, visit http://petmysh.multiply.com! and have fun with our daily pictures in la salle... i don't need to write it down here because a picture costs a thousand words right? you can see we really have a lot of fun!

time for my greetings!

3.Dec - Happy Birthday to my beloved cousin, Scott!!!
6.Dec - Happy Birthday Herschel!!!
6.Dec - Happy Birthday Maxi!!! i miss your huggies!!!
7.Dec - Happy Birthday Lyni!!!

papers

papers papers and more papers! that's what's in for us for next week and the following week! thank goodness mps are done except for the exam and the workpiece!!!

anyway, after a hellish week with 3 tests last monday, 1 yesterday, we spent tonight with a movie, the return, and was hoping to party the night away tomorrow night... but because of typhoon something, vortex was postponed to a later date... (probably after finals na daw!) so there... a very long weekend up ahead and guess where i'l be spending everywaking minute of it??? yep, that's right... in front of the ps2 for tomorrow... playing kingdom hearts 2... in front of the computer for friday and saturday writing my reaction for each experiment in lbymemg, reaction paper on cim seminar and my critiques for matengi... then on saturday, maybe start on my macpro2 case study type final paper!

as of now... check out my multiply!!! http://petmysh.multiply.com/

nov 18 2006

nobody can ever imagine how much fun i had yesterday! usual day out and stuff, but i don't know, it's actually more fun than most...definitely!

after fetching bo and marrion from DLSU, we went to the world trade center for the hero anime convention. long line going in, long line for the tix and definitely a lot of people inside! cosplayers everywhere, anime booths and a lot more! from around 1130 am til 0500 pm we were there looking at the booths for stuff to buy, watching the ongoing shows, looking at displays, for thems guys(marrion, x and jm) taking pictures with cosplayers and for me, having my chibi drawn! :D

then we went to glorietta... we went there by bus, my first ever bus experience (besides school buses). this is my only reaction, i don't want to ride a bus ever again! cab please! :D so in glorietta, we were to watch the animax fashion ability fashion show but ended up eating in mongkok for an hour (sorry na po... tagal ko kumain e :P) then going back to the activity center to catch pupil perform i don't know how many songs! haha! :D then watched the awarding then done! after that, all we did was to play at timezone, window shop... window shop and window shop some more... what else could we do? no cash! haha! :D

thanks guys!

Oh yeah, happy birthday Ken-ken! (dapat kahapon ito pero hindi ako makaconnect sa net e :( )

eekers

after 9 months!!! finally!

ok, don't think about it already cause i ain't gonna tell either! :P anyway, everyday is just your normal day passing by... and now i've got the colds! constant sneezing, coughing and sniffling... that's the sign of... "the colds!" haha! but this is no fun i tell you! yesterday after classes, i went home asap and guess what, i collapsed right away! so it's night night myshie! :P

besides the cold, i've got great news! since friday, i've been playing kingdom hearts 2 but i promised myself to give in to a little discipline and play it just during fridays to sundays. i still got final fantasy 12 to play next! and i've got the oc seasons 1-3 to watch... pia carrot and green green too! :D

besides all that, i've got a book report to write for litera and 4 journal critiques to write for matengi due the week before finals i think :P but right now, i really am enjoying my life... and i do mean the word ENJOY! :D

hating hamburgers

you know what i hate the most?! it's frozen hamburgers and a dull knife!

this morning i was preparing my lunch and my breakfast. i thought about cooking some burgers for lunch and i took it out to thaw for awhile and got the dullest knife around. the knife can't even chop a calamansi into two so i was quite confident that it was too dull to cut my skin up...

carelessly, it slipped and cut my left pinkie! and the whole day, i have spent 6 band aids to wrap it up. yep, it's gruesome and definitely painful! the first thing i did when i realized that i have cut myself was to stare at it and weakened. i am afraid of seeing cuts and blood coming out of my skin! or even others... then after a minute of shock, i was walking aroung the kitchen saying "oh my gosh oh my gosh" over and over again holding my pinkie up. i thought that it might come off because the cut was so deep. when i finally thought of cleaning it up, i washed it for around 2 seconds and wrapped it up in a band aid already. ok, stupid me... i don't know any first aid so i panicked!

when i got to school, everyone was just telling me how i should have acted and then again, i was in shock and i was panicking... i also have my weaknesses, and so i admit, i need a keeper... i went to the clinic to have it cleaned after lunch... betadine wasn't supposed to hurt much but tears were welling up on my eyes when i got out... it really hurts!

so here i am with a spongebob squarepants band aid to cover up the gruesome cut... hope it closes up soon! i don't want to see it everytime i need to change the band aid...

told post

i was feeling kind of down last saturday night and i texted 2 dear friends of mine about it... well, the other one, JM, was new to this situation i guess... he didn't really know the details but here comes mama Tep. I know she's so used to this rants of mine that all she asked me to do was to write about it in my blog... so here it is.

i was channel surfing that night and since it is a saturday, all usual tv series are not on. so i tuned in to hbo, cinemax and star movies hoping to stumble upon a movie that would keep my interest up. and the channel stopped at star movies. the movie was just starting but i know what it is... not because i've seen it in commercials but because somehow, it became a very memorable movie for me. it was 'guess who' staring ashton kutcher and bernie mac.

trust me, i tried changing the channel to prevent me from remembering stuff but i couldn't! i couldn't just log out of the television set nor the channel and the movie. i was hooked. so after the movie, i really tried to stay strong but broke down instead...

i am moving on... trust me i am. but sometimes it's just hard to just let go of everything especially when everything meant something to you... the way i treasured every moment and every second of it certainly might have meant something FOR me. that's it really... so i'm sorry...

crying is useless... it didn;t bring me any good then and it won't bring me any good now...

rest and relaxation...

have you ever heard of the phrase "r and r"??? no, i don't mean read and review just like in my fictions... it's all about rest and relaxation.

lately i have been bombarded with non-stop assignments, tests and 'needed' attendance on meetings and pictorials. to top it all up, oct 7 and today i spent my saturdays in school as well for orient2. 2 saturdays of business attire and semi-formal. it's ok i guess... even though i know i have thrown away 4 quizzes down the drain already just to catch up on my 'r&r' for a day or two... heck! last monday we had 4 quizzes in one day! 2 25% quizzes for engcomp (1 lab and 1 lecture), 1 20% quiz for litera1 and a hundred percent 3 item quiz for mecatwo. i was in school until 0745 in the evening taking my mecatwo test... it's actually supposed to be until 0900 but i finished the exam in 45 minutes simply because i was drained to the bone! then tuesday we were supposed to have two quizzes but both were cancelled and then materials lab. thursday was our test for elecone and 2 labs followed... lbyece1 and our mach lab! lathe machines... haha! i'm having so much fun with the lathe machine and i think i'm almost done with my plumb bob (i don't know how it is spelled) but sadly, we don't have a lab next week... so for one more week, we are delayed again!!!

and luckily, my baby is all healed thanks to the medicine my dad gave me and mark's advice!

so, right now, there's no more orient2 for next saturday... no more quizzes scheduled for next week and i have nothing to look forward to except a full week to myself... rest and relaxation, i really need to catch up!

bugged

my baby has been sick since last two sundays ago! sure, i'm doing something... i'm cleaning him up but i think it's not lessening the bug that its caught.

anyway, i have been really bitter these last few days... i know i have no right to be bitter about it and i have options not to notice it... but it's there and it's really pissing me off!!!

bitter, yes. i am bitter

waiting for CROSS

i just can't stop thinking about James Patterson's Alex Cross series... it's been in my wishlist for almost more than a year now and basically, i have read every book released. in fact, i just finished reading Mary Mary last night... i can't stop it, what can i say? it's my addiction! anyway, here's the new thing, the latest chapter of the series... CROSS.

from the publisher:

"Alex Cross was a rising star in the Washington, DC, Police Department when an unknown shooter gunned down his wife, Maria, in front of him. The killer was never found, and the case turned cold, filed among the unsolved drive-bys in D.C.'s rough neighborhoods.
Years later, still haunted by his wife's death, Cross is making a bold move in his life. Now a free agent from the police and the FBI, he's set up practice as a psychologist once again. His life with Nana Mama, Damon, Jannie, and little Alex is finally getting in order. He even has a chance at a new love.
Then Cross's former partner, John Sampson, calls in a favor. He is tracking a serial rapist in Georgetown, one whose brutal modus operandi recalls a case Sampson and Cross worked together years earlier. When the case reveals a connection to Maria's death, Cross latches on for the most urgent and terrifying ride of his life.
From the man USA TODAY has called the "master of the genre," CROSS is the high-velocity thriller James Patterson and Alex Cross's fans have waited years to read--and the pinnacle of the bestselling detective series of the past two decades."

i can't wait for november! i just wish i can earn around 1000 big ones just in time to buy even the hard bound copy! can't wait!!!

source: www.barnesandnoble.com

nightmares

lately i have just been taking articles from the internet that have caught my attention. some information overload even for me. been reading books non stop actually, that's why there are a lot of things that had been introduced to me. but in reality, what has been happening in my life has nothing to do with the books that i'm reading or even the anime and series that i have been watching...

sem break is finally over as the clock reaches 0810 am tomorrow. i will be spending 3 more months sitting in a cramped classroom (although it is big) while letting the professor in front load my brain for the future that i have chosen, or so i believe. but every night, there are things that are strange and even i can't tell why they are happening... and these are my regular nightmares.

some people have good dreams... sweet fairytale like dreams... but mine are always nightmares. i find myself waking up in the middle of the night because of a bad dream. what are these nightmares? diffeerent kinds. sometimes it's just like in the book that i'm reading bad guys in killing sprees and are definitely psyhopaths, sometimes things that i have hidden from everyone else that are suddenly found and published for the whole world or at least all those i know to know what these are, sometimes someone just walking out of my life and sometimes fragments of what i have lost in the past...

so what are nightmares anyway? and why am i having them? according to http://www.dreammoods.com/ "The distinction of a nightmare is its frightening and/or emotional content. You tend to wake up in fear in the midst of a nightmare. Because of its frightening nature, you tend to remember your nightmares and the vivid details. They have a bigger impact upon your waking mind and its images stay with you throughout the day. One reason for nightmares may be a way of our unconscious to get our attention about a situation or problem that you have been avoiding. It is time to take notice and confront a problem or situation. Nightmares serve an important purpose in showing you what is troubling you from within you deeper levels. Discussing, analyzing, and understanding your nightmares can lead to a solution for some problem, internal conflict or personal difficulty. Having nightmares are normal, but a high frequency of nightmares can be a sign of being overwhelmed and excessive stress which should be dealt with. Nightmares can be an important resource for self-knowledge and emotional discovery. They convey an important message and help clear up the conflict in your life. it is important to distance yourself and work pass the emotional content (fear, grief, anger, etc.) of your nightmare and analyze it from an objective perspective. The disturbing emotions may be a way for your unconscious to prevent you from digging deep into the meaning of your nightmares. But it pays to try and make sense of those darker dreams. "

so, am i supposed to do this even though i don't really know what is bothering me???

full moon wo sagashite

Eternal Snow

I'm falling in love with you, and which will come to pass?
Will the feeling do nothing but swell, or
Will you notice it
Even though I've never said anything?

Like snow, but quietly
It continues to pile up

Hold me tight if I think like this
I didn't want to know
What it was like to fall in love with someone
I love you; my tears won't stop
Therefore, I should be free of you

How long will I keep thinking of you?
My sigh makes the window glass fog up

Now, a burning candle
Can't melt my shaking heart anymore?

Hold me tight, strong enough to break me
If we meet in a biting cold blizzard
I won't feel cold, and
I miss you everytime I think of you
This scarf that I knit for you
I'm holding it alone tonight

If there were an eternally falling snow
This feeling I have for you, could I hide it?

Hold me tight if I think like this
I didn't want to know
What it was like to fall in love with someone
I love you; my chest fills up
I want to cry out to the winter sky
I want to see you now

New Future

Just one thing doesn't change
That dream I painted
How did I appear as I am now
In my young eyes back then
Hey, look up at it, it's such a vast night sky
So that soon, so that you understand
You will shine at your best soon so hurry
Look for the FULL MOON

Let's sing a song!
Together forever Everything I can do for you right now
Day by day
Your destiny until now From tomorrow, clutch your hopes to your chest
Let's sing a song!
Together forever If I'm with you I can overcome any hardship
More and more
More and more and more I want to be closer Please stay right here
many thanks for you!

Wonderous chance meetings
As long as they keep happening
We have ever more precious things
All those days full of chance mischief
Now I can laugh and love them
That's right, I always yearned for the wide stage
Now I'm no longer alone
Everyone is full of smiles
Because this is where I am

Let's sing a song
Tonight, rather than the spotlight, it's me that will shine now
Day by day
Those passionate looks and cheers shine upon my streaming sweat
Let's sing a song
Tonight I want to believe there are never ending burning thoughts
More and more
More and more and more I want to scream this song, this dream will
never end

Myself

Why, oh why do I love you so much?
My tears overflow this much

Back in that time, there was so much to lose that I couldn't sing
anything
A place just a little ways away--That was where I was

That day, deep in your eyes, I saw the loneliness
Are the two of us really alike?
If I'd realized it, you were always by my side

Why do I love you so much?
Your voice rings inside me so much it makes me sad
Just what it was that supported me so much
From afar, I realize it now

Like a lost child, crying and searching
But there was no such thing as forever

"It's okay if you don't believe in anyone" you whispered
Were the two of us really alike?
And I decided then I would protect you

Why can't I turn them to memories
You're too far, too near for me to reach
The more I tell myself "I will forget"
The larger you loom in my thoughts

Why do I love you so much?
Your voice rings (inside me) so much it makes me sad
Just what it was that supported me so much
I realize it now from afar

Why do I love you so much?
It's so easy I just can't answer

Love Chronicle

why? I've completely forgotten how to love
meetings will come someday with the beginning of parting
somehow, I have decided upon that idea

you tied my loose shoe laces of my dirty sneakers
your shy smile suddenly shone in the sunlight

it's not that I love for want of love
you gave me the courage to love straight-forward

the two swear to the journey from now
that no matter what occurs, the two hands will never part

it's weird, the everyday landscape begin to seem special
the flowers, birds, and sea the wind, mountains, sweet sun
when everything shines and cuddles togetherhana

I found the last piece to the unsolvable jigsaw puzzle
your broad back protects me and I'll continue to follow you
for eternity

until now, I've took the longer way around but
I'm finally able to love straight-forward

the two will head to the dream of tomorrow
no matter what occurs, the gaze won't be shifted

it's not that I love for want of love
you gave me the courage to love straight-forward

the two will head to the dream of tomorrow
no matter what occurs, the gaze won't be shifted


it's not that I love for want of love
you gave me the courage to love straight-forward

the two swear to the journey from now
that no matter what occurs, the two hands will never part

daisy cutter

BLU-82B

The BLU-82B/C-130 weapon system, nicknamed Commando Vault in Vietnam and Daisy Cutter in Afghanistan, is a high altitude delivery of 15,000 pound conventional bomb, delivered from an MC-130 since it is far too heavy for the bomb racks on any bomber or attack aircraft. Originally designed to create an instant clearing in the jungle, it has been used in Afghanistan as an anti-personnel weapon and as an intimidation weapon because of its very large lethal radius (variously reported as 300-900 feet) combined with flash and sound visible at long distances. It is the largest conventional bomb in existence but is less than one thousandth the power of the Hiroshima nuclear bomb.

Frequent press reports to the contrary, the Daisy Cutter is not a fuel-air explosive (FAE). It is a conventional explosive incorporating both agent and oxidizer. In contrast, an FAE consists only of agent and a dispersing mechanism, and takes its oxidizer from the oxygen in the air. FAEs generally run between 500 and 2000 pounds; it would be difficult to make an FAE the size of Daisy Cutter because the correct uniform mixture of agent with ambient air would be difficult to maintain if the agent were so widely dispersed. Thus, the conventional explosive technique of Daisy Cutter is more reliable than that of an FAE, particularly if there is significant wind or thermal gradient.

This system depends upon the accurate positioning of the aircraft by either a fixed ground radar or onboard navigation equipment. The ground radar controller, or aircrew navigator as applicable, is responsible for positioning the aircraft prior to final countdown and release. Primary aircrew considerations include accurate ballistic and wind computations provided by the navigator, and precision instrument flying with strict adherence to controller instructions. The minimum altitude for release due to blast effects of the weapon is 6,000 feet AGL. The BLU-82 was originally designed to clear helicopter landing zones and artillery emplacements in Vietnam. The warhead contains 12,600 pounds of low-cost GSX slurry (ammonium nitrate, aluminum powder, and polystyrene) and is detonated just above ground level by a 38-inch fuze extender, optimized for destruction and ground level without digging a crater. The weapon produces an overpressure of 1000 psi [pounds per square inch] near ground zero, tapering off as distance increases.

Eleven BLU-82s were dropped during Desert Storm, all from Special Operations C-130s. The initial drops were intended to test the ability of the bomb to clear mines; no reliable bomb damage assessment exists on mine clearing effectiveness. Later, bombs were dropped as much for their psychological effect as for their antipersonnel effects. The Air Force dropped several BLU-82s during the campaign to destory the Taliban and al-Qaeda terror networks in Afganistan to attack and demoralize personnel and to destroy underground- and cave-complexes.

source: http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/dumb/blu-82.htm

sandro dias takes vert gold

Sandro Dias Takes Vert Gold, Bob and Bucky Follow

LOS ANGELES -- On Thursday night at The STAPLES Center, Sandro Dias' first run was good enough for gold. It was also the Brazilian's first skateboard vert gold medal at the X Games. Bob Burnquist nabbed silver and Bucky Lasek took home the bronze. Andy Macdonald missed the podium, just 0.25 points behind Lasek.
Dias best finish in skate vert was a bronze at X Games 11, but he holds several vert titles from the Latin X Games and Asian X Games.

"I thought my score was too high," quipped Dias, when asked if he was surprised his first run was enough for the victory. "But I love the judges."

That winning run included a backside 540 McTwist to tail, a gnar jar 540, heelflip to frontside slider and ollie to fakie.

Burnquist and Lasek both had strong runs with opportunities to take the gold, but in the end came up short. Burnquist fell on his final two runs on a switch kickflip after a frontside air to backside air.

"I feel very good about that run, because I connected every obstacle and it flowed all the way through," said Burnquist. "The switch kickflip that I couldn't land  I'll definitely lose sleep over that because I usually can land it. I think that if I had landed that, I might have got the gold."

Lasek put together a run that included a frontside air 540, ollie flip fakie and stalefish.

"My body felt good for as battered as it was," Lasek said. "I was feeling it on my third run but I was seeing about eight walls ahead of myself and fell on something easy."

source: www.expn.com

overdue library books

i guess this entry is all about overdue entries! but unlike library books, these entries are still free and hopefully fun to read! so, last 29 july 2006, i went to sj to deliver some cds and luckily got my chimes! then we went to tep's house... guess what, its the first time my chimes has all those words and ink writings... yep! i asked some batchmates of mine to sign it! sadly, not everyone signed :( of course mama tep's party was fun! with all the food, nun and booze (although kulang yung booze) enjoy parin! when we were in the car heading home, we dropped ken ken off first... evil part! they opened the window for the guards then a roach entered!!! eeeewwww!!! scary! then we got to go home...

next event... 04 august 2006... sme gave us a trip to remember! our very first plant visit!!! it was fun! actually a lot of fun! and the best fun of them all??? the bus ride! haha! :D we were like a couple of gamblers (without the stakes)playing non stop card games! for our lunch, marrion and jon-riz provided the picnic (literal yan!) as in bread and spread and a huge bottle of skippy! (with crushed pringles yung akin) yummy! anyway, the trip was also awesome! some food processes and machines in taguig and some biomedical stuff in laguna... then there was also the stupid dumb police officer who took the liscence of manong before we even got to leave la salle! how could you say we were parked illegally when the engine's on?! la salle wasn't even complaining!

12 august 2006... we went to glorietta after my class and entered every shoe store we saw, literally! of course we also stopped by bookstores... then we went to greenbelt to meet up with the others to watch sukob (yikes! hindi ko nakita yung multo! good thing!) then when we were looking for a restaurant to have our dinner, we saw policemen chasing some teens... still don't know what happened there (refer to tep's blog for more! anyway, then it's bubba gump!!! run forrest run! then off to bed... no booze here... first time i went to greenbelt without it...

13 august 2006... went to greenhills for some supposedly bargain hunting with jing, nic and lynnet! guess what?! bargains smargains... its no bargain! anyway, i got to buy my orange rose anyway, so what am i complaining for?!

and finally today... this week we started having our finals... in fact, i just finished my memmath test awhile ago. and next week are the departmental... yep, phyeng2, mechone, envieng and the dreaded enganal... oh well... but it also brings something good... that means sem break is almost here!!! and the last lbymemb (which by the way is the cause of the metal smell) and lbyphy2!!! whahahha!!! when my die returns to me and it's finished chroming, trust me, i will put up a picture here in different angles! even though my die is not perfect, in fact it's super ugly compared to the others, i'm still proud of it because it's labor for 1 whole term!!!

as for my fic, i'll try to finish it during sem break... it's really getting old fast! ja ne! no more overdue posts... i hope!

orange rose

after months of searching for an orange rose... i finally acquired one! actually, it's not what i had in mind... it's not a bouquet or a single stemmed rose... but instead, it's a plant! yep, with the actually thorns, soil and the watering maintenance! but still, i love my orange roses... i actually took pictures of it just now to make sure i will remember it even though it dies out on me... i have no green thumb... more like a black thumb! take a close look at the pic...



i just found out that my beloved digi cam can do this during night time!!!



and here's my edited version of it...

anyway, still waiting...

dreams and nightmares

oh yeah, the previous entry's title was elfren lied, or fairy's song. that was my reaction towards the series... watch it and you'll find out why i kept on insisting that it was something i want to have but could never have... ok, SPOILER : because the girl, the cousin, can never have the guy because of nyuu... ok? same with canvas2 but in this case, the cousin won. incest?! just to clear things up...

oh well, now that's clear, here's my entry for tonight... dreams and nightmares. why? i have been having nightmares every night and sometimes dreams so weird that i take note of them in the middle of the night just to ponder on it when i was fully awake.

i wonder what causes these nightmares? oh well! Destiny is online right now! just have to buzz him in!

elfren lied

alam kong hindi na dapat ang nasa isip

hindi na dapat hinahangad

hindi na dapat inaasahan

hindi na dapat binabalikan

hindi na dapat inaabangan

hindi na dapat inaantay

hindi na dapat ninanais

dahil hindi na darating ang panahon na hinihiling

ngunit sa pagdilat ng mga mata

yun parin ang nasa isip

yun parin ang nasa piling

yun parin and hinahangad

yun parin ang inaasahan

yun parin ang binabalikan

yun parin ang inaabangan

yun parin ang inaantay

yun parin ang ninanais

sa pagpikit ng mga mata

yun parin ang napapanaginipan

yun parin ang nagpipigil

yun parin ang rason...

bakit ganun?

rainy day

chalk one up for the rainy days! another rainy day in the lonely city of Manila... for me that is. i don't know, maybe the weather does harm my mood... and right now, i can say is that i'm lonelier than you can imagine.

while i walked passed the engwalk a little pass 0620 and went straight up to the 4th floor of saint joseph, i felt like a zombie, a mindless creature of the night. i know i looked like something a cat dragged in and obviously in my head, there were bells ringing. no, not the kind of bells in your usual daydreams of fairytales but the kind of bells you hear when you are the one ringing it. gets? in short, manic headache! i am feeling cold, even my most trusted jacket is failing tremendously. maybe it's because i got wet in the rain yesterday when i was looking for starbucks near the le pavillion. i can't say that i regret it, i don't! i had fun yesterday... too bad we didn't get to stay until 0400 to personally hear who won the goodies. oh well, kyou kara maou until the 66th episode is worth it! not to mention a dvd copy of fma movie and elfren lied... i just forgot to purchase something... maybe when i will buy the last dvd of kyou kara maou nalang.

anyway, back to the present. just came from my physics class. Dr. Palisoc told me that classes will probably be suspended come 1140... i hope so too. surprisingly, i am raring not to attend my memmath class today and not so surprisingly my envieng class. maybe i really am sick. i don't even want to attend my macpro class... but that's the way life is. so far, i have dealt with 3 people since i arrived here in DLSU. i really don't feel like doing this, or even attending the seminar with festo later on...

my mind is spinning right now... i don't want to think anymore.

did i have to be the one to talk first? and if i don't, will it be like that night again?

lalety...

i don't plan on making this my research blog... in fact, i don't plan on doing one of those in the future! it's just that i found that very interesting (for me) article that i just knew i have to repost it here for you guys! so, how have i been?

lately, i have been having an insatiable craving for hot shots with kfc gravy and ling-nam lugaw! and of course the strawberry cheesecake haagen dazs ice cream and hot milo... yummy!

what have i been up to? you know high school musical??? i love the songs especially bop to the top and the jazz version of what i've been looking for! thanks Ann! you know baby blues? i'm still not done reading the whole 10-year archive! you know how i love baking?! well, i still haven't got the time to bake yet... but cooking? just finished cooking some potato croquettes with minced pork. oh well, what else have i been up to? before going to sleep, i think about what to do with the new layout for my last issue of MEMo. hopefully, my seniors will leave it up to me to make it MY style this time... oh well! what else have i been up to?

oh yeah, the down parts... my left hand is injured from lab yesterday... maybe those lab safety rules have a use after all! especially the running part and the using the files as light sabers... sheesh! that was embarrassing! haha! not to mention my left ankle is acting up again... it freakin' hurts! i seem to have a red rash between my eyes during the morning... but right now, thankfully it's gone! my callous on my big left toe is still there... and i still lack sleep!!! not to mention i just burned my tongue...

good parts... hmmm... i guess the best part in my life right now is kyle xy! i love watching it! and of course my friends are still there and that i have found a new book just awhile ago... Kiss the Girls by James Patterson, one more off my wishlist! so, i'm going to go read it now! til next time!

choco-strawberries and kisses,

mysh ;P

Shout Out to MaTep! Happy birthday!!!

Team envisions exploring Mars with mini probes

Team envisions exploring Mars with mini probes

MIT engineers and scientist colleagues have a new vision for the future of Mars exploration: a swarm of probes, each the size of a baseball, spreading out across the planet in every direction.

Thousands of probes, powered by fuel cells, could cover a vast area now beyond the reach of today's rovers, including exploring remote and rocky terrain that large rovers cannot navigate.

"They would start to hop, bounce and roll and distribute themselves across the surface of the planet, exploring as they go, taking scientific data samples," said Steven Dubowsky, the MIT professor of mechanical engineering who is leading the research team.

Dubowsky's team plans to test prototypes on Earth this fall and estimates that a trip to Mars is about 10 years away. He is now working with Penelope Boston, director of the cave research program at the New Mexico Institute of Mining and Technology, to create probes that can handle the rough terrain of Mars.

Scientists believe that lava tubes commonly seen on Mars are a promising location to search for signs of water. Lava tubes are tunnels left behind by underground lava flows. Signs of these tubes, which are also present in many locations on Earth, can be seen above ground.

The tubes could be entered through holes that formed on the Mars surface where sections of the tubes have collapsed, but these formations are too treacherous for today's rovers to explore. However, tiny bouncing probes could make their way inside the caves.

Mars also features canyons that could have once had rivers flowing through them. The canyons, too, are inaccessible to rovers, but small probes might be able to make their way down the canyon faces.

One of the major advantages of the mini probes is that losing a few out of hundreds or thousands of probes sent into a treacherous area would not derail the overall mission, Dubowsky said. "You would certainly be willing to sacrifice some of these 1,000 balls" to gather information from remote areas, he said.

Each probe would weigh about 100 grams (4 ounces) and would carry its own tiny fuel cell. "You could hop for a long, long time on a few grams of fuel," Dubowsky said.

Artificial muscles inside the probes could make them hop an average of six times per hour, with a maximum rate of 60 hops per hour. The devices would travel about 1.5 meters per hop; they can also bounce or roll. In 30 days, a swarm of probes could cover 50 square miles, according to Dubowsky.

Each probe would carry different types of sensors, including cameras and environmental sensors. The probes are made of durable and lightweight plastic that could withstand the rigors of Mars travel and the extreme cold. Their fuel cells will provide enough heat to keep their electronics and sensors operable.
One thousand of the probes would have the same volume and weight as the Spirit rover. "For the weight and size of Spirit you could certainly send more than 1,000 of these sensors up there, which would have much greater capability," Dubowsky said.

The probes would be able to communicate with nearby probes through a local area network (LAN). Data would be sent to a base station that would transmit information back to Earth.

Other possible applications for the small robots include search and rescue missions in collapsed buildings or other dangerous sites, and counter-terrorist activities (searching for terrorists in caves).

Last year, the researchers got funding from the NASA Institute for Advanced Concepts (NIAC). The NIAC grant is meant to help move the project from the concept stage to the prototype stage.

Other collaborators on the project include Jean-Sebastien Plante, a postdoctoral researcher in the Department of Mechanical Engineering, and Fritz Prinz and Mark Cutkowsky of Stanford University.

Source: http://web.mit.edu/newsoffice/2006/microbots.html

baby blues

something cute from baby blues...

back to normal

everything's back to normal! at long last!

the last two weeks were crazy and insanely tiresome! i didn't even had enough time to sleep or watch tv. but everything's back to normal, including my mood. the past entries about the thing that i have written that i will never talk about... er... basta, yung mga past entries ko about nung sa word na sabi ko dati na i will never talk about... um... yun din yun e... sowi! anyway, glad things went back to the way they were and no, i am not feeling any bit of sadness, pain, bitterness, anger or any negative feelings... all i can think about right now is having enough sleep!!!

so enough said, as for my fiction, gay dreamer... it's still continuing trust me! even though i have not updated for about a week na ata... but still, don't worry, i will still be updating it within this month i think? anyway, i need some strawberry cheesecake haagen dazs ice cream!!! 1 pint!!! and milo... lots and lots of milo!!! (addiction)

bitter

Bitterness : An emotion which encompasses feelings of anger and hatred.

I AM NOT BITTER!!!

make me sweet... with a little bit of spice... and maybe a little salty... but never bitter! why should i be bitter? or at least feel the slightest bitterness? i'm happy with my life right now... maybe a little bit of downs once in a while but never bitter!

"the face can speak of a thousand emotions but it can easily mask what the heart truly feels. don't be fooled for the happiest face may be masking the most hurting heart..."

STILL NOT BITTER!

it's just not the same

i once told someone that i love solving problems in math even though i suck at it. and what he replied stayed with me, "wow, true love."

what is it anyway? what does it mean? it's tough really but i hate things when they are just not the same anymore.

in short, i hate change. you need to adjust to them and sometimes, some people are just not that great... some people just can't adjust to the situation that fast. i guess some people will know why i moved the subject this fast, for those who doesn't know, you will find out sooner or later.

it's like when one day you and someone are THAT close but suddenly the next day, you are THAT far. wow, it's just not the same.

well, i'm going to stop here. like my status says, "when the rain pours, sudden loneliness comes..."

equivalent exchange

"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's First Law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only, truth." — Alphonse Elric, from Fullmetal Alchemist.

i wonder if that's true and if it is the one and only truth.

in life, in order to get something that we want, we need to use money to purchase it. to get money, we need to work for it. in order to work for it, we need energy. in order to get energy, we need to eat. and so on and so forth... we get something we want by giving something up. EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE. there's nothing in this world that doesn't have a price tag on it. even if you say that the air is free, we need to take good care of it and not pollute it. EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE. something of equal value must be lost...

you can never bring a person back from the dead even with all the technology nowadays because a human soul can never be replaced with anything. a human life can never be bought. in forming human life, there are stuffs that a man and a woman should give up. we do not create human life, GOD does. EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE.

ever since the day i heard that line from fullmetal alchemist, i have been thinking about somethings that doesn't need equivalent exchange. something that i can gain without giving something up. until now, i haven't thought of anything at all. zip, nada, none! EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE. i have put that line in mind everyday and some people would just have to tell me again and again, "sacrifices are to be made... konting tiyaga lang..." i'm tired... dead tired. i know i haven't been working half as hard as the others but i don't care. i don't care about others, all i need to care about right now is myself. that sounds so selfish, i know. but in order to care for others, i should take care of myself first right? EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE. where am i going?

i know that sacrifices are to be made because of that conservation of energy. nothing can be formed out of nothing. everything in this world is physics, chemistry, biology... in short, science. everything has a reason. and the unexplainable are miracles, religion and GOD.

in love, you can never get the person you love if you are not of equal value... "to obtain, something of equal value must be lost..."

my personality test

Your personality is actually determined by two personality sub-types - your primary, or dominant sub-type, and your secondary sub-type. You are a Millionaire which means you are a Success / Thinker Your primary sub-type is defined by "Success" characteristics and your secondary sub-type is defined by "Thinker" characteristics.

That means you're very ambitious and personable, and you've got a great sense of humor. Chances are you care a lot about how you look. You're bursting with self-confidence, and people admire you for your achievements and determination.

How do we know all this? How do we know that behind that bold exterior you sometimes worry that you're not good enough? Or that you can be so critical of your work that it verges on self-destructive? How could we have divined that you aim to succeed — and you'll quickly crush anyone who stands in your way?

Because while you were taking the test, you answered four different types of questions — questions that measured confidence, apprehension, willingness to take risks, and your focus on experience versus appearance — the primary traits that determine your personality. Based on your responses, we determined your personality type, Millionaire.

And that's just scratching the surface.

** from emode... i'm a millionaire!

bakit nga ba?

bakit una ang close close tapos biglang *ka-poof*?!

hindi ko rin alam e... bakit nga ba?

over lunch in college

when i was in high school, i have never thought about how i will eat my meals in college. i know that there wouldn't be anymore fifth floor dining halls there and our permanent table and table-mates and i know that i wouldn't be bringing my own lunches everyday. the question is, where will i eat? what will i eat? who will be there to be with me?

everytime i have lunch in dlsu. i am usually with highschool friends, still. i don't know, i seem to be more comfortable with them and they seem to be a lot more fun than my blockmates. when someone told me last year that when i reach 2nd year i will be much closer to my blockmates? sheesh... here i am, still with my loving high school friends!

who are these ever so treasured people? there's jira (who will never be out of the picture), kenken, mato, joyce, shaelyn (sometimes), czay (rarely na e), bebe (kanina nandyan), jo (minsan pero mostly snacks lang e... taga libre ng big chill!) and sometimes cobang and pj are on the other table.

promise, i never have never laughed so hard before but everytime i'm with these guys, (specially mga kasama ko kanina sa tosh? --jing, ken, mato, joyce and bebe) i never stop laughing! and i eat super slow because i laugh most of the time. trust me, kahit kailan hindi pa naspespell ang lunch sa akin as 'super fun'!

i look forward to having lunch with them. kasi kahit na gaano karami kinakain ko ok lang e, i'm with them, i eat super slow and they entertain me! that's why i enjoy lunch!

Gay Dreamer

been busy with school, the cube, work, birthdays, parties, my puppy and my brand new fiction, Gay Dreamer.

i am meaning to write an entry but i just don't know what to write since all the ideas that come into my mind is for my fiction. i don't know but when i start writing a fiction, the ideas just keep on coming and sometimes 24 hours haven't even pass and there's my next chapter being uploaded for the readers. i love writing this one and please, don't judge it until the word COMPLETED is before the synopsis because i can assure you that there will be a lot of twists in this story. not one, maybe not just two too... all i'm saying is, never judge it like it sounds familiar although ken ken and matep already told me that it sounds very familiar... haha! oh well, try to check it out guys. it's in Gay Dreamer.

One more thing, FULL METAL ALCHEMIST! haha! finally watched it after i told jally that it's not my genre. and i stand corrected, i love it! well, the ending is quite tragic and i do feel a lot for winry but that's not the point. best episode of the series? guess what?! the episode of roy mustang's band! in short, today's episode in animax. i just love roy mustang! it can be seen in my picture in ym right? oh well...

so, that's it for now... til next time! check out my fic, confessions of a prince and my poem in fiction press would you?

songs... just songs...

Maniwala Ka Sana
Parokya ni Edgar

nung una kitang makilala di man lang kita napuna,
di ka naman kasi ganoon kaganda, di ba?
simpleng kabatak,
simpleng kabarkada lamang ang tingin ko sa 'yo.
di ko talaga alam kung bakit ako nagkakaganito!
ako'y napaisip at biglang napatingin,
di ko malaman kung anong dapat gawin!
dahan- dahan nag- iba ang pagtingin ko sa 'yo,
gumanda ka bigla at ang mga kilos mo'y nakakapanibago!
napansin ko na lamang na nalalaglag ang aking puso.
bad trip talaga! na- i- in lab ako sa 'yo!
tuwing kita'y nakikita ako ay napapangiti,
para bang gusto kong halikan ang iyong mga pisngi!
CHORUS
minamahal kita! ba't di ka maniwala?!
anong kailangan kong gawin upang seryosohin mo ang aking sinasabi tungkol sa pag- ibig ko sa 'yo?
maniwala ka sana, minamahal kita!
nasira na yata ang ulo ko, kaiisip ko sa 'yokahit saan tumingin ay mukha mo ang nakikita ko!
pero bakit para kang naiilang, ako ay iyong iniiwasan?
ako'y nahihirapan uy, wala namang ganyanan!
pakiramdam ko ngayon ako ay nagmumukhang gago!
ngayon ako'y nagsisisi kung bakit ako nag "i love you"!!!
kasi di na tayo tulad ng dati
ngayon sa akin ay diring- dire!
(CHORUS)

Somewhere Only We Know
Keane

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
[break]
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

** some songs... simply that.

I Wonder If the Time Will Come

I wonder if the time will come
When you would simply stare
And get lost in my eyes
Then gently whisper words into my ear.

I wonder if the time will come
When you would just call me up
To say nothing at all,
Because you simply miss me.

I wonder if the time will come
When you would sit by me
Under a pool of stars and a full moon
And simply stay silent until we doze off.

I wonder if the time will come
When you would cover up my eyes,
Let me guess who you are
And kiss my nape just to be sweet.

I wonder if the time will come
When you would drive me to a valley
Full of flowers to lay me down
And stay with me until the sun sets.

I wonder if the time will come
When I get to hug you so dearly
And feel your warmth
All over my body.

I wonder if the time will come
When you would take hold of my hand,
Stick your fingers between the spaces
And finally kiss every fingertip.

I wonder if the time will come
When you would idly play with my hair
Or rest your head on my lap
And let my fondle with yours.

I wonder if the time will come
When you would stand over me
While I'm lying down beneath a coconut tree
And lean over me to playfully kiss my forehead.

And I wonder if the time will come
When you would just kiss me
Under the rain and simply confess
That you've fallen for me.

** a poem i composed after waking up from my nap in the library awhile ago and edited it during mechone class

post post

tagal tagal ko na hindi nakapost a!

oh well, what do you guys think about the new layout by the way? meron pa bang dumadayo sa blog ko na ito? ako nga hindi ko na masyado napapansin e... dalas ko ngang online lagi naman la sa keyboard... anyhoo...

yes! i succeeded in making a bread dough almost on my own i might add. i took a recipe from the internet but made my own special touches. and the method as well, i only copied (slightly) the method of fermenting the yeast. and at last! my supposed to be croissant turned out to be little muffin breads!!! why? because the dough is sticky, is it really supposed to be like that?! and i was still half asleep when i was beating the dough up and molding it so i took a spoon and scooped spoonfuls of dough and pluck it into the muffin molds!!! nice huh? it still tasted like croissant especially the buttery taste the only problem was the shape. and tonight, i made a cake! i thought tomorrow was fathers' day and made a cake for my dad... but fathers' day isn't until next week! oh well, the carrot cake will have to go first. hope it tastes good, i haven't even put the carrot and icing yet... it would just have to wait because i still don't have the whipped cream! haha!

well, this blog is my baking and book journal for the past few weeks... bet it wouldn't change for a while... that all that i will be talking about is my cooking, baking, books... and other stuff for a while... oh yeah! the cube! i almost forgot my lbymemb experience and my time with my majors...

i'm really growing OLD fast! i'm taking MEM courses and not just plain eng courses! MEMMATH, really tough... for the calculator so far. lots of buttons to press over and over again. i don't even know why we're getting those values! LBYMEMB, the cube!!! my gosh! all of us have been filing the work piece for 6 hours! and guess what, i'm not succeeding... wala pang straight!!! oh well... dito nalang...

i need sleep... >.<

suzanne's diary for nicholas

You are the explosion of carnations
in a dark room.
Or the unexpected scent of pine
miles from Maine.

You are a full moon
that gives midnight its meaning.
And the explanation of water
For all living things.

You are a compass,
a sapphire,
a bookmark.
A rare coin,
a smooth stone,
a blue marble.

You are an old lore,
a small shell,
a saved dollar.
You are a fine quartz,
a feathered quill,
and a fob from a favorite watch.

You are a valentine
tattered and loved and reread a hundred times.
You are a medal found in a drawer
of a once sung hero.
You are honey
and cinnamon
and West Inndies spices.
lost from the boat
that was once Marco Polo's.

You are a pressed rose,
a pearl ring,
and a red perfume bottle found near the Nile.

You are an old soul from an ancient place,
a thousand years, and centuries and
millenuims ago.
And you have travelled all this way
just so I could love you.
I do.

~From James Patterson's Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas

simply sweet and dear...

alex cross

wow, napakatagal ko na hindi naka post! it even passed my birthday! well, i have forgotten about removing the counter for a while and now it's gone... oh well, another year, another age and should be a lot wiser! well, i am wiser, much wiser than i was 3 months ago i think. anyway...

been hook in an Alex Cross novel again. thanks for the big bad wolf Nic and Cortet! anyway, i love it! well, i still don't know what's the deal with Pasha and why he is kidnapping women and killing them... but, i'm halfway there, besides, i know the name of the mastermind already! it's really a page turner try to read James Patterson's Alex Cross series! it's really fun! anyway, i haven't read only 4 more books out of the 11 books (as of now). and only got 3 books thanks to jing, nic and cortet! haha! :D

really now, i have watched the Da Vinci Code and X-men III. unfortunately, i'm not that satisfied with the first one mentioned. care to explain it anyone? haha! it's because i read the book. x-men on the other hand was fascinating! i had lots of fun watching it! but here's the gruesome thing... logan and jean?! wtf!!! ewww! worst pair! kitty and iceman... come on! rouge is better than her anytime of the day... oh well, pairing... not really an x-men thing but... haha! that's who i am! anyway, the movie's really good and i simply can't wait for the real last stand!

what am i blabbering in here for?! i've got to study my phyeng2 assignment already... we meet at 7 and it simply sucks my brain out! 7-8 then 8-11 is lbyphy2! i still haven't bought the manual! and even a measly 10 minute break is... oh well, that's my nasty schedule. oh yeah, before that, the big bad wolf is waiting!!! my bookmark is burning through the pages and my hands are itching to get hold of it again! ja ne!

serious summer

i seriously have to enjoy my 4 days of summer! Because of summer classes and org responsibilities, only have 4 days of summer vacation. seriously, could things get any better?! anyway, how can i enjoy it? it's cloudy outside, there's a chill in the air and rainy season is almost here. wow, the greatest summer vacation ever, really.

well, i have accomplish much more things than the usual summers that i had. first off, i got a satisfying 2.0 for my engcal2 summer class. then, had a bad streak of cooking shrimps, crabs and baking breads and pies. then there's also the pilates workout which really is great! i mean for the first few days everytime i got out of bed, i couldn't feel my legs, arms or even my back. but now, even though i do it twice a day, nothing happens. which also helps my in badminton. i also tried out a day in slimmer's world. it was fun! as in it was my first time in an actual gym and i enjoyed it! the feeling was great and i want to be a member in it, anyone with a generous heart want to give me Php 40,000.00 for my birthday? :P kidding! anyway, what else did i accomplish? i'm really proud to say that my fiction is finally done! i love it not because i'm the author but because i fell in love writing it! i know that sounds silly but... that's the way it is. and of course, the best thing that ever happened, i got my student's permit!

now next week is the start of my second year in college. whoopie! i'm getting older! and i feel older! haha! no sarcasm there, i feel like i'm the child way back then when i wanted to have a job ASAP. well, maybe i still am a child who is in a hurry to grow up and be free from my everyday life right now. hmmm... wonder who i'll be in another 10 years. would i be the person who i really want to be? and how many more summer vacations do i have left?

one year

ang bilis nga naman talaga ng panahon...

exactly one year ago, i had my first experience of an actual picnic. japanese garden in luneta park... ok, cheap... entrance fee was a mere Php 5. but the place wasn't really that of a big deal... although it was pretty! the food didn't even really mattered for me too... it was the company i had... kurstin, porman, ann and steph lee...

we planned the picnic as a surprise birthday party for porman actually, but it seemed that almost everyone backed out at the last minute so we ended up having a picnic among us. it was fun, lots of talk about anything and everything... each of us made a promise to each other that after a year, at the same place, natupad na namin dapat yung mga promise... i really didn't have any goal at that time. i was a carefree incoming frosh in dlsu... i had no idea what i was going to meet in college so i promised that by that time, i would already be a dean's lister!

bad move. i still am not on that list... maybe the late lister... i even failed engcal1 and now taking engcal2 during the summer, whoopie! haha! :D a little sarcasm there. oh, and the second picnic didn't take place. the whole day i sat in class for 3 hours, 1 and a half for review and the other half for the brain draining multiple integral and surface sketching test... then i was off to robinson's place once again. i tell you, i have been there for a hundred times and i still don't get tired of that place! that must be my favorite mall ever! haha! oh well, then i stayed home and updated my fic... not disappointed at all that the picnic didn't take place... how could it?! it rained the whole freaking day!

right now, i would like to cross the dl goal off my list for a while. of course i will still strive hard for it but not that desperate for one because i know that the course i chose is not an easy one... my goal right now? finish my fic, meet MEMo deadline (kinukulit na ako ni bosing! boss ko parin siya kahit na ako na publication head!) and to live a healthy lifestyle... aim BMI? 18.5! or kahit na 19 ok na rin :P for that, i need to be 95lbs!!! better start moving!

chris daughtry

american idol season 5... what went wrong?!

"America, you have voted..." wah!!! bakit si chris pa?! i mean, mas deserving naman siya kesa kay katharine di ba?! ang ganda ganda ng mga performance niya last night while kay katharine ugh!!! i mean, i love the hound dog performance with the all shook up mix even though she dropped a line there but her version of can't help falling in love??? pitchy! screeching and shrieking!!! don't get me wrong, i learned to love her voice... really i did pero last night's performance was suppose to kick her all the way home, away from the competition... and chris' performance was absolutely breath taking... both of them!

elliot's the ultimate last night, i must agree... and taylor's performances really did bring him to be in the top 2... but come on, chris deserves that place better than katharine!

ok, i'm going to shut up now and finally come down. when i heard chris was in the bottom 2, i sat up from my usual laid back position, grab my phone and texted mama tep... "no, not chris!" when simon said that he thinks katharine was going home, i was estatic! i mean, usually people don't agree with simon but i do... and finally when ryan annonced that chris is going home... man, i freaked!!! di pa nariring mobile ko nasagot ko na kagad kasi tatawagan ko na si tep... tears... that's all that fell...

now the question is... "who is the next american idol?" i hope elliot is... or taylor... just not katharine... please!

lao shu ai da mi

this is a Chinese song that i have learned how to love since Sunday! heard it when my dad was listening to some dvds... here's the lyrics! ask me for the mp3 if you like! i am very happy to share it with everyone!

on the road

man, do i hate my life! but there's one thing for sure... i'm afraid to die just yet...

i got my student's permit last wednesday, and everyone who has been around me saw my excitement over that very little change in my life. i still am excited about having my own car... in fact, i researched and asked the prices of the cars i would like to have. honda jazz, hyundai getz or kia picanto... really, not because it's the one i like but it's something that could fit the budget or even lower than the budget. i like one that's colored orange and has a sun roof like my dad's ford lynx!

i was excited too the first time my mom gave me the keys to start the engine of our present car. the second day when i started it, we nearly crashed onto the wall. i still thought it was funny because it didn't happen at all... but this morning when my mom told me to move the car forward and back... that was everything but funny. i learned that driving isn't as smooth and easy as i thought it would be. and when i sat on the front seat of my dad's car, i turned white and sat quietly...

everything changed. i knew that if i was the one who will sit behind the wheel, it would be different. as a car stopped in front of us, my back would uncomfortably push back onto the seat... really, the big road trip i am looking forward to, will just have to wait or in fact be permanently be postponed.

i'm afraid to die... i'm afraid to sit behind the wheel. i want to accelerate faster and faster but i can't... i'm just too afraid...

online gaming

are you an online gamer?

well, i play PangYa... the online golfing game. i'm not seriously addicted to it but i do want to earn enough pang to complete the outfit that i want. a black bandana, ad girl gloves and the strawberry tank top that i had my eyes on ever since i played the game...

anyway, not an avid gamer really that's why up to this day, my level is still RookieB... i know, pathetic... haha! anyway, not really the deal here... my character is a girl cause i found her cute... with her big yellow ribbon, red hair and blue top... what can i say, i have a thing for red heads! whenever i play, guys always hit on me... that's what i hate... i even tell lies just to get them off my back. sometimes i just ignore their messages... i come there to play not to flirt with complete strangers! anyway, awhile ago, i told this guy that i was a 20-year-old man playing the game for his girlfriend... although he was very friendly at first when he saw that my character was a girl, he told me to shut up! how rude! i guess you can see why i hate online gamers... specially if they're guys! rudeness much? and when i play the part of a girl, they hit on me. and when i ignore them, they get mad! what's happening to the internet now? the first time i have been to a chat room, that was about 10 years ago or so i think... basta, the first time mirc was the talk of everyone... i had this huge crush on the one i was talking to. naive, gullible, stupid... ok, i was a kid. but he was a gentleman. he didn't talk about stuff that would piss you right off... he didn't flirt around... he was like an older guy who just want to be friends. right now, gamers from 11 years old onwards are such rude people... that's why i rarely play right now... wish i could earn enough pang to buy a guy player!

oh well... that's it for online gaming... i hate the guys there!!!

american idol 5

wah! this is the worst elimination night ever for american idol season 5!!!

although last week was a good choice. after ace, kellie pickler walked away from the title of the next american idol... honestly, i thought that wasn't a fair one... kellie was a good singer, she performs well but has the last two nights off... big deal... but as everyone knows, in american idol, you need to always be at your best.ever since i watched this season's performances, i have been cheering for kellie all the way... it's kind of a sad thing seeing her leave.

now, i will just be looking forward to the performance of chris daughtry, nothing more. hope he will be there for the rest of the competition. i loved what he performed last night! absolutely amazing... right song, nice vocals... what more to say?!

so, that's it... my rants for american idol season 5 top 6.

Confessions of a Prince

been attending summer classes... it's fun! grabe! so much fun! imagine sitting down for 3 hours straight doing nothing but integrating transcendental functions, differentiating y=f(x) and putting all these formulas into your head and actually applying them! Really, this isn't just sarcasm... a part of it is truly fun. i just finished taking the first long quiz awhile ago and well, all i could say is, it melted my brain!!! *night of the living dead*

oh well, after classes, mom and me usually go rushing to robinsons or sm manila for some serious munching and shopping! there are a few times when i go play badminton or just hang out with friends and watch a movie like last saturday and yesterday. summer really is great, there are times in which i just want to go home at once, connect to the internet to continue my downloads, turn the boob tube on and bake or make desserts! or sometimes, i don't leave the pc... like today. i stay here, and continue writing my on going fiction, Confessions of a Prince. i love what's happening in it already... a couple of readers thinks so too! so, take a peek if you want to! i'm really really really proud of how things are going in this fiction of mine... and oh yeah, before you start reading, all of it is pure fiction! first of all, Justin Daniels is a guy, i'm a girl so, that's one fiction there already... the one narrating is a guy!!! oh yeah, comment on it will ya, guys? if it's guy enough or still girly... i think like a guy most of the time but i feel like the guy-ness is going going and i'm still hoping it's not gone just yet! haha!

so, what else is new in my life? i'm enjoying it right now, and i dare say i'm getting prettier and cuter by the minute! haha! joke! i'm into so many things right now... so many changes in my life have been happening and i'm really enjoying every little bit. like going against what i used to like... hehe, i won't expand on this... even my taste in music has been changing from one genre to another... like, right now, i'm listening to the album of Skye Sweetnam!!! and ust last night, i was grooving to the walk the line soundtrack! but one thing hasn't changed though, i'm still lovable!! joke! no, one thing that didn't change, i'm still a cartoon buff!!!

ooops! TeeVee time!!! got to go! Please do me a favor and check the fic out!

SMELL YA LATER!
~ mysh

lil_mysh

holy week just passed me by so quickly. 'm not really a very good Christian, i admit that. i didn't go to Church like i'm supposed to... but i prayed, not really in the sense that i made the sign of the cross and everything... but i had a lot of free time and i talked to God... i do that a lot.

thursday's moon was awesome! the last time i saw a moon like that was the summer after grade 6. and the one who told me to look at it was in cebu that time... from that time on, i have always followed the moon around. i stayed at the balcony of our house in Sta. Mesa for awhile, then the stars appeared... a beautiful, beautiful sight. the only thing missing? a bottle of champagne and someone special to dance with... *sigh*

and friday, i'm nowhere to be found... as well as saturday. where have i been? to a place where my sun cell have no signal or very little for that matter... i went to Zambales with my dad to "originally" eat some shrimps... correction, a lot of shrimps! i didn't know where zambales was... i didn't have a clue that it will take us 5 hours on the road just to reach our destination... but, i guess it was worth it. milk fish and shrimp were my favorite food there... the shrimp ponds are nice and i just loved to see the shrimps jumping around when the net was lifted. but summer here in the Philippines is really no joke... it's hot! and now, guess what, i'm tanned again... hopefully in a month's time my skin will return too normal again.

sunday, like thursday night, i was the "shobe" of the dinner table... well, it's not that i didn't enjoy it... it was fun being with my elder brothers (cousins) once in a while... talking about nothing else but the food in front of us... hahahha!!! and well, after dinner was our computer hogging time... we were all over the laptop looking at disgusting photos while our youngest cousin was being the little baby he is. and the week ended just like that... monday came...

i really thought monday was nothing but DOOM... it was course card distribution day for me... and heck! my first stop? chemtwo... i felt the room slowly closing in on me, i know it was my fault if i failed... i didn't really study... but, thankfully, i barely passed... not really the type of thing that i would be proud off... but considering what i did in preparation for the finals and all the long quizzes, i think it's appropriate. and the rest followed. the time i went in the room to get my phyeng1 course card... J210 at 11:00 am... i didn't really want to stay cause like Dr. Palisoc said, i am wasting my time there... i was sure that i will be receiving another 0.0... but i was brave enough to stay and said to myself that if ever i really got a 0.0, it was all my fault for not taking phyeng1 seriously like everyone else. i got it, didn't even bother to look at the grade waiting for me... i received the card faced down, didn't even bother to look at it, i inserted in in my pouch and went out the door. i didn't cry... but i think i went pale there, the pressure was more than i could ever handle. my heart was crying out and just wanted to break... it was heavy, i was nervous and shaking... there was no one there to be with me once again when i see a 0.0 on the course card. when i gathered up my courage which took about only a minute or two, i looked at it and nearly shriek right there, outside J210! i passed! well, barely but still i passed!!! 1.0! ok, that humiliating... but, i know i didn't do the best i could... promise, i will be studying harder from now on! i called steph lee, the one who was with me from the time i entered la salle that day. and i was estatic! excited for once that day! i felt so great to know that i didn't ask anyone to help me out and i did everything in that class all by myself... i listened by myself, took notes... everything! i did it!!! since then, everything went by smoothly that day and when night came, i was tired beyond words...

and truthfully saying, today's badminton and pingpong session was totally great for me... but the problem is... now i have a slight fever!!! oh well, back to the boob tube for my shows!

things i hate

if there's one thing that i hate, it's waking up early in the morning with bruises all over my body!!! it hurts! since sunday morning, waking up has been like this... bruises, aching body... i'm simply physically breaking down... damn! my bad... why? i drank a little too much last saturday night on Jo's debut... messed my life even more i mght add... oh well, what's done is done...

hmm... things that i hate... i guess reading cliffhanger fiction is one. since thursday night, i have been into reading fictions again... i'm even writing one right now... "Confessions of a Prince". i haven't continued updating "From the Inside Looking In" though... seems that i have lost my inspiration on writing about the point of view of a two-timing girl for now... and have decided what i think of jerks! oh well, i'm placing myself in one anyway in order to write this fiction...

one more thing that i hate, it's how much my memory stinks when i really need it, and how clear it is when i don't want to remember stuff... i guess i'm just destined to always dwell in the past and remember what i have done wrong... or what now seems foolish for me right now. i'm tired of it... i want to move on...

so, what else? oh yeah, finals is a thing of the past since yesterday at 1:34 pm, on the dot! woohoo! now it's just doomsday (course card distribution) and summer classes... first time ever that i would not be enjoying summer vacation... although when i was in grade 6 i took up summer classes cause i didn't reach the 85 grade average which was needed in order to proceed to 1st year classes. but that was diffeerent, i enjoyed that even though i was awake almost the whole night on the phone talking to some people most of the time... still, i enjoyed it! but this summer class now is different... it's calculus!!!

oh well, might as well enjoy what's left of my so-called summer break... bye bye 1 month vacation... it's just about 2 weeks for me...

some pics...

photoshop doodle


drunk... me!

sleepy and my eyes hurt!!! bye for now...

missing them...

on my way home from the university, i looked out the window of our car thinking of nothing but our upcoming finals for engcal1 tomorrow. but then, something intercepted the wave... i miss being with someone.

i rest my head on the door and thought about how great the feeling was to have someone's shoulder to rest my head on instead of a cold, hard door. i thought about how great it was to hug someone just because i was feeling down or i just felt like doing it! how great it is to have someone tell me that everything will be fine... that i need not to worry about what tomorrow will bring because he is always there... i miss the words "love ya" being said to me every night... i miss the "miss ya" and "ingats" being texted to me every single day that we are apart. or the winks that sends chills to my spine... i simply miss the feelings... the excitement and the love.

so, what is it that i really want? i don't want the same pain that i felt. i don't want to remember the past... what i want is a new beginning, a new life and a new someone. i don't want the same thing again... but i want the feeling, the actions being done by someone who will take me seriously this time around.

*happy 6th monthsary to Rabbit and Giraffe!

hand

i never thought life without an inspiration would be so hard. life will neve be happy if you don't have someone who you care for even though it's one sided. i never considered where my imagination would run off to when i'm feeling what i'm feeling right now...

after watching ginban kaleidoscope, wherein sakurano tazusa didn't regret loving pete pumps even though she knew they could never be, i found myself thinking that i also want someone to be there for me when i'm scared. to be there for me when i can't say what is inside my mind. to be there to hold my hand when i'm trembling like right now... to accept me for who i am, the good parts (if there's any) and the bad parts as well... i know that i'm weak, i often feel my body breaking down even though i'm only thinking... right now, i am still afraid... afraid of what? i don't really know...

so, can you take my hand before you walk out of my life for good? one little favor... that's all i ask.

fool

why do i always need to play the fool?

i'm really trying so hard to move on and actually leave my past behind... but then, there are people who would just bring it all up again... over and over again... ok, i guess i have played the part of a fool. not just any ordinary fool but the ultimate one... believing that someone who doesn't care loves me... letting someone lead me so off track that everything i did was for him... that the reason for my existence seemed like to surround him... that was foolish... i know that. but people don't have to bring it up again... i have grown up. i now know what is good for me... although i still haven't found a reason for my existence... but don't worry, i still have a lifetime to find that out. so anyway, am i really that gullible? am i that naive to just take what other people say about me without batting an eyelash?

i guess i am.. but i learn... and yet, i still take what others tell me... kaya lagi nalang ako naloloko... nauuto... i know that i think like a child, act like one and specially am still one. but i hope other people wouldn't take advantage of who and what i am... i mean, don't overdo the harsh comments, specially if we aren't close... because i am still a girl and i tend to cry a lot. don't take me for a fool cause i really have a bad temper. don't take my smile so seriously, for sometimes, it is something i put up to disguise a crying face. don't mess with me especially if i'm hyper, for that is when i easily get irritated and mad. and most specially, don't play with me, lead me on and dump me one more time... anyone! for i hold grudges... and i don't believe in the saying "forgive and forget".

so, am i still a fool? someone else out there want to play with me? i get hurt, right, but when i plan a revenge, it's just not a plan on paper, but a plan in action as well. and expect the worst... cause it will really put any plan to shame! am i still young and gullible? would somebody out there take the challenge? play with me, but never play with the heart... cause it plots!

** isang banta... angry mysh...

answer

i can't hide it... it still hurts... it still hurts...

the times that i have spent smiling everything off... i say sorry to the people i was with... i was running away... just like what most people thought... i always run away... even now...

but there are times like this when i can't take it anymore... it still hurts... and right now, i can feel my body breaking down literally... i'm weak... i can't be strong... i never can... the sufferings just won't stop...

why is it that i can't stop my feelings anymore? i hate it... i need an answer not a talk once again...

it still hurts...

tired...

what is happening to the world? is there a discrepancy with the alignment of the planets? what's wrong???

i have been nothing but tired the last few days... i haven't really been doing anything but playing PangYa! just finished studying for our chem test... anyway... the point is, i haven't really been doing something with extreme describing it right? anyway.. this entry?

i have been baking again! like the post on snickerdoodles... i have been enjoying baking once again... i really stopped for a while because i was thinking "what's the point in baking when your inspiration can't get a bite or appreciate what you're baking?" but that's totally wrong! i enjoy baking... i love baking! cookies, muffins, brownies, cakes! actually, i haven't been baking cakes for a while... mainly because i stink at it... not really stink at it... but i don't like the way it ends up... although the taste is good... i think... not only baking by the way, i have also been cooking as seen in my status message in ym... what have i been cooking??? crabs! mostly spiced chili crab with different types of recipe! anyway... i will be continuing baking and cooking... and, still am selling cookies! :D menu?

snickerdoodles, choco oatmeal cookies, choco chip cookies, sugar cookies, peanut butter cookies... and many more! actually, i can't remember :P there's also a handful of muffins! choco chip muffins, apple cinnamon... wah! i really can't remember what i used to bake! anyway, cakes and doughnuts to follow :P

twisted life

racism... what a word?!

since i have been accustomed to Filipino-Chinese culture, here's what i have to say about the Filipino-Chinese...

the Chinese have been known for pre-arranged marriages in the past... one thing for sure? it never works! even though the parents will arrange for them to get to know each other from childhood, it never will work because one way or another, they will learn how to love and not neccessarily with each other. maybe in some cases they will get along, sure... but then, they love each other more as a best friend than a real lover... and if given the chance, they will pick another. nowadays, it's rare to hear such a thing. now, what fil-chi parents say to their children is "dapat lan lang, bwe tswe dit huana..." why? because of racism... here's the scoop, i'm one of them... not really "bawal" but preferably lan lang... gets?

here's the parody.. i am 1/16 Filipino by blood! the mother of my mother's grand mother... so that's my great great grandmother... is a Filipina... and why not?! hahahh! take note : mother! not dad even though my surname is Aquilino, it's really supposed to be Co.

so, racism... why "bawal"? i think i better keep my mouth shut for the mean time cause i really haven't understand all these things yet... they told me i will understand in the future... always a twisted life... but the explanation given to me was to keep the race... see? to keep the blood pure. but it's not pure Chinese already ok? i have pinay blood flowing in my blood stream even though it's only 1/16. oh yeah, the skin color? dilaw parin e

jumbo

last February 26, i attended a baptismal celebration with my dad and brother at St. Peter parish (hindi ko alam kung yan yung tawag basta sa St. Peter). it was baby Piolo's baptismal and birthday celebration. anyway, what was different with this? not so much... there was a magic show during the party, a cake (which was forgotten), guests eating... pretty much the same... different thing? smoking during a 1-year-old birthday party, drinking whiskey, beers and wine, and drinking games to go along with it... i enjoyed it! hahahah! it was a different experience not yet including that the food served which were all seafood was something the dad of the celebrant hate. in short, he didn't eat anything, he just drank and drank and drank... until he was drunk!

anyway, amazing thing about jumbo... a floating boat with an elevator and a very luxurious top floor! here's the pic with my brother taken by my dad...


and there i am... looking just like my dad...

and the night? i was having a drinking party of my own with the martini i brought home from the party! i was drunk ok? i admit it...

it damn fucking hurts!

i always wondered how to fall in love... and yet when i found out, i found out that it is something not worth the search... it f*ck*ng hurts...

i know i promised not to have entries like these anymore... but i can't help it...

i'm moving on... leading a happy life once again... and so it seems. emil asked me a while ago, bakit kung nakikita niya raw ako lagi naman akong masaya... pero lahat ng stat messages ko sa ym lahat depressing. here's a simple answer... my stat messages are the real me. what i put up everyday are the feelings i want to feel but can never really get them. like today, swolen ankle, MEMo revisions, chem short quiz (flunk it again), but what can everyone see? happy mysh... the stress test is the only one that read me right... i ranked red whole day long... i'm anxious... not calm, not contented and not stressed... just plain anxious. but still, i put on a smile for everyone to see. why hide my emotions, my feelings and my thoughts? simply not to worry anyone else... kasi kung sa ym ok lang e... not all status messages are real.

what do i feel right now? i feel like crying because i really don't know what to do. what to believe. and what to say... sa lahat ng mga narinig ko sa nakalipas na taon, hindi ko alam kung ano ang mga dapat kong seryosohin at kung ano ang dapat kong kalimutan... i'm not sure what are my real memories... the things people said to me, mga pinagbitawan na mga salita... hindi ko na alam kung ano ang totoo kong mga alaala... hindi ko alam kung ano ang mga kailangan kong dibdibin at kung ano ang mga kailangan kong limutin ng tuluyan... how i wish someone out there would tell me what they meant when they said those things...

it damn fucking hurts... and all i want to do is hug someone and cry... nothing more, nothing less...

message thread

yapo! been reading some message thread from my highschool e-groups... turns out, almost everyone has been sharing what they miss about the past... how fast is it? i mean, time... it felt that it was just yesterday that we graduated and not a month have pass us by and we were already missing each other... all reunion attempts are just a fantasy... but guess what, even though we don't see each other much, we're still the same... well, most of us anyway...

everytime i opened my e-mail, i can see dozens of messages from our e-groups... unlike other e-groups, i just don't have the heart to just erase every message without reading them... guess what, even though i haven't been posting any messages there, i really miss those guys... every single one of them. as i have said before, even though i'm in dlsu and i know i'm supposed to be happier in my college life, i still think that i have just left the most important part of my life behind... sjcs... my alma mater. and i can't do anything about it though... everybody must move on and this is just one thing... later on in life, we must leave everything behind in order to find our meaning, our purpose...

i guess highschool is still haunting me til this day. and i don't hate it... i can't blame it. highschool has been memorable to me... all the things that i have learned... and trust me, it's those highschool friends who continue to teach me the lessons in life that i must learn in order to mature! they are the ones who taught me how to laugh, to smile, to enjoy life and to cry, to be sad and to be alone... i found what i love to do in highschool... someone drove me to learn how to crochet when i was in third year, to continue on baking when i was in fourth year, to be creative all through out and to write down my feelings... i thank those guys who contantly reminded me that i will never be alone because they are not simply acquaintances but my friends... i thank those whom comforted me when i am so lost and who listened to me even though i am crying... and to those who gave me happiness and a reason to live... simply, my friends!

i guess i am sappy again... right? oh well... all those threaded message must have caught me off guard... oh well... but in reality, everytime i enter sjcs or even just the malacanang compound, all i really feel right now are painful memories in which i thought would be happy memories for the rest of my life... everytime i stand as the ycaza and jp laurel intersection... at the ycaza and uli-uli intersection... at the former zashi, which is now quickee... all memories just enters without asking for my permission... really, i just want to forget everything right now... just like that... but then, bola and the rest said that amnesia will never be the answer... because it's not only the memories i would like to lose will be gone but the lessons that i have learn from them and my friends... and i may repeat the same mistake all over again if ever that happens...

to love is something wrong... that's why i'm sorry...

snickerdoodles

got this recipe from a cook book yesterday while waiting for my mom...

snickerdoodles! the first time i heard of it and actually had so much fun with the name that i tried baking it! it's so simple!

you need :

1/4 c butter
1/4 c shortening
3/4 c sugar
and blend until smooth.
add in :

1 egg
and mix well.
then you simply add in :

1 3/4 c flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cream of tartar
1/8 tsp salt

and mix them all up!
on a separate plate, mix :

2 tbsp sugar
1 tsp cinnamon

roll the mixture into balls and roll them on the sugar mixture. then bake for 15 minutes.

simple right? i shared it! haha! cause it's no secret of mine... try it! it's fun to make and fun to eat! enjoy guys! it's the snickerdoodles!

yggdrasil

yggdrasil... i have encountered this word a lot this passed few days... actually in shuffle!, ah! megami sama and digimon x-evolution. besides those, the word also appeared in several other games, role playing games, comics, novels, other animes and music. at first i wasn't interested in what it is or what it even stands for... but then, search for knowledge... really now, is this me?

oh well, turns out that yggdrasil is a gigantic ash tree in Norse mythology. it is sometimes called Mímameiðr or Lérað. this gigantic ash tree is thought to connect the nine worlds in Norse cosmology. Ásgard, Álfheimr and Vanaheim rested on the branches of Yggdrasil. The trunk was the world-axis piercing through the center of Miðgarðr, around which Jötunheimr was situated, and below which lay Nidavellir or Svartálfheim. The three roots stretched down to Hel, Niflheim, and Muspelheim, although only the first world hosted a spring for Yggdrasil. (from wikipedia.org) it is also said that it have some relation to odin and ragnarok... i don't really get all these already so i will just stop blabbering... you can check it out in wikipedia if you want more knowledge though.

oh well, in Shuffle!, it was used to describe an experiment made in the demon world... an experiment in life. they wanted to find life with powerful magic and abilities in a human or demon container. terrible... oh well... i won't go into details and spoil everyone else :D

just in case you guys stumble upon this :D

greatest story ever told

Greatest Story Ever Told by Oliver James

Thank you for this moment
I've gotta say how beautiful you are
Of all the hopes and dreams I could've prayed for
There you are
If I could have one dance forever
I would take you by the hand
Tonight it's you and I together
I'm so glad, I'm your man
And if I lived a thousand years
You know, I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you
That day.
But if destiny decided
I should look the other way
Then the world would never know
The greatest story ever told
And did I tell you that I love you tonight?
I don't hear the music
When I'm looking in your eyes
But I feel the rhythm of your body
Close to mine.
Its the way we touch that sends me
Its a way we'll always be
Your kiss, your pretty smile you know I'd die for
Oh baby, your all I need.
And if I lived a thousand years
You know, I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you
That day.
But if destiny decided
I should look the other way
Then the world would never know
The greatest story ever told
And did I tell you that I love you,
Just how much I really need you
Did I tell you that I love you tonight?
(Repeat)

eek! wonder if this will ever be true to me... hope so...

and i thought i have moved on...

and i thought i have moved on...

been lazily following everything that was planned for the day... get that, lazily... went to enchanted kingdom awhile ago... the shortest time that i have spent in an amusement park ever. arrived there at around 1230 i think and went home at around 0359 (went out the gate of ek). i have been looking forward to leaving the pit hole of the day... not that i didn't enjoy being with jill, benny, nikki, karlo, lyka, nix or kervin and everyone else... nope, not that... it's because i really didn't want to go... i wasn't really up to it... in short, i went there to receive the bonus points for our physics class which i need... badly! anyway, i have been anticipating the ride home... but then, while i was in the car, my mind shifted to other scenes... other bits of my memories which only causes me confusion right now... tremendous down pour of confusion... and i thought i have moved on...

nope, not really sadness or any other emotion... last week, i had a dream that i was afraid of something... of something that i have really wanted in the past... i'm afraid! damn it! then my mind shifted to another one... i heard voices... no images no nothing, just pure voices... actually just one voice... mawala na sila, wag lang ikaw... those are the words that rang thru my head and crept thru my heart... i thought they were touching words, something to treasure, something to keep... but i guess i should let it go too right? i mean, i think it really wasn't meant to be said... or to be heard... then the scene shifted once again... a message, not said but written, gno mo aq kluv = infinity ... this caused everything that happened... i'm confused... sure, i know one can love a friend and if a friend is for infinity, then the love is also infinite... right? i shouldn't be thinking about any of this... so i shut it off...

but it didn't stop there... it's like a boob tube changing channels like i was channel surfing only i'm not the one in total control... i wasn't holding the remote control... the channel changed. to where? that i do not know... that i could never answer... maybe the future? i was sitting on a computer table in front of my beloved laptop... doing something, maybe work? the computer clock read 03:58... and it was dark outside like it was still dawn... maybe it's in am and not in pm... the desk lamp was on, and so was the lighting in the room... i was wearing a robe, a red robe actually and my hair was tied up in a knot. my bed wasn't empty, or so i thought... i was half expecting a guy to approach me from behind like the one in my dream about a month ago... a guy who would simply pull my hair down and hug me from behind telling me to stop working and get some rest... but this time, there was none... i'm a workaholic and i was alone... just the way it should always be... eien ni...

then i was shifted back to reality again when the news was on... thank goodness for chaos and havoc! damn it! i really shouldn't be drifting off like that... not anymore... i mean, i have moved on haven't i? or so i thought? that's not good enough... i KNOW i have moved on... i just know... i knew it was too fast, 24 hours and everything was left behind, forgotten... just a thing of the past... was i wrong? am i just pretending? am i just running away again? maybe i really need to sort things out...

confusion confusion... and i thought i have moved on...

but i will... i promised and it shall be kept. because it's the way it should be... i must be alone until i am allowed to have company...