and i thought i have moved on...

and i thought i have moved on...

been lazily following everything that was planned for the day... get that, lazily... went to enchanted kingdom awhile ago... the shortest time that i have spent in an amusement park ever. arrived there at around 1230 i think and went home at around 0359 (went out the gate of ek). i have been looking forward to leaving the pit hole of the day... not that i didn't enjoy being with jill, benny, nikki, karlo, lyka, nix or kervin and everyone else... nope, not that... it's because i really didn't want to go... i wasn't really up to it... in short, i went there to receive the bonus points for our physics class which i need... badly! anyway, i have been anticipating the ride home... but then, while i was in the car, my mind shifted to other scenes... other bits of my memories which only causes me confusion right now... tremendous down pour of confusion... and i thought i have moved on...

nope, not really sadness or any other emotion... last week, i had a dream that i was afraid of something... of something that i have really wanted in the past... i'm afraid! damn it! then my mind shifted to another one... i heard voices... no images no nothing, just pure voices... actually just one voice... mawala na sila, wag lang ikaw... those are the words that rang thru my head and crept thru my heart... i thought they were touching words, something to treasure, something to keep... but i guess i should let it go too right? i mean, i think it really wasn't meant to be said... or to be heard... then the scene shifted once again... a message, not said but written, gno mo aq kluv = infinity ... this caused everything that happened... i'm confused... sure, i know one can love a friend and if a friend is for infinity, then the love is also infinite... right? i shouldn't be thinking about any of this... so i shut it off...

but it didn't stop there... it's like a boob tube changing channels like i was channel surfing only i'm not the one in total control... i wasn't holding the remote control... the channel changed. to where? that i do not know... that i could never answer... maybe the future? i was sitting on a computer table in front of my beloved laptop... doing something, maybe work? the computer clock read 03:58... and it was dark outside like it was still dawn... maybe it's in am and not in pm... the desk lamp was on, and so was the lighting in the room... i was wearing a robe, a red robe actually and my hair was tied up in a knot. my bed wasn't empty, or so i thought... i was half expecting a guy to approach me from behind like the one in my dream about a month ago... a guy who would simply pull my hair down and hug me from behind telling me to stop working and get some rest... but this time, there was none... i'm a workaholic and i was alone... just the way it should always be... eien ni...

then i was shifted back to reality again when the news was on... thank goodness for chaos and havoc! damn it! i really shouldn't be drifting off like that... not anymore... i mean, i have moved on haven't i? or so i thought? that's not good enough... i KNOW i have moved on... i just know... i knew it was too fast, 24 hours and everything was left behind, forgotten... just a thing of the past... was i wrong? am i just pretending? am i just running away again? maybe i really need to sort things out...

confusion confusion... and i thought i have moved on...

but i will... i promised and it shall be kept. because it's the way it should be... i must be alone until i am allowed to have company...