i always wondered how to fall in love... and yet when i found out, i found out that it is something not worth the search... it f*ck*ng hurts...
i know i promised not to have entries like these anymore... but i can't help it...
i'm moving on... leading a happy life once again... and so it seems. emil asked me a while ago, bakit kung nakikita niya raw ako lagi naman akong masaya... pero lahat ng stat messages ko sa ym lahat depressing. here's a simple answer... my stat messages are the real me. what i put up everyday are the feelings i want to feel but can never really get them. like today, swolen ankle, MEMo revisions, chem short quiz (flunk it again), but what can everyone see? happy mysh... the stress test is the only one that read me right... i ranked red whole day long... i'm anxious... not calm, not contented and not stressed... just plain anxious. but still, i put on a smile for everyone to see. why hide my emotions, my feelings and my thoughts? simply not to worry anyone else... kasi kung sa ym ok lang e... not all status messages are real.
what do i feel right now? i feel like crying because i really don't know what to do. what to believe. and what to say... sa lahat ng mga narinig ko sa nakalipas na taon, hindi ko alam kung ano ang mga dapat kong seryosohin at kung ano ang dapat kong kalimutan... i'm not sure what are my real memories... the things people said to me, mga pinagbitawan na mga salita... hindi ko na alam kung ano ang totoo kong mga alaala... hindi ko alam kung ano ang mga kailangan kong dibdibin at kung ano ang mga kailangan kong limutin ng tuluyan... how i wish someone out there would tell me what they meant when they said those things...
it damn fucking hurts... and all i want to do is hug someone and cry... nothing more, nothing less...
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