Work's challenging and great, my student visa is on it's way, I'm gonna be paying my tuition for my master's degree in the coming weeks, my accommodations are well on it's way as well and I will be leaving for Shanghai for a year in a few months… so, what's wrong? I have everything I need and probably more than what I deserve… I have travelled to a lot of places in the past 6 months alone (Cagayan de Oro, Camiguin, Cebu, Hong Kong, Boracay, Coron, Thailand and Singapore) with more than enough money to spend… I have my almost weekly movie and dinner dates with my friend, which I truly enjoy… So what else do I search for?
A lot of people must think, wow, this is one selfish person! Well……… I still feel like I'm not moving. I still feel like I haven't accomplished ANYTHING at all! I still live in the same house, I still have an almost empty bank account, I still depend on people for financial support and I still haven't lost weight! Sure, I might have grown in some ways… I now know how to handle my emotions (most of the time) through meditation, I know how to prioritize things, and I don't let small things bother me as much. BUT still, I'm still the same me I was years ago!
I feel like a download status bar at 1% with an indeterminable estimated time of completion, a countdown timer on a time bomb that has been deactivated at the last second or a clock ticking back and forth about to run out of battery. I'm going nowhere.
A sudden poke in my brain made me realize that next year, I'm going to be in my mid-twenties! Well, I suppose that I am in my mid-20's now… and still, look at me! I'm still stuck here, in this life, with nothing and nowhere to go. I feel so unaccomplished, so defeated and just so down. I think it's time to go to a shrink!
