sick and tired

love is not synonymous to pain, is it? like is not synonymous to rejection either... relationship is not synonymous to enemies and commitment is not synonymous to broken promises...

am i not right? but sometimes, it feels like everything above is synonymous to each other... to love is to inflict pain on oneself, to like is to throw oneself to rejection and maybe later on despair and regret, to be in a relationship is to break the friendship and to commit oneself is to break all promises made...

cooling off and talk are just nice words to cover up break up and it's just not there anymore, are they? why do we people always want to hurt ourselves by liking someone, by loving someone and giving oneself to someone to take care of? are we really socially dependent or do we just like others to think highly of us because we have someone and others don't?

one thing's for sure, people are not socially dependent. and the term independent is not given the right meaning. the term independent for me is to have no one around even when you need them. to be socially independent is to be a man stranded on a deserted island. but still he is not independent because he depends on nature to give him food, shelter and clothing. but no one can survive alone... right?

that's why i think that even the smartest person who is bounded to someone, whether his parents, his friends, colleagues or someone they love, are stupid. because being dependent means giving oneself troubles, problems and pain which they will encounter over and over again... i am stupid... forgive me.

cheater

i really miss this blog of mine... i remember the days when i post an entry almost every day or sometimes twice a day... it's like my best friend wherein i post every single one of my thoughts without thinking that someone might read it because for me, this is my paradise... but now, i don't think anyone even remembers this blog... but still, i post my inner thoughts in it, things that i like, things that are important to me and things that i feel guilty about... even though i also started blogging in my multiply site...

so, today's entry isn't anything about the past... it isn't anything about what i have written before... this is a new thing... a new one...

this was supposed to be posted long ago, i think 2 weeks ago... it's really been eating me. this is the question : is it consider cheating when you had lunch with another person while you are in a relationship? or is it the thing 'what he doesn't know won't hurt him' kind? and is it considered to be cheating when it is with an 'almost' much younger but more mature cousin? and this cousin is also in a relationship... but the lunch is nothing like any ordinary lunch out with anyone... it kinda turned out to be a... date?...

*SIGH*