merry Christmas

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

no updates for a while :D

for those who hates sasuke so much...

for those who hates sasuke... watch this! listen to the song and who knows, maybe you'll like sasuke like i do! :D

cutest little darlings!

i have always love dogs specially puppies! why did God made pets anyway? dogs, cats... whatever... i guess it's to keep us company, to talk to when no one else would listen, to love and take care, to have some company when we're alone and simply to make us smile even through the worst times... why this? here's some pics that i simply find adorable beyond words!











tell me these pics didn't make you fawn all over them or simply make you smile! oh well, nothing really, just want to share the joy of looking at these wonderful offsprings of nature... i wonder how long will it take for us humans to recognize their worth? i mean, some humans tend to treat these animals badly, saying that they are just animals... well, they have feelings too... if you cut thru them, do they not also bleed? anyway, these darling little puppies can make anyone swoon over them, right?

the reason for this entry, Christmas is approaching... and i want a puppy!!!

Christmas countdown

it's less than a month, a week, 5 days til Christmas... just like when i was a little kid, i look forward to this Christmas because of all the presents i expect and want to receive. but this Christmas, i have grown... as you can say, i have a grown-up Christmas list. i don't know if it's the effect of college or just the mere fact that i really have grown-up, maybe not over night but quite quickly than i have expected actually.

how can i say that i have matured? well, my wishlist, even though it still has those anime stuff included and some material things, is more... expensive. being a kid, i only wished and hoped to receive some Christmas cards, stuffed toys, pens... and i got disappointed to receive cash, bags or even food! imagine, me! getting upset in receiving cash!!! that must have been so sad... anyway, now, i long to receive it! ok, greediness level so high now!! anyway, i still love the thoughts of receiving stuffed toys anyway... actually, anything will do right now, as long as i know that the peson who gave it means a lot... whether it's in the form of store bought things, home baked muffins or a simple hug... actually, i prefer the last one. a simple hug, something sentimental, from the heart and simply long lasting for my memory!

i gave away myself this Christmas, and it's rare for me to do that. i tied a ribbon around me, and gave myself to Tanya! love ya Tanya! i bet you guys thought of someone else, right?! haha! i would have given myself to that person if i know that he will appreciate it... although i didn't give myself to him, he still took my heart and kept it for himself. aw...

last night, i was talking to some friends of mine about what i wanted to do when i found out that i flunk... i wanted to commit suicide, run away, and just give up. nobody cared about the last two choices... but they really lectured me about the first option, suicide... they told me that it would be very dumb and stupid of me if i did that... i knew that, that's why i didn't do it for the thousandth time that i have thought about it. when i was a little kid, i planned my life out. and the plan was to lie down on my bed on my 18th birthday and die there... thinking about no one else but myself... not thinking about the possible people who might cry... not thinking about the pain some may feel because of my selfishness... i guess i'm dumb that way... so dumb... well, during my 18th birthday, i really didn't lie down on my bed at exactly 6 pm... in fact, i was spending some time with my dad and my brother at a restauraant, pigging out like we usually do!

why then did my plan from when i was a kid subsided? i mean, most of my plans came to be... why not that one? it's not because it's impossible or even hard to attain... it's because i found someone who makes my life worth living... that's sappy!!! oh well, but that's the truth... i found someone who can make my life easier and more enjoyable... someone who makes my life really worth living til the very end... of course, that someone is not alone... i have my friends who supports me all the way thru everything! who am i kidding, everyone i know is so important to me right now that even the thought of death scares the hell out of me! and of course, i know that someone will be very sad if i died... so then, i wouldn't do that even if i said it over and over again, don't worry, sometimes i'm just in a phase...

life sucks...

life sucks... big time!

here's the deal, i know i deserve to pass engcal1... i just know ok? i mean, i studied and understood the lessons well, it's just that i can't pass the exams she's giving!!! i don't f*cking know why, ok? i mean, argh! i don't know what i mean already! my head is pounding and i just want to die right here, right now.

a lot of people will tell me not to waste my life over such stupid, f*cking shit... i know that.... but then again... i don't really know what i want to do with my life already... i just want to give up and die in my sleep...

there's nothing more i want to do now than die and vanish... or be with my best friend and grieve about all the stuff i'm hiding from everyone right now... i can't be strong all the time... i can't be angry at a time like this... this anger must have been brought in by the disappointment i have in me right now... but then again, from the day i found out my quiz results in my final quiz, i knew that i was going to fail... but then, i still studied... two days of studying came to nothing... nothing but a 0.0... damn this life! damn this engcal1! i really want to stay strong... fight whatever i think is going to come flowing soon... fight the tears that wants to flow down... fight the weakness residing in me...

but i can't... i just know i can't... i have to have someone near me right... someone who could comfort me and tell me that everything will be alright... someone who could assure me that tomorrow will be another great day... as the song goes, there's a rainbow always after the rain... someone who could just give me what i need right now... and that someone is no other than my best friend...

if you have read this, i need you right now more than ever... i'm sorry...

life really bites! if i were given a chance to redo everything, i just know i can make and will make everything go smoothly... and right now, i can never have that, can i?

p.s. sorry for the foul language used...

cartoons

what does cartoons say in our lives? i can and will consider myself as an adult right now... and cartoons are for kids. then why the topic? even though sometimes, i let other people see a side of me who enjoys watching adult shows like seinfeld, ed, discovery channel and such shows, i still prefer cartoons over any of those shows anytime!

anyway, here's the point, this entry is not originally my idea... i just read an article in menagerie, the la sallian, about cartoons and why it is a show for kids ONLY. well, they disagreed with it, and i also disagree with it even though i know that i am a big kid at heart. why? cartoons have many morals... it is not just for laughs or for "nothing else is good on the boob tube". in fact, it was stated in the la sallian, by watching an episode of as told by ginger, we can pick up a thousand more lessons than watching a very long exagerated soap opera! not only as told by ginger, cartoons have moved out of the tv and the big screen made way for them more than a hundred times i guess. finding nemo, the incredibles and such big time cartoon movies have more lessons still than a regular soap opera. not that i have something against soap operas, it's just that why are cartoons labelled as kid's only? and when adults or teens are watching them, they are teased about it. there's nothing wrong with wanting some laughs from our favorite, spongebob squarepants to maybe the most kiddie show, blue's clues! ok, i watch blue's clues... we watch these tv shows when we were little kids and found them humorous, why not continue watching them even thought the plots are the same and there's the never ending anvil fall! once in a while, it's healthy to put aside the laws of physics and have a few unreasonable laughs. it's the tv world we just don't have to understand... and i like that!

for some reason, i still find cartoons entertaining the way they were entertaining to me years ago! maybe because i really haven't accelerated yet and really am a kid a heart!

oh yeah, jira says she looks like a cartoon character! just finished my finals! free at last!

hardest things in life...

these are some ouchies in life that i received through email... i have highlighted some things that applies to me and well, there's a legend for the colors:
red - ouch +++
red - ouch ++
lavander - ouch +
orange - normal ouch
no high light- ouch but nr!

1. Being questioned when you yourself don't understand
2. Pretending to be innocent of what you know about
3. Trying to show you care
4. Trying to forget something you know you never will
5. Admitting you were wrong after you have been so insistent that you were right
6. Accepting the fact that you made a mistake
7. Debating with yourself
8. Knowing what's wrong and what's right
9. Growing up
10. Accepting the fact that some things are not meant to be
11. Trying to understand when you just can't
12. Swallowing your pride when it has become too hard and too big to even gulp it down with water
13. Realizing that you have been tricked after you have given your whole trust
14. Realizing that you have taken the most important thing for granted
15. Parting with someone you've just learned to love
16. Letting GO of someone you've loved all ur lyf
17. Losing someone you care deeply about
18. Saying sorry when you mean it where you stand
19. Knowing what is best and yet doing the exact opposite.
20. Bracing yourself for the worst kind of pain... & still hurting so much..
21. Loving someone too much and learning to love the pain that goes with it...that even if you learned to let go of the person... you still go on missing the pain you once felt (and there it goes... you fall again)
22. Denying to yourself that you're falling... then finally you realize that indeed you have fallen when it's too damn late and he/she got tired of waiting...
23. Being with someone else when the right one comes along
24. Knowing deep inside that you love someone yet you can't say it out loud
25. Flashing your smile to someone u don't want to see.
26. Bringing back the feeling you've learned to forget.
27. Showing that u care.
28. Finding a way to mend a broken heart.
29. Learning that someone u truly loves has used you.
30. saying i love you when you mean it and when you don't.
31. Letting go of a person you've just learned to love.
32. Realizing that u love somebody you've just taken for granted.
33. Realizing that u love the person you've just broken up with
34. Waiting for promises you know she or he'll never keep.
35. Saying your love for someone who loves somebody else.
36. Reminiscing the good times u shared together.
37. Shielding your heart to love somebody.
38. Trying to hide what u really feel.
39. Having a commitment w/ someone that u know would not last.
40. Trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes.
41. Sharing the one you love w/ someone else.
42. Loving a person too much.
43. Giving up someone u never thought of giving up.
44. Falling in love for the first time
45. Loving someone you haven't seen
46. Having the right love at the wrong time.
47. Exerting effort to make the relationship last or work.
48. Not being appreciated when u know you've given your best.
49. Taking the risk to fall in love again.
50. Hiding your relationship from someone else.
51. Controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a friend
52. Choosing between 2 persons whom u really love.
53. Finding out that u can never have the person u just let go of back
54. Seeing the person u love with someone else
55. Learning that the person who claimed to have loved you so much never really cared
56. Seeing the one you love fall for someone else
57. Falling for your best friend and knowing that things can never be the same again
58. Learning to trust after you have been burned
59. Accepting that it was not meant to be
60. Smiling when all you want to do is cry
61. Falling and knowing that it can never be
62. Not being able to love the person who truly cares for you
63. Saying that you can never love a person the way he loves you
64. Hearing that he/she can never love you the way that you love her/him
65. Saying that you are over someone you still love
66. Being friends again and learning to let go of each other coz you both know it is better that way
67. Convincing one self that you are not in love when you know that you are
68. Having to let go because you know that he deserves someone else
69. Trying not to remember how perfect everything used to be
70. Being the last to know about something that concerns you most of all

yet another dream

i seem to be having a lot of dreams lately... this one, i won't post as a letter in my homepage nor would i go to details about it. why? because it's a lot different compared to the other dreams i had. this one was really different and not at all mind boggling...

what do i have to say about this dream? well, i have concluded that i simply miss someone so much that i don't only think of him during day time, but he also haunts my subconciousness while i'm asleep. around 0240 awhile ago, i took a break from studying and took a nap, then this dream haunted me. i woke up at around 0440, 20 minutes before my actual wake up time. i found myself covered with sweat... i found tears rushing down my cheeks... why is it so hard to just look from a distance when in the past we were so close together? and why am i even doing this to myself? is it because that's what i think he likes me to do? am i really supposed to suffer this way?

i still miss him despite the things that i should prioritize... i should even be studying for my engcal1 test right now and i'm really on the edge... i'm just one step away from failing and i sure don't want to fall down... yet still, what's on my mind? i really miss him so much... i'm just punishing myself disappearing from his life... i guess that's just what i really have to do and yet, i feel so much pain and confusion... for once, i really want to find peace... and find the answer to all my unanswered questions...

Happy Birthday Ahya Terry!

where the streets have no names

while burning some cds for my uncle, i saw a title of a song by Aerosmith... "where the streets have no names". i wondered for a while where could that place be... maybe a labyrinth or an ant farm... i haven't really listened to it yet, and as of now, i really have no intention...

for me, "where the streets have no names" refers to the road ahead... not literally a road that we have to pass... but the road we will take in our journey in life. why don't the streets have names? because we don't really know where we're headed. nobody knows what lies ahead if we go on with our lives. the world still has a lot of mysteries waiting to be uncovered, so have our lives. we don't lead everyday of our lives monotunuosly or organized til the last second, in fact we are told over and over again to leave some time for unexpected surprises. and so we take on streets with no names in order to give them their names.

and then again, another conclusion was formed in my head. where streets have no names i guess also refers to the foolishness of one's heart. love as they say is blind, you set endless qualifications for the one you want to fall in love with but at the end, you always end up with the one who is an exception to every single rule. why is it the place where streets have no names? because you don't really know where you are once you are in love. your destiny tends to be not only yours but also your partner's. you either work as a team or you fail as an individual. still, you really don't need names for the streets if it's your own personal world, right? when you're in love, you have your own world, your own fantasies and your own dreams but with a significant other.

here's my point and how i will relate it with my life right now: i'm tired of living and continuing my journey where the streets have no names. i don't know what lies in front of me or what may happen next. i'm tired of looking from afar... of just waiting here and when i see your name pop out from nowhere, i seem to scurry away scared... i'm tired of how i handle my life right now... i was told that the one who have the most courage is the one you need to look out for because he/she maybe the one who will hurt you most... i guess i could be that.. but lately i have been nothing but scared silly... i have been nothing and my life has been nothing... believe it or not, i really need you in my life but no matter how much i want to move on and no matter how much i say to people that everything is the past right now... i still can't move on... i'm still stuck... in love with you...

Christmas Bazaar

wow, Christmas really is here. the air is cold, Christmas decorations all over the place (except here at home) and most of all, the Christmas Bazaar at the World Trade Center starts today!

we visited it, honestly, it was my first time there. anyway, bought some things sorry to say, it's all for me! i haven't bought any gifts yet except for one... i need to do my Christmas shopping fast!!!

so, there you go... Christmas is here and New Year's eve is just around the corner... before you know it, it's already the start of a new school year and my birthday! i'm so excited to turn 19 already! my burthday wish? it's in the wantlist section! :D

bday shout outs!

Happy Happy Happy Birthday to Maximillian "pencil" Tong, Herschel Tan and Alfred Ong-Lopez!

Miss ko na talaga 4A and the whole batch!!!

kita kita sa sportsfest?! hahahha!!! reunion na!

some songs...

Makita Kang Muli
sugar free

Bawat sandali ng aking buhay
Pagmamahal mo ang aking taglay
Saan man mapadpad ng hangin
Hindi magbabago ang aking pagtingin
Pangako natin sa maykapal
Na tayo lamang sa habang buhay
Maghintay...
Ipaglalaban ko ang ating pagibig
Maghintay ka lamang, ako'y darating
Pagka't sa isang taong mahal mo ng buong puso
Lahat ay gagawin, makitang kang muli
Makita kang muli, makita kang muli...
Puso'y nagdurusa, nangungulila
Iniisip ka pagnagiisa
Inaalala mga sandali
Ng tayo ay magkapiling
'kaw ang gabay sa aking tuwina
Ang aking ilaw sa gabing mapanglaw
Tanging ikaw...
Ipaglalaban ko ang ating pagibig
Maghintay ka lamang, ako'y darating
Pagka't sa isang taong mahal mo ng buong puso
Lahat ay gagawin, makitang kang muli
Makita kang muli, makita kang muli...

Rie Fu
Anime: Bleach
Song Title: Life is Like a Boat (first ending theme)
Nobody knows who I really am,
I've never felt this empty before.
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong?
We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves will guide you through another day
Tooku de iku o shiterutoumei ni natta mitai
Kurayami ni omoi dakedomekakushi sareteta dake
Inori wo sasageteatarashii hi wo matsu
Azayaka ni hikaru umisono hate made ee~
Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you will follow me and keep me strong
Hito no kokoro wa utsuri yukunukedashitakunaru
Tsuki wa mata atarashii shuukide mune wo sureteku
And every time I see your face
The oceans lead out to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars
And soon I can't see the shore
Oh, I can't see the shore...
When will I see the shore?
I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I feel this way toward you
And if you ever need someone to come along
I will follow you and keep you strong
Tabi wa mada tsuzuitekuodayaka na hi mo
Tsuki wa mata atarashii shuukide mune wo terashidasu
Inori wo sasageteatarashii hi wo matsu
Azayaka ni hikaru umisono hate made
And everytime I see your face
The oceans lead out to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars
And soon I can't see the shore
Unmei no fune wo koginami wa tsugi kara tsuki e to
Watashi-tachi wo sou kedosore mo suteki na tabi ne
Dore mo suteki na tabi ne...

The song Makita Kang Muli was something someone asked me to listen to. and when i listened to it, it really is nice. there you go...
the second song Life is Like A Boat is from Bleach. at first, i was annoyed by it, big part rie fu was the one who sung it. anyway, i came to like it as i listened to it just a while ago. the lyrics can tell you why i like it...

i MiSs YoU...

sme leadership seminar

ok, i have stopped thinking for awhile... stopped thinking about what i thought was my life anyway... and came to think about the so called more important stuff to me... what is my decision?

i have just attended our org',sme, leadership seminar. here's something i picked up from it, i have to set a vision and a mission in life. of all the things that we were asked to do awhile ago, the one i found the hardest to do was to give myself an award and my motto in life. here's something that came to mind that was a pretty scary thought... am i doing the right thing? is my decision to enter DLSU-Manila and take my course in bachelor of science in manufacturing engineering and management with specialization in mechatronics and robotics the right decision? is it the course for me? is it what i really want? is my future there? or do i even have an idea what might be in store for me? i could have easily entered UST with a course in computer science or maybe if i took the entrance test in CSB, i might be able to walk in and out of Angelo King everyday and lead an easy college life. i have been thinking about this for a thousand times already... why do i always have to doubt what i have decided on? from th moment i saw my brother's DLSU application form, i told myself that i will enter DLSU thru the course comp eng or mem-mr or com sci... either of the three. i decided upon it and now, why am i feeling this pang of emotions, resent and doubt? am i really right for this course? or should i renew my schedule and drop all the major courses to shift next year? why is life unfair?

what is my mission in life? what is my vision? do i even have a purpose to live? what are my priorities in life? what is my goal? i guess i have the true characeristics of a gemini after all... i have been interested in a lot of things that at first i am so excited about it but after a short time, i got tired and just left it there. and now, because of all the possibilities opened to me because of all the opportunities shown and exposed to me, i don't really know what i want... i don't know my mission nor my vision. mission vision, this is the thing i came across and really had a hard time looking for the right answer... until now, i still really don't know what i want to do with my life...

let's see... what i want in life really is to settle down, have a good life together with someone i love and loves me back... what then is my mission? i still don't know after 18 years of living, i guess i really don't know what i want to do and have been spending my life aimlessly and jus wasting it by having all those momentary fun in life... looking back to my past, i can say that i have done nothing to change anything, i have done nothing to attain a goal... i have done nothing to help anyone... i have done nothing for myself. wow, this is some confession! what i want in the future... is something i really need to think about within this weekend. what my goals are, what my mission is, and what i will have to do to fulfill all those... if i found out what the answers are to all these questions, then i will live my life accordingly.

by the way, after some time, i finally found my motto... the sky's the limit... and the award i want? stars. why's that? the sky's the limit is to motivate me that even though i failed at one thing (which i really am so scared about btw) i can stand up once again and reach for the sky... and that i have a lot of things that i can still do. my award, stars, has a really simple meaning behind it. it simply means that i want to accomplish many many things, much more than an ordinary human can. just like the stars, i want my accomplishments to be countless and not just countless but also priceless...

Happy Birthday Shoti Scott!