got nothing to do, crop some pic here, paste some pic there... and i got 2 new avatars and 1 cute pic! cool!
Saturday, October 29, 2005
naruto addiction
got nothing to do, crop some pic here, paste some pic there... and i got 2 new avatars and 1 cute pic! cool!
will i?
been checking out some videos made by some people over the internet... no, not any adult material... just anime... seems i have stumbled upon a site that features these kind of stuff where you can share your videos. anyway, i was watching some stuff and put the two best, for me, in my friendster account... you can check out my profile there if you're interested...
anyway, the moment i stumbled upon the naruto video which features sasuke and sakura, i remembered jay comparing me to sakura... and the card captor sakura video? well, i remembered the movie 2... especially syaoran's words, something like, even if i lost my memory i will still fall in love with you all over again...
nice! there's the main idea of my entry tonight... when i was in third year and fourth year high school, i remember how much i wanted to lose my memory... everything that happened in the past... every emotion i have felt... it's only because of one thing and what an important thing it was to me! of course until now it's still important to me specially since it's been resolved and now everything has been patched up. anyway, i have met a lot of people who regret the stuff that they did but doesn't want to erase it... i guess it's only me who just wants to run away. they were saying that they don't want to because even though they did it over, they wouldn't have it any other way. gets?! i guess i still haven't seen the beauty of life that way... i still want to run and hide or repeat and renew... i still think like a child...
anyway, right now, i wonder... if i lost my memory, will i still feel the way i'm feeling right now? if i lost my memory, would i still be friends with the same friends i have? if i lost my memory, will i still fall in love with the same person again? i will not know my answers to that unless i lose my memory and have amnesia... now, i still have another thing to wonder about... if ever i will have amnesia, will i be able to renew my life? would i be happier if i don't love the person i'm in love with right now? will i ever feel the same happiness that i have felt with my friends in SJ and the enjoyable things that we did specially the very first picnic that i've been thru? i guess no matter how much i have wished for amnesia that time, i really don't mean it... and when i say i want to die and i will commit suicide, i still don't mean it... why? because even if i have to live my life again, i will not have it any other way! especially the way things are with my dearest friends!
so, will i still fall in love with the same person i am in love with now? i guess there's a very big possibility that i still will... why? because he's not difficult to love... in fact, he's a very lovable person! and that's what i like about him so much!
**sorry about this entry again... i just got time to think because of this long weekend thing... so you guys out there who has a bone to pick with me, just give me a ym buzz! id is: minisignal
anyway, the moment i stumbled upon the naruto video which features sasuke and sakura, i remembered jay comparing me to sakura... and the card captor sakura video? well, i remembered the movie 2... especially syaoran's words, something like, even if i lost my memory i will still fall in love with you all over again...
nice! there's the main idea of my entry tonight... when i was in third year and fourth year high school, i remember how much i wanted to lose my memory... everything that happened in the past... every emotion i have felt... it's only because of one thing and what an important thing it was to me! of course until now it's still important to me specially since it's been resolved and now everything has been patched up. anyway, i have met a lot of people who regret the stuff that they did but doesn't want to erase it... i guess it's only me who just wants to run away. they were saying that they don't want to because even though they did it over, they wouldn't have it any other way. gets?! i guess i still haven't seen the beauty of life that way... i still want to run and hide or repeat and renew... i still think like a child...
anyway, right now, i wonder... if i lost my memory, will i still feel the way i'm feeling right now? if i lost my memory, would i still be friends with the same friends i have? if i lost my memory, will i still fall in love with the same person again? i will not know my answers to that unless i lose my memory and have amnesia... now, i still have another thing to wonder about... if ever i will have amnesia, will i be able to renew my life? would i be happier if i don't love the person i'm in love with right now? will i ever feel the same happiness that i have felt with my friends in SJ and the enjoyable things that we did specially the very first picnic that i've been thru? i guess no matter how much i have wished for amnesia that time, i really don't mean it... and when i say i want to die and i will commit suicide, i still don't mean it... why? because even if i have to live my life again, i will not have it any other way! especially the way things are with my dearest friends!
so, will i still fall in love with the same person i am in love with now? i guess there's a very big possibility that i still will... why? because he's not difficult to love... in fact, he's a very lovable person! and that's what i like about him so much!
**sorry about this entry again... i just got time to think because of this long weekend thing... so you guys out there who has a bone to pick with me, just give me a ym buzz! id is: minisignal
Friday, October 28, 2005
autocad...
my first exam in lbymeea ata yung course code... also known as cad class
exercises in cad...
guess i'm just proud that i know how to use auto cad now even though they're just simple drawings... good thing i have upgraded from grapone!!! grapone was tough... but now, instead of bringing our t-square, we only bring floppys! thank you technology! as of now, i really don't have any idea what the drawings are... but i will when i decide not to shift next term... anyway, the drawings took me about an hour or more to make... i really suck at cad so when i finish doing a drawing, i'm darn proud of it! hope the drawings make you want to learn autocad too!
sorry and thanks
for those people who visited my blog yesterday and got worried, i deeply apologize... i haven't been myself lately because of all the problems that rushed this week... failed my engcal quiz and all... i even had my counseling last wednesday... i guess i just go lost in the way of my life and got tired... and i just decided that i want to die to stop everything already... i guess what i should have said was i need a stop button in my life once again. but i was just too tired and too confused to be discreet about it... and i just got the urge to say it loudly... once again, i'm sorry...
anyway, sorry about the way i have been acting too... i mean, one moment i'm just bursting with energy and in the hyper mode, then the next i would be staring into blank space and tears would start falling down and later on, i would be so angry at something... i guess i have been moody... very moody once again. i promise, i will try to improve myself...
oh yeah, and thanks for the people who stood by me the whole week thru my endless bickering with life and everything else... to tanya, who have been riding my "girl friend" joke from i don't know when... i have been introducing her as my howe to everyone else... to mike, for worrying when i almost had a good mind jumping from the fourth floor in velasco last night... to nikki, karlo and arvin, who have been there to make me laugh at the simple things in life... even the corniest... to haze and jira for bringing me endless joy all the time... to hanna ngo, for accompanying me this morning and listening to all my rants... to doctor chan for making me laugh with his barbarian sounds and acting.. (oh yeah, i learned something today from dlsu... and that's how does barbarians act!!! barbarians yawn loudly when they want to sleep, burp repeatedly and loudly when they are full and drool with their tongue sticking out when they are hungry!!!) and last but most specially, to mau... for all the advices and fun you showed me when i'm depressed :D
sorry and thanks guys!
Happy Feast Day Saint Jude!!!
anyway, sorry about the way i have been acting too... i mean, one moment i'm just bursting with energy and in the hyper mode, then the next i would be staring into blank space and tears would start falling down and later on, i would be so angry at something... i guess i have been moody... very moody once again. i promise, i will try to improve myself...
oh yeah, and thanks for the people who stood by me the whole week thru my endless bickering with life and everything else... to tanya, who have been riding my "girl friend" joke from i don't know when... i have been introducing her as my howe to everyone else... to mike, for worrying when i almost had a good mind jumping from the fourth floor in velasco last night... to nikki, karlo and arvin, who have been there to make me laugh at the simple things in life... even the corniest... to haze and jira for bringing me endless joy all the time... to hanna ngo, for accompanying me this morning and listening to all my rants... to doctor chan for making me laugh with his barbarian sounds and acting.. (oh yeah, i learned something today from dlsu... and that's how does barbarians act!!! barbarians yawn loudly when they want to sleep, burp repeatedly and loudly when they are full and drool with their tongue sticking out when they are hungry!!!) and last but most specially, to mau... for all the advices and fun you showed me when i'm depressed :D
sorry and thanks guys!
Happy Feast Day Saint Jude!!!
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
best lovers
can best friends be lovers? or even just a bit more than what they have?
i was told that friends can be lovers but best friends can never be lovers... why is that? because a best friend is someone who you can depend on... someone who you need when you have to say something and just can't tell anyone else. as everybody knows, a relationship is like a rollercoaster, sometimes it's up and sometimes it's down... when your best friend is your significant other, when everything is down, you don't only lose your lover, you also lose your best friend... it's harder that way right? instead of losing just by losing one important person, you lose two important roles in your life...
is that the only reason? the risk of losing someone? i can't think of any reasons at all... that reason was just explained to me... that reason was just shown to me... i really don't have any problem with best friends ending together since it's not that big of a chance to get into an arguement between the two... after all, they are friends and they know each other. they should be able to understand each other and to respect each other... it's another case when one is a different person while in a relationship... but usually, they know each other's problems, they know each other's hardships and what they have been thru... it's not like they will want to hurt each other in the course of the relationship, that they will want to be a burden to each other... nobody wants that right?
so i ask you again, can best friends be lovers? it will not be a surprise for everyone if a pair that close would end up as couples, after all, they are in the right path, right?
** best friends here are composed of a guy and a gal... i'm not talking about yuri of yaoi here... please clean your minds...
i was told that friends can be lovers but best friends can never be lovers... why is that? because a best friend is someone who you can depend on... someone who you need when you have to say something and just can't tell anyone else. as everybody knows, a relationship is like a rollercoaster, sometimes it's up and sometimes it's down... when your best friend is your significant other, when everything is down, you don't only lose your lover, you also lose your best friend... it's harder that way right? instead of losing just by losing one important person, you lose two important roles in your life...
is that the only reason? the risk of losing someone? i can't think of any reasons at all... that reason was just explained to me... that reason was just shown to me... i really don't have any problem with best friends ending together since it's not that big of a chance to get into an arguement between the two... after all, they are friends and they know each other. they should be able to understand each other and to respect each other... it's another case when one is a different person while in a relationship... but usually, they know each other's problems, they know each other's hardships and what they have been thru... it's not like they will want to hurt each other in the course of the relationship, that they will want to be a burden to each other... nobody wants that right?
so i ask you again, can best friends be lovers? it will not be a surprise for everyone if a pair that close would end up as couples, after all, they are in the right path, right?
** best friends here are composed of a guy and a gal... i'm not talking about yuri of yaoi here... please clean your minds...
Monday, October 24, 2005
alex cross
into reading novels again... and this time, it's James Patterson! currently reading "roses are red" only to find out that Alex Cross appeared in so many more James Patterson novels... here's the list:
1. Along Came a Spider
2. Kiss the Girls
3. Jack & Jill
4. Cat & Mouse
5. Pop Goes the Weasel
6. Roses are Red
7. Violets are Blue
8. Four Blind Mice
9. The Big Bad Wolf
10. London Bridges
11. Mary, Mary
i want to read every single one of them!!! i'm really into the story of roses are red even though i'm not yet half way... it's like i can't lay the book down... addictive!!!
1. Along Came a Spider
2. Kiss the Girls
3. Jack & Jill
4. Cat & Mouse
5. Pop Goes the Weasel
6. Roses are Red
7. Violets are Blue
8. Four Blind Mice
9. The Big Bad Wolf
10. London Bridges
11. Mary, Mary
i want to read every single one of them!!! i'm really into the story of roses are red even though i'm not yet half way... it's like i can't lay the book down... addictive!!!
Sunday, October 23, 2005
procession
wow, my very first sunday in Haze's house! fun! :D
we stayed there for awhile after doing what we need to do and talked with Tanya while Haze was attending her brother's confirmation. we ate out, courtesy of Haze's family, (thanks!) even though it was a vegetarian shabu-shabu and Jira and I considered it as our version of "Fear Factor", it was superb! thanks again!
next thing, we joined the procession of Saint Jude Parish... it was my first procession to wear civilian clothings! and didn't even get the chance to catch my own flowers... but i got one anyway... thanks Ms. Alamo, for the beautiful rose! :D while we were in the churchyard, the scent coming from Mang Alex's fishball cart was really tempting, though i never ate from that cart, it was still a scent to miss and they say, the fishballs of Mang Alex will always be the best! anyway, we went in the halls of SJ once again on a Sunday... it was empty, quiet and no school buses! wow... it was like C.A.T. again... the atmosphere anywhere will never match the one that's of SJ... i don't know why, but i think the air coming from the Pasig river is what makes it so soothing even though the Pasig river is... you know... overly polluted... wow... how i miss SJ... may pasok ako kanina for short! :D
then we went up to the third floor where refreshments were given out everytime there's a procession... this year, instead of SJ's famous chicken sandwich which i adore and absolutely miss already, it was exchanged for a bunch of processed meat from McDo, burger McDo... ok, ok, you might think that SJ is improving... but somethings are just not meant for change... anyway, like what we always do, we get a burger and a drink... but like we always do, for me since we were in third year, we don't get contented with that... we go back, and back, and back, a couple more times more and have a drinking fest with softdrinks! although, awhile ago was different... we didn't need to sneak our drinks out, a Father approached us and invited us for more if we want to... it's nice to be a very loyal alumnus! so, not only drinking fest but also burger galore! although only a few of our batch mates attended, still we had fun... and lots of it too! we even played truth or dare and were very noisy!!!
only a few minutes ago i was back in SJ, enjoying everything there once again and now, i'm home and i have to do my KASPIL2 assignment due tomorrow... damn... i wish i was really back in SJ together with everyone... i miss you guys na so much!!! i still have that "i miss SJ" drug...
we stayed there for awhile after doing what we need to do and talked with Tanya while Haze was attending her brother's confirmation. we ate out, courtesy of Haze's family, (thanks!) even though it was a vegetarian shabu-shabu and Jira and I considered it as our version of "Fear Factor", it was superb! thanks again!
next thing, we joined the procession of Saint Jude Parish... it was my first procession to wear civilian clothings! and didn't even get the chance to catch my own flowers... but i got one anyway... thanks Ms. Alamo, for the beautiful rose! :D while we were in the churchyard, the scent coming from Mang Alex's fishball cart was really tempting, though i never ate from that cart, it was still a scent to miss and they say, the fishballs of Mang Alex will always be the best! anyway, we went in the halls of SJ once again on a Sunday... it was empty, quiet and no school buses! wow... it was like C.A.T. again... the atmosphere anywhere will never match the one that's of SJ... i don't know why, but i think the air coming from the Pasig river is what makes it so soothing even though the Pasig river is... you know... overly polluted... wow... how i miss SJ... may pasok ako kanina for short! :D
then we went up to the third floor where refreshments were given out everytime there's a procession... this year, instead of SJ's famous chicken sandwich which i adore and absolutely miss already, it was exchanged for a bunch of processed meat from McDo, burger McDo... ok, ok, you might think that SJ is improving... but somethings are just not meant for change... anyway, like what we always do, we get a burger and a drink... but like we always do, for me since we were in third year, we don't get contented with that... we go back, and back, and back, a couple more times more and have a drinking fest with softdrinks! although, awhile ago was different... we didn't need to sneak our drinks out, a Father approached us and invited us for more if we want to... it's nice to be a very loyal alumnus! so, not only drinking fest but also burger galore! although only a few of our batch mates attended, still we had fun... and lots of it too! we even played truth or dare and were very noisy!!!
only a few minutes ago i was back in SJ, enjoying everything there once again and now, i'm home and i have to do my KASPIL2 assignment due tomorrow... damn... i wish i was really back in SJ together with everyone... i miss you guys na so much!!! i still have that "i miss SJ" drug...
Saturday, October 22, 2005
break
finally had a short break today... a day to hang out with my friends...
ok, it didn't start out that way at all... first is to wake up very early to go to our cwts class and when i got there, we all waited for the others to arrive because they're late! damnation talaga o... call time is 0730!!! and we left? 0830!!! damn!!! a whole hour!!! then we finally arrived at the site, kaingin, at 0930 i think... and when we reached the top after climbing up under the very hot sun, we found out that the children we were suppose to teach were having a dental check up "down under"... so, we hang out there and played with the kids... and i bought "conrad" a little orange painted chick and we went back to DLSU already.
we ate at raps and attended the sme leadership training seminar thing... we left conrad at the blackboard eraser cleaner for awhile and attended the talk. when we went back for it, all that was left was a ... ok, ok, not really the type of remembrance you want from anything or anyone... but there it was.
Haze, Jira and me then went to Robinson's... ok, i've been there for so many times already but everytime that i'm there is a special moment for me because i'm there with different people, but all are good friends of mine, so naturally, new memories are formed each time i step into it. anyway, we didn't watch a movie this time, we window shopped, ate, ate, ate and ate... ok, we brought something too... we brought some pots, water sprays, soil, shovels and seeds... what for?! it's our little secret! :D
tomorrow's the procession for St. Jude Parish... a tradition that i got used to during my high school stay in SJ... wish i could go... i would but let's just see... oh yeah, our feast day was moved from oc t 27 to oct 22... not Saint Jude's feast day, that's on the 28th! but... basta!!!
Happy Feast Day! I had a lot of fun tonight!
ok, it didn't start out that way at all... first is to wake up very early to go to our cwts class and when i got there, we all waited for the others to arrive because they're late! damnation talaga o... call time is 0730!!! and we left? 0830!!! damn!!! a whole hour!!! then we finally arrived at the site, kaingin, at 0930 i think... and when we reached the top after climbing up under the very hot sun, we found out that the children we were suppose to teach were having a dental check up "down under"... so, we hang out there and played with the kids... and i bought "conrad" a little orange painted chick and we went back to DLSU already.
we ate at raps and attended the sme leadership training seminar thing... we left conrad at the blackboard eraser cleaner for awhile and attended the talk. when we went back for it, all that was left was a ... ok, ok, not really the type of remembrance you want from anything or anyone... but there it was.
Haze, Jira and me then went to Robinson's... ok, i've been there for so many times already but everytime that i'm there is a special moment for me because i'm there with different people, but all are good friends of mine, so naturally, new memories are formed each time i step into it. anyway, we didn't watch a movie this time, we window shopped, ate, ate, ate and ate... ok, we brought something too... we brought some pots, water sprays, soil, shovels and seeds... what for?! it's our little secret! :D
tomorrow's the procession for St. Jude Parish... a tradition that i got used to during my high school stay in SJ... wish i could go... i would but let's just see... oh yeah, our feast day was moved from oc t 27 to oct 22... not Saint Jude's feast day, that's on the 28th! but... basta!!!
Happy Feast Day! I had a lot of fun tonight!
Friday, October 21, 2005
relax... please?
remember last time how much i crave for a rewind button in life? well, i still want one... to fix the decisions i've made that i regret until this freaking day... the decisions which changed my life indefinitely! the mistakes that i have done to ruin my life like this. now, not only a rewind button but a pause and play button as well... if possible, a stop button too. why? for when i'm tired, i will just hit the pause button and relax... do nothing and just chill and a play button for when i'm ready to rummage thru life again...
life is really hard to live with... but you can't live without it... ironic right? damn... with all the things happening around me, around us, around everyone... the non-stop rallying of the people to overthrow the government, the evat law which i think will bring more trouble to the masses, the hit-the-ceiling increase of gas prices, the dead business everywhere, the false promises given by politicians... i think Filipinos today take inflation as a very hot fad and not seriously as it should be... i mean, like our Philippine History "teacher" said awhile ago, as DLSU students, how can we prevent or at least minimize the problems of the country? that took a moment out of my time to stare into space and think about what i could do on the way home from DLSU. i guess even though i don't know anything that's going around in the Philippines or in the world, i still want to help... even though i have Chinese blood flowing within me, i guess nationalism to the Philippines in which i grew up in has been awaken not by the chaos happening... but by our last term kaspil prof, Dr. Dery. i guess all the articles about Rizal and the pre-colonial Filipinos have opened my eyes to act and to help out the country... PGMA said last night on the news, by 20 years from now, Philippines would have already paid it's debt and inflation will not be the in thing because the e-vat law has been approved... let's just see about that...
i guess my problems are just a tiny speck compared to the problem of the country, huh? but i'm still a kid... no, i'm not... even though how much i want to be a kid i've got face reality, i turned 18 last may already and am considered as an adult already... as a legal aged citizen... i need to be aware of what's happening... but me? no... i don't really want to know because the problems and workload i have everyday is enough to ruin every single thing in my life... because the more i listen to the news, the more irritated i become, the more i can't wait to leave the country... but i can't do that can i? i mean, i grew up here in the Philippines and could never and i mean never leave this country until everything is in good hands? i'm not really an activist, but i want to do something even though i don't want to...
ok, time out!
this is becoming to be a very nationalistic entry... back to the original subject... i want to have a pause button in life right now, lie on the grass somewhere high and look at the stars tonight... here in manila, i can't see any stars... maybe 2 or 3 only... why? because of the pollution!!! heck, please, i really want to get away from everything even just for tonight or just for a week... i want to get away from all the responsiblities i have to fulfill, i want to get away from my daily life... i just want to have a break and relax... i want to go to a spa to soothe my bones and relax my tired body... i just want to chill...
is it so much to ask for?! give me a break!!! please?!
life is really hard to live with... but you can't live without it... ironic right? damn... with all the things happening around me, around us, around everyone... the non-stop rallying of the people to overthrow the government, the evat law which i think will bring more trouble to the masses, the hit-the-ceiling increase of gas prices, the dead business everywhere, the false promises given by politicians... i think Filipinos today take inflation as a very hot fad and not seriously as it should be... i mean, like our Philippine History "teacher" said awhile ago, as DLSU students, how can we prevent or at least minimize the problems of the country? that took a moment out of my time to stare into space and think about what i could do on the way home from DLSU. i guess even though i don't know anything that's going around in the Philippines or in the world, i still want to help... even though i have Chinese blood flowing within me, i guess nationalism to the Philippines in which i grew up in has been awaken not by the chaos happening... but by our last term kaspil prof, Dr. Dery. i guess all the articles about Rizal and the pre-colonial Filipinos have opened my eyes to act and to help out the country... PGMA said last night on the news, by 20 years from now, Philippines would have already paid it's debt and inflation will not be the in thing because the e-vat law has been approved... let's just see about that...
i guess my problems are just a tiny speck compared to the problem of the country, huh? but i'm still a kid... no, i'm not... even though how much i want to be a kid i've got face reality, i turned 18 last may already and am considered as an adult already... as a legal aged citizen... i need to be aware of what's happening... but me? no... i don't really want to know because the problems and workload i have everyday is enough to ruin every single thing in my life... because the more i listen to the news, the more irritated i become, the more i can't wait to leave the country... but i can't do that can i? i mean, i grew up here in the Philippines and could never and i mean never leave this country until everything is in good hands? i'm not really an activist, but i want to do something even though i don't want to...
ok, time out!
this is becoming to be a very nationalistic entry... back to the original subject... i want to have a pause button in life right now, lie on the grass somewhere high and look at the stars tonight... here in manila, i can't see any stars... maybe 2 or 3 only... why? because of the pollution!!! heck, please, i really want to get away from everything even just for tonight or just for a week... i want to get away from all the responsiblities i have to fulfill, i want to get away from my daily life... i just want to have a break and relax... i want to go to a spa to soothe my bones and relax my tired body... i just want to chill...
is it so much to ask for?! give me a break!!! please?!
break down
break down... actually, still breaking down... hay... really had a tough day... brain draining... wah!!! still can't stop whining and whining and whining... i'm becoming very annoying... not to mention more corny!!!
i wanna die na... even just for tonight...
i wanna die na... even just for tonight...
Thursday, October 20, 2005
long long update
wow, if i didn't open my blog right now, i wouldn't have updated still!!! anyway, it's been a long time... guess i've been busy... oh yeah, i still got to finish my write up for chem lab, our kaspil2 project, my summary of the robotics talk for chem and i still got to study for our engcal quiz tomorrow... wow... and then after all that, i can go to sleep and wake up at 0530 tom and leave for dlsu 0630... and guess what, my class is not until 0920 pa!!! guess i can't wait for the weekends... i can't wait for october 31, november 1 and november 4... i want to relax!!! i've been rushing everything this week... as in, i barely know what to do first... you can say,
I'M ON THE VERGE OF BREAKING DOWN!!! SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE!!! I WANT TO DIE ALREADY!!!
i haven't stop whining since tuesday when everything just went from calm, cool and collected to disasterous, hectic and just plain chaotic!!! ok ok... maybe i'm exaggerating a bit, some people have more things to do... but i'm kinda laid back... and i can't stay up the whole night cause if that happens again, i will get sick... again! that's why as much as possible, 9 hours of sleep for me please!
anyway, there i go again, whine whine whine... that's my specialty alright... oh yeah, you guys check this site out...
cloud song
it's cool!!! and here's the lyrics that i patiently gathered...
Cloud Song
My name is Cloud,
I have a sword.
I fight cactuars,
Because I'm bored.
I like to ride,
On chocobos.
It's better than,
Having afros.
And when I go into an inn,
15 seconds,
It's day again.
I will use
A phoenix down,
So when I die,
I will not frown.
Because I am Cloud,
My hair defies all gravity.
And I can't have too many potions,
Or I might get cavities.
If I can't slice you,
Then that's ok.
I use my magic,
Anyway.
And I will defeat that Sephiroth,
Because he's not David Lee Roth!
I'M ON THE VERGE OF BREAKING DOWN!!! SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE!!! I WANT TO DIE ALREADY!!!
i haven't stop whining since tuesday when everything just went from calm, cool and collected to disasterous, hectic and just plain chaotic!!! ok ok... maybe i'm exaggerating a bit, some people have more things to do... but i'm kinda laid back... and i can't stay up the whole night cause if that happens again, i will get sick... again! that's why as much as possible, 9 hours of sleep for me please!
anyway, there i go again, whine whine whine... that's my specialty alright... oh yeah, you guys check this site out...
cloud song
it's cool!!! and here's the lyrics that i patiently gathered...
Cloud Song
My name is Cloud,
I have a sword.
I fight cactuars,
Because I'm bored.
I like to ride,
On chocobos.
It's better than,
Having afros.
And when I go into an inn,
15 seconds,
It's day again.
I will use
A phoenix down,
So when I die,
I will not frown.
Because I am Cloud,
My hair defies all gravity.
And I can't have too many potions,
Or I might get cavities.
If I can't slice you,
Then that's ok.
I use my magic,
Anyway.
And I will defeat that Sephiroth,
Because he's not David Lee Roth!
Monday, October 17, 2005
Saturday, October 15, 2005
what's hot and what's not
what's hot: weather today... super hot! hahahah!!! joking aside, what's hot today? i'm starting to learn how to play the guitar!!! life long dream!!! although my fingers hurt and i stink at it big time, it's still cool... next thing you know, i will be playing for you!!! thanks sensei Karlo! :D
one more thing, i learned what my name means... actually, different meanings...
1. mysha (mysh)- protective
2. michelin (myshyl lyn)- lovable
3. micheline (myshyl lyn)- delightful
4. michel/mikaela (myshyl)- God loving
never thought na meron same spelling nick name ko!!! hindi na ako orig!!! pero, kaya marami kasi wala yung exact spelling ng name ko e... weird kasi spelling pero, me like! :D
what's not: serious stuff... what if you're into something that can never be?
ok... super cliche question... what will you do if you really want something but no matter what you do, you can't have it? what will you do if you have it already but it really can't be... know what i'm saying? no matter what happens, you can't have it... sad right? specially if you're really into it already... hard to let go... hard to forget... hard to ignore... hard to hide... why? because you want it and you're proud of it... right? hay... a lot of people i know have this problem right now... and what do they do? hide... that's right... hide... why? because they're afraid... they are afraid to try and fight for what they want... afraid to be liberated... afraid to be free... heck, if we don't do what we need to do in order to get that something, we really won't be able to acquire it... as i have always said, speak your mind... tell them what it's like... be brave... because when you're not all these, you can never have the guts to fight for what you want and you will never acquire it... good if what you want is just material thing... but what if it's not... what if it's pride, honor or skill? you have to work hard for it... and well, if you don't try hard enough, you won't gain it... you know why? because you are not the right one to take hold of it... in short, you made it into a "not meant to be", "not destined to be"... damn... hard right? harsh if i do say so myself...
this entry is not to lecture others, it's to lecture me as well... i have a lot of things that i want that i'm not suppose to have... what do i do? i hide everything... i use cover ups and stuff... tell a little white lie here and a big lie there... trust me... i have been lying for years!!! what are the things i'm not supposed to have? i'm not suppose to love someone so dear and i'm not allowed to care for someone so dear... there's this Chinese racist thing towards Filipinos... i know every Chinese knows that.... as well as every Filipino who have cared for a Chinese... i pondered upon the words of Karlo awhile ago...
"hindi ba kayo pwede maging normal na tao lang na pwedeng magmahal ng kahit sino?"
trust me... i don't know the answer... i think i need to mature more just to find the answer to that...
one more thing, i learned what my name means... actually, different meanings...
1. mysha (mysh)- protective
2. michelin (myshyl lyn)- lovable
3. micheline (myshyl lyn)- delightful
4. michel/mikaela (myshyl)- God loving
never thought na meron same spelling nick name ko!!! hindi na ako orig!!! pero, kaya marami kasi wala yung exact spelling ng name ko e... weird kasi spelling pero, me like! :D
what's not: serious stuff... what if you're into something that can never be?
ok... super cliche question... what will you do if you really want something but no matter what you do, you can't have it? what will you do if you have it already but it really can't be... know what i'm saying? no matter what happens, you can't have it... sad right? specially if you're really into it already... hard to let go... hard to forget... hard to ignore... hard to hide... why? because you want it and you're proud of it... right? hay... a lot of people i know have this problem right now... and what do they do? hide... that's right... hide... why? because they're afraid... they are afraid to try and fight for what they want... afraid to be liberated... afraid to be free... heck, if we don't do what we need to do in order to get that something, we really won't be able to acquire it... as i have always said, speak your mind... tell them what it's like... be brave... because when you're not all these, you can never have the guts to fight for what you want and you will never acquire it... good if what you want is just material thing... but what if it's not... what if it's pride, honor or skill? you have to work hard for it... and well, if you don't try hard enough, you won't gain it... you know why? because you are not the right one to take hold of it... in short, you made it into a "not meant to be", "not destined to be"... damn... hard right? harsh if i do say so myself...
this entry is not to lecture others, it's to lecture me as well... i have a lot of things that i want that i'm not suppose to have... what do i do? i hide everything... i use cover ups and stuff... tell a little white lie here and a big lie there... trust me... i have been lying for years!!! what are the things i'm not supposed to have? i'm not suppose to love someone so dear and i'm not allowed to care for someone so dear... there's this Chinese racist thing towards Filipinos... i know every Chinese knows that.... as well as every Filipino who have cared for a Chinese... i pondered upon the words of Karlo awhile ago...
"hindi ba kayo pwede maging normal na tao lang na pwedeng magmahal ng kahit sino?"
trust me... i don't know the answer... i think i need to mature more just to find the answer to that...
Friday, October 14, 2005
prayers
"the more you study, the more you forget..."
ok, basically it's true because if you study more, there's more to forget... but when you don't study at all, what is there to forget about? you may think of it as "pilosopo" but it's really the truth... but then, there's always study and understand so you won't forget, or the billboard effect as they call it...
awhile ago, i was at the 3rd floor fire exit of velasco, watching the people below as they seek shelter in miguel to prevent getting wet from the rain... then i suddenly looked up, looking at the partly set sun as it was around 4:40 to 4:50 already... our ten minute break from kaspil2 and chemone... ok, i was thinking again so i didn't listen to the discussion our chemone prof was giving... here's what happened as i look up... i talked to God...
i have always believed that talking to God in prayers can do miracles in life... not only for one's self but also for others... i don't go to church every sunday... and trust me, i seldom do... there are times that i go to the chapel to pray to God.. but most of the time, i talk to Him when i just need to thank Him about something or need to ask for something... i thank Him for my daily life as well as my friends... i know it's not like me to be like this... but, sorry, this side of me, i don't usually let people see...
so, here's the scoop... why the study and the prayer? it gave me a lot of courage today... those two things... it's really not about me... but about a friend... Good luck, you know who you are... pinagdasal na kita ng sobra sobra... i pray for your happiness...
ok, basically it's true because if you study more, there's more to forget... but when you don't study at all, what is there to forget about? you may think of it as "pilosopo" but it's really the truth... but then, there's always study and understand so you won't forget, or the billboard effect as they call it...
awhile ago, i was at the 3rd floor fire exit of velasco, watching the people below as they seek shelter in miguel to prevent getting wet from the rain... then i suddenly looked up, looking at the partly set sun as it was around 4:40 to 4:50 already... our ten minute break from kaspil2 and chemone... ok, i was thinking again so i didn't listen to the discussion our chemone prof was giving... here's what happened as i look up... i talked to God...
i have always believed that talking to God in prayers can do miracles in life... not only for one's self but also for others... i don't go to church every sunday... and trust me, i seldom do... there are times that i go to the chapel to pray to God.. but most of the time, i talk to Him when i just need to thank Him about something or need to ask for something... i thank Him for my daily life as well as my friends... i know it's not like me to be like this... but, sorry, this side of me, i don't usually let people see...
so, here's the scoop... why the study and the prayer? it gave me a lot of courage today... those two things... it's really not about me... but about a friend... Good luck, you know who you are... pinagdasal na kita ng sobra sobra... i pray for your happiness...
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
rain
"as the rain fall, it feels like heaven's crying..."
as i watched the raindrops drop on our car's window, i looked at it and thought of the many things that i usually think about... you know, the stuff that i shouldn't even be thinking about... anyway, i watched it and noticed that every drop that fell is not just one... but it divides into little droplets... wish my life is like that... that i will never be alone... that in the end, there's still someone there for me despite everything... but no! the life i live is a lonely one... it's like i don't have any special friends or even close friends... of course, everyone i know is my friend... trust me... but there are just some people who deserves much more friendship than i expect to give them... that's the people na kinaiinisan ko... this entry is not about them... it's about those people who i consider very special, those people who are like brothers and sisters for me... especially the person who became my best friend from 6th grade til 2nd year... ok, maybe i have a bad luck with best friends, i'm not good at keeping them... that's why i stopped myself from looking further and treated everyone equally... treated everyone the same... but then, awhile ago, i suddenly thought of that past... the best friend who mattered most in my life back then... my hachi mitsu... i guess those poems i wrote are true... someone is still haunting me not because i like them like them... but because they made such an impact in my life that i can never forget... i thought that maybe if we didn't have our arguement, our fight, our dispute, our differences... things will still be the same and i wouldn't have learn the pain that one has to endure in life... the pain that stays with you even if you forget everything else... i guess i have to thank him for that... for opening a new life for me... ok stop!
i can be depressed for the rest of my life... i can be alone for the rest of my life... and yet, i can still be happy for the rest of my life... it's my choice right? i can be afraid to face the future... i can be eager to know what will happen next... it's my choice! well then, i guess i really make my own decision right? i can be whoever i want to be... maybe it's just a phase that i think about these stuff over and over again... i know i will never be alone... and so, i should live my life with a smile from now on!
as i watched the raindrops drop on our car's window, i looked at it and thought of the many things that i usually think about... you know, the stuff that i shouldn't even be thinking about... anyway, i watched it and noticed that every drop that fell is not just one... but it divides into little droplets... wish my life is like that... that i will never be alone... that in the end, there's still someone there for me despite everything... but no! the life i live is a lonely one... it's like i don't have any special friends or even close friends... of course, everyone i know is my friend... trust me... but there are just some people who deserves much more friendship than i expect to give them... that's the people na kinaiinisan ko... this entry is not about them... it's about those people who i consider very special, those people who are like brothers and sisters for me... especially the person who became my best friend from 6th grade til 2nd year... ok, maybe i have a bad luck with best friends, i'm not good at keeping them... that's why i stopped myself from looking further and treated everyone equally... treated everyone the same... but then, awhile ago, i suddenly thought of that past... the best friend who mattered most in my life back then... my hachi mitsu... i guess those poems i wrote are true... someone is still haunting me not because i like them like them... but because they made such an impact in my life that i can never forget... i thought that maybe if we didn't have our arguement, our fight, our dispute, our differences... things will still be the same and i wouldn't have learn the pain that one has to endure in life... the pain that stays with you even if you forget everything else... i guess i have to thank him for that... for opening a new life for me... ok stop!
i can be depressed for the rest of my life... i can be alone for the rest of my life... and yet, i can still be happy for the rest of my life... it's my choice right? i can be afraid to face the future... i can be eager to know what will happen next... it's my choice! well then, i guess i really make my own decision right? i can be whoever i want to be... maybe it's just a phase that i think about these stuff over and over again... i know i will never be alone... and so, i should live my life with a smile from now on!
Monday, October 10, 2005
sleepless night
this is what i did last night besides these two which are entered in our 60th eng batch shirt design contest...
front
back...
wow... how i miss my friends... wallpaper ko nga pala yun ngayon! :D really need to catch up on my z's...
Saturday, October 08, 2005
status
sometimes it feels like i don't have any friends... but then again, maybe it's true...
sometimes i feel like i'm alone... that i have no one to go to when i'm in need... maybe it's a family curse... that everyone in our family needs to be alone and never experience the fun to be with others except relatives... i don't want that... sometimes it feels like everyone just needs to move on and leave everyone behind... i never did that... sometimes the person you think you could go to is the person who shoves you off...
why are people like that? why does people have to have "the status"? why does people have to have "barriers"? why??? maybe because it's just the law of people, to put labels on each other...
sometimes i think that the feeling i have is not just a feeling... but the truth... that i don't really have friends... why? one, maybe because everyone else have their own cliques and i don't? my label: "LOSER"!!! ok, accept that... why? because there's nothing wrong with not giving in to bad things... nothing wrong with speaking your mind... nothing wrong with doing what you have to do... nothing wrong with trying to be at your best... nothing wrong to be alone...
ok... so maybe i really don't have any friends at all but just people i meet and get to know each day... so maybe i need friends and am in constant need of advice and guidance... so maybe i need to be more... i don't know... i don't know what i have to change in me... because what i know is, a really friend is someone who accepts you for who you are...
so, do i have a friend? or none at all? maybe from this day on, i will play as someone invisible... those people who i bug most of the time, say bye to the mysh you knew... since this day on, i will be an invisible woman... sorry...
sometimes i feel like i'm alone... that i have no one to go to when i'm in need... maybe it's a family curse... that everyone in our family needs to be alone and never experience the fun to be with others except relatives... i don't want that... sometimes it feels like everyone just needs to move on and leave everyone behind... i never did that... sometimes the person you think you could go to is the person who shoves you off...
why are people like that? why does people have to have "the status"? why does people have to have "barriers"? why??? maybe because it's just the law of people, to put labels on each other...
sometimes i think that the feeling i have is not just a feeling... but the truth... that i don't really have friends... why? one, maybe because everyone else have their own cliques and i don't? my label: "LOSER"!!! ok, accept that... why? because there's nothing wrong with not giving in to bad things... nothing wrong with speaking your mind... nothing wrong with doing what you have to do... nothing wrong with trying to be at your best... nothing wrong to be alone...
ok... so maybe i really don't have any friends at all but just people i meet and get to know each day... so maybe i need friends and am in constant need of advice and guidance... so maybe i need to be more... i don't know... i don't know what i have to change in me... because what i know is, a really friend is someone who accepts you for who you are...
so, do i have a friend? or none at all? maybe from this day on, i will play as someone invisible... those people who i bug most of the time, say bye to the mysh you knew... since this day on, i will be an invisible woman... sorry...
dreams
catching little glimpse of the show "little big star" of abs-cbn right now... i guess every kid there have the dream of being the best and claim the top spot...
there was this kid, the first i think, who sang "when you believe" ok, it set me back up the stage of SJ again... ok ok... im weird but this entry is not about that...
it's about how much i wish that childhood was spent on more serious things... like piano lessons, guitar lessons, violin lessons, aikido, taekwondo or music lessons... wow... how i envy those kids... hahahah!!! i'm basically an adult now... and still i haven't learned how to play any instrument... i don't know any art or sport!!! all i know is how to sleep, watch tv and right now, kahit papano, computer literate... i think i'm a born failure... i don't even know how to use a washing machine or a sewing machine...
what are my dreams? when i was in second grade, i had my mind fix... that i want to be a lawyer when i grow up... then i opened my eyes to reality, i can't possibly be lawyer... ever! then i saw the opportunity of being a chef... opening my own restaurant or a bakery... why? because cooking and baking are some of my passion!!! i enjoy looking at people's happy faces when they take a bite off a piece of my cookie... or when they light up when they taste my leche flan...
but then there are my past times... crochet, pc, building models and designing... and where am i now? engineering... i guess building models, pc and designing took my interest the best!!! i also enjoy singing, but face it... i really don't know how to sing!!!
wah!!! guitar... violin...
there was this kid, the first i think, who sang "when you believe" ok, it set me back up the stage of SJ again... ok ok... im weird but this entry is not about that...
it's about how much i wish that childhood was spent on more serious things... like piano lessons, guitar lessons, violin lessons, aikido, taekwondo or music lessons... wow... how i envy those kids... hahahah!!! i'm basically an adult now... and still i haven't learned how to play any instrument... i don't know any art or sport!!! all i know is how to sleep, watch tv and right now, kahit papano, computer literate... i think i'm a born failure... i don't even know how to use a washing machine or a sewing machine...
what are my dreams? when i was in second grade, i had my mind fix... that i want to be a lawyer when i grow up... then i opened my eyes to reality, i can't possibly be lawyer... ever! then i saw the opportunity of being a chef... opening my own restaurant or a bakery... why? because cooking and baking are some of my passion!!! i enjoy looking at people's happy faces when they take a bite off a piece of my cookie... or when they light up when they taste my leche flan...
but then there are my past times... crochet, pc, building models and designing... and where am i now? engineering... i guess building models, pc and designing took my interest the best!!! i also enjoy singing, but face it... i really don't know how to sing!!!
wah!!! guitar... violin...
Thursday, October 06, 2005
cad... 1*beep*2
1*beep*2 raised to infinity... can't say much... the FEUd ends... and it really ended badly with FEU scoring 73 points and DLSU with 71 points... pretty nice game though...
here's what i've been doing in cad lab...
1*beep*2... DAMN!!!
here's what i've been doing in cad lab...
1*beep*2... DAMN!!!
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
not quite...
hey, i just finished rummaging thru all my stuff in here looking for my said lost atm card... gosh!!! i searched for it for like one and a half hour, panicking then i saw it... at my mom's desk... which she supposedly handed it to me last night...
anyway... as i was waiting for my mom to drive me home awhile ago, by the way, i waited for 20 minutes... again! for my mom, it's early... anyway, i was singing "That's When" by Aslyn... i don't know, it seems to be stuck in my mind because of the heart warming lyrics... and then i found myself thinking of what my entry will be for tonight... i was talking to myself back then, mumbling words that i shouldn't say when i'm alone... a girl stood next to me and staring at me... then i realized that i'm talking to myself... anyway, i have forgotten it actually because i was occupied looking for my atm card... i think it went something like this:
lately, i would be lieing if i said i've been happy beyond words... or even just plain happy. i know being with my friends makes my daily load lighter even just a teensy bit... but still, the load i carry is more like a burden to me now... i found myself wiping off tears from my eyes during our 10 minute breaks between ansogeo, kaspil and chemone... good thing nobody saw me... i was really quiet... thinking about stuff that i shouldn't even be thinking of... i mean, of course i miss some high school friends... but i figured out that there is no such thing as high school friends... nor there's such as college friends... why? because everyone is a friend no matter when i got to know them... college life is still hard for me... i've stayed in dlsu manila for almost 5 months now and i still haven't gotten use to everything... actually, i'm quite comfy of the place but not the people... in short, i still haven't adjust... i guess it's not because i can't but it's because i really don't want to. i still prefer being with good ol fellow judenites... of course there are also a few number of new friends that i enjoy their company and wish to know them a little bit more... but maybe because of what i have went thru in high school, i have made a barrier not to get too attached to anybody because i'm afraid to get hurt once again... i mean, i spend time in dlsu manila not to get attached to new people or stay in the past... i'm there for a reason... and that reason is manufacturing engineering and management. i enter eng gate everyday to get at least a 1.0 in all my courses... not that i am contented with 1.0... as much as possible, i try my best to get a 4.0 in all my courses...
anyway, those tears i shed are not for my friends... they're not even for my problems... not even for my grades if that's what your thinking... those tears are not tears of joy... but tears of misery... i'm a lone wolf... i know how to live alone... i actually prefer it sometimes... but sometimes i just long for someone's hug, for someone's shoulder to cry on, for someone's ears to listen to me, for someone's voice to listen to, for someone's eyes to drift away in... everybody knows who that special someone is to me... i miss him... whenever i close my eyes, i always wish that if i open it, i will see no one, nothing, but him... but i know it will never be possible... i know it will be impossible for me to give this up... it's impossible for me to forget... it's impossible for me not to dream... it's impossible for me not to wish and fantasize...
so i guess, the answer... not quite people... not quite...
i guess being a person in this world gives me a reason to live it on... i may not be a princess and will never be because i'm not royalty or of royal descent... but trust me, i am a princess in my own way... it's all thanks to someone... who makes me feel like i'm a princess whenever he's around...
anyway... as i was waiting for my mom to drive me home awhile ago, by the way, i waited for 20 minutes... again! for my mom, it's early... anyway, i was singing "That's When" by Aslyn... i don't know, it seems to be stuck in my mind because of the heart warming lyrics... and then i found myself thinking of what my entry will be for tonight... i was talking to myself back then, mumbling words that i shouldn't say when i'm alone... a girl stood next to me and staring at me... then i realized that i'm talking to myself... anyway, i have forgotten it actually because i was occupied looking for my atm card... i think it went something like this:
lately, i would be lieing if i said i've been happy beyond words... or even just plain happy. i know being with my friends makes my daily load lighter even just a teensy bit... but still, the load i carry is more like a burden to me now... i found myself wiping off tears from my eyes during our 10 minute breaks between ansogeo, kaspil and chemone... good thing nobody saw me... i was really quiet... thinking about stuff that i shouldn't even be thinking of... i mean, of course i miss some high school friends... but i figured out that there is no such thing as high school friends... nor there's such as college friends... why? because everyone is a friend no matter when i got to know them... college life is still hard for me... i've stayed in dlsu manila for almost 5 months now and i still haven't gotten use to everything... actually, i'm quite comfy of the place but not the people... in short, i still haven't adjust... i guess it's not because i can't but it's because i really don't want to. i still prefer being with good ol fellow judenites... of course there are also a few number of new friends that i enjoy their company and wish to know them a little bit more... but maybe because of what i have went thru in high school, i have made a barrier not to get too attached to anybody because i'm afraid to get hurt once again... i mean, i spend time in dlsu manila not to get attached to new people or stay in the past... i'm there for a reason... and that reason is manufacturing engineering and management. i enter eng gate everyday to get at least a 1.0 in all my courses... not that i am contented with 1.0... as much as possible, i try my best to get a 4.0 in all my courses...
anyway, those tears i shed are not for my friends... they're not even for my problems... not even for my grades if that's what your thinking... those tears are not tears of joy... but tears of misery... i'm a lone wolf... i know how to live alone... i actually prefer it sometimes... but sometimes i just long for someone's hug, for someone's shoulder to cry on, for someone's ears to listen to me, for someone's voice to listen to, for someone's eyes to drift away in... everybody knows who that special someone is to me... i miss him... whenever i close my eyes, i always wish that if i open it, i will see no one, nothing, but him... but i know it will never be possible... i know it will be impossible for me to give this up... it's impossible for me to forget... it's impossible for me not to dream... it's impossible for me not to wish and fantasize...
so i guess, the answer... not quite people... not quite...
i guess being a person in this world gives me a reason to live it on... i may not be a princess and will never be because i'm not royalty or of royal descent... but trust me, i am a princess in my own way... it's all thanks to someone... who makes me feel like i'm a princess whenever he's around...
Monday, October 03, 2005
old memories... confusion...
just finished browsing thru my journal way back 1998!!! wow!!! that was old... anyway, browsing thru it, i found a lot of memories in there... like my first serious crush and that my hand writing sucks!!! i found poems, quotes and this:
my type of guy is the ff. :
1. cute
2. kind
3. timid
4. sensitive
5. the one who also thinks of others not only himself
exact words... i guess i'm shallow... i thought of browsing my old journals to find out what i looked for in a guy when i was younger... i was just 11 back then... i guess some still applies... but then, my list now is...
1. gentleman
2. sincere
3. caring
4. one who will love me
i guess it improved... right?
anyway, during ansogeo awhile ago... i was struck with a thought and just had to write this poem...
Lost Princess
by: minisignal
Why do I have to suffer?
After all the time I gave.
You left me alone crying,
Why does this all have to end?
Tonight I sat by the window,
Asking for nothing but you.
Is it me who want it to end?
I guess it is, and I'm wrong...
Why am I so dumb, naive?
I know what I want and it's you.
I kept it to myself,
Until I told you the truth.
Now I ask of you again,
Take me back in your arms.
I can't live on like this,
Make me your princess once again.
It's lame... but... no wonder i wrote one again... i'm confused once again...
my type of guy is the ff. :
1. cute
2. kind
3. timid
4. sensitive
5. the one who also thinks of others not only himself
exact words... i guess i'm shallow... i thought of browsing my old journals to find out what i looked for in a guy when i was younger... i was just 11 back then... i guess some still applies... but then, my list now is...
1. gentleman
2. sincere
3. caring
4. one who will love me
i guess it improved... right?
anyway, during ansogeo awhile ago... i was struck with a thought and just had to write this poem...
Lost Princess
by: minisignal
Why do I have to suffer?
After all the time I gave.
You left me alone crying,
Why does this all have to end?
Tonight I sat by the window,
Asking for nothing but you.
Is it me who want it to end?
I guess it is, and I'm wrong...
Why am I so dumb, naive?
I know what I want and it's you.
I kept it to myself,
Until I told you the truth.
Now I ask of you again,
Take me back in your arms.
I can't live on like this,
Make me your princess once again.
It's lame... but... no wonder i wrote one again... i'm confused once again...
Sunday, October 02, 2005
my own...
how can one know that everything is over? that everything must already be forgotten? that it is time to move on? that everything must be left behind and let it be anything but a memory of the past? how could something be like that when it didn't even exists?
how could someone be so sure what is happening? should everything be in the form of words? how about actions? they say that actions speak louder than words... but isn't it nice to hear certain words once in a while?
i'm tired... so tired... tired of what? of waiting for a sure rejection... for waiting for absolutely nothing... for waiting... just that... i'm not sure what will happen in the future... i'm not sure what will happen right this minute... will the food i am cooking burn because i'm writing this entry and leaving it there to cook? you see, i'm not sure... nobody is... and because i'm not sure, i'm scared... i don't know what will happen next... nobody does...
but because of waiting, we soon find out what will happen... we expect too much that we sometimes- or must i say, most of the time - hurt ourselves... we sometimes visualize what will happen, there enters the countless images that flashes before our eyes... and we get the worst case scenario... but even so, we hope and wish for the best for us... and even though we expected the worst, we still get dissappointed about it... it? yeah, it... about not having the best to happen...
patience is a virtue and we need it while waiting for something, or someone. i know i need a lot of it... i have been waiting for something for 7 months now... and still it has not come... how i wish that it comes positively but all this waiting has given me nothing but confusion... how many times have i said that i give up, i don't want this anymore, i'm suffering a lot, i'm pathetic?! a lot!!! in my eighteen years of existence, this is the second time around that i have experience this kind of feeling... the feeling that, i'm sure to face it sooner or later... that it will never come out positive... it's always negative... it's just like multiplying a positive interger and a negative integer... nothing comes out positive... it's always negative...
i know i may sound very depressed right now... i am... i am... i have been everything but happy since march 22, 2005... a very memorable day for me... remind me to be patient even though i know i'm not waiting for something positive and i will only get myself hurt...
i give up... i don't know if i'm sure of this already... but as of now, that is my decision... i can live by myself... i want to be my own... and no one elses...
how could someone be so sure what is happening? should everything be in the form of words? how about actions? they say that actions speak louder than words... but isn't it nice to hear certain words once in a while?
i'm tired... so tired... tired of what? of waiting for a sure rejection... for waiting for absolutely nothing... for waiting... just that... i'm not sure what will happen in the future... i'm not sure what will happen right this minute... will the food i am cooking burn because i'm writing this entry and leaving it there to cook? you see, i'm not sure... nobody is... and because i'm not sure, i'm scared... i don't know what will happen next... nobody does...
but because of waiting, we soon find out what will happen... we expect too much that we sometimes- or must i say, most of the time - hurt ourselves... we sometimes visualize what will happen, there enters the countless images that flashes before our eyes... and we get the worst case scenario... but even so, we hope and wish for the best for us... and even though we expected the worst, we still get dissappointed about it... it? yeah, it... about not having the best to happen...
patience is a virtue and we need it while waiting for something, or someone. i know i need a lot of it... i have been waiting for something for 7 months now... and still it has not come... how i wish that it comes positively but all this waiting has given me nothing but confusion... how many times have i said that i give up, i don't want this anymore, i'm suffering a lot, i'm pathetic?! a lot!!! in my eighteen years of existence, this is the second time around that i have experience this kind of feeling... the feeling that, i'm sure to face it sooner or later... that it will never come out positive... it's always negative... it's just like multiplying a positive interger and a negative integer... nothing comes out positive... it's always negative...
i know i may sound very depressed right now... i am... i am... i have been everything but happy since march 22, 2005... a very memorable day for me... remind me to be patient even though i know i'm not waiting for something positive and i will only get myself hurt...
i give up... i don't know if i'm sure of this already... but as of now, that is my decision... i can live by myself... i want to be my own... and no one elses...
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