letter

This past week has been all about letters… an article of a 19-year old girl writing a letter to her future love and a friend who sent me a letter with all her frustrations and confusions in it. I also saw a box full of letters from my younger years from all my friends and reminisced on them for quite awhile. Nowadays, most letters are type written, e-mailed, of short messages can be sent through a test message, tweet or a simple wall post on facebook. my letters (like the previous post) is more on a blog post… 

Hey you,

Remember those times when I just go to you and talk about anything under the sun? How I would talk about my likes and dislikes, and ask you about yours? How you would ask what kind of girl am I when I go out on dates or how I treat guys then you would exclaim "ikaw nalang ligawan ko!"? Those times when you text me and ask me where I am, what am I doing, who I'm with and tease me about having such an extravagant lifestyle? Those times when you tell me to have a safe trip when going home late from a night out with my friends? When you ask me to watch you play your sport? When we spend time laughing or teasing each other and feel like we were the only two people in the room when in fact, the room is full of people? or that one time when you told me I was cute, without me even trying to………

Because those were the times that I always go back to… the times where I wish to be in every single day… back to the time before all these issues came out and things became awkward between us. 

I know, I am not someone you would ever like, or take a second look at for that matter, and I tried to forget you and move on. But how could I? Just when I start not to think about you, you come back. Just when I start to hate you, you do something so sweet that even I couldn't resist smiling and just forgiving you? Just when I start not to care, you just sweep me off my feet again? 

Hey you, I really don't know when I started to like you. All those "remember the time when" stuff were nothing to me when they were happening… nothing seemed important. Even though a lot of people were telling me that they could see through me and could tell that something was these, I didn't know, honestly. 

Remember that little thing I gave you and told you not to tell anyone about it? It was when I saw it and thought about you that I realize there was really something. 

So, hey you, I hope you forgive me. 

Always but not forever, 

me

oh, I almost forgot, when you are at loss of words with me, just give me a :) 

Hey Dear,

I'm doing fine thank you very much… Since you've left, I've been spending more time at home, more time resting and more time stressing out on all the adult responsibilities that I should have been taking care of even when you were still here… 

All my life, I have been an adult. You know this, you were the one who gave me the heaviest responsibility of all, to take care of my brother. Yes, I still remember this. And ever since I entered my Alma Mater, this is all that has been enforced on me. Now that my brother is not even on my side, this is still a continuous responsibility that I have to bear. This is inescapable already, it's like it's my fate and the reason I was born.

But hey, I don't mind it that much since this sole responsibility showed me how to be independent. Along with, of course, the days at the office where I had to do all the things that everyone else is doing with equal capabilities even though they are much much older than me, and all the expectations that everyone has of me ever since I was a child. These expectations are really not going away, in fact, they've accumulated over the years. Sure, they are pressuring me and are haunting me in every step of the way, but once I have achieve one of them, I feel very much proud of myself.

Hey dear, I never realized that I would miss you this much… as in every waking moment and every minute I spend outside my room, every time that I am walking out of the main door, and every time I come back home. You have been a big part of my life and have been a big influence on me. I will surely save you a special place on all the important events that will come in my life in the future. 

Thanks dear… 

conservatism

hey, I need to vent out somewhere since I stopped tweeting… :))

Anyway, I read a blog of a friend of mine reminiscing about high school (it was an old entry… about 3 years ago I think) anyway, it kinda got me thinking… no, not about what I did and what happened during those years, but how much I've changed since then…

then : I never go out of the house and spend time in movies and restaurants with friends

now : Well, let's just say that I am going back to the old times for various reasons… :)

then : I would go straight home after school, watch TV, eat dinner then sleep early and wake up early

now : I loll around at the mall, go spend time in the gym before I go home… earliest would be at around six pm… watch TV, go online, spend way too much time on Facebook, eat dinner, watch more TV and sleep super late… as in dawn kinda late and wake up late!

then : I would never never never be late for anything. Even during my first few years in college

now : I am always late at appointments, late in going to school… well, you get the picture

then : I would never think of going anywhere for over nights if it wasn't school related

now : I want to go away every weekend!!!

then : I never travel alone

now : I'm often alone… haha, it's a choice. :)

then : I never shop for clothes and I always wear big ones

now : I can't seem to stop shopping… O_O

a review : Can't Be Tamed by Miley Cyrus

This is my very first review here of anything and it's of Miley Cyrus' latest album… why?

Here's why!!!

When I first heard Can't Be Tamed from E! News, I thought, "hey, Miley's finally growing up". With the video, the peacock costume and everything… I thought, that she's actually breaking from her squeaky clean Disney princess image… yes, I did use the words "Disney princess" on Miley…

Today, I had the chance to listen to the whole album. Guess what!? DISAPPOINTED! Why? For a lot of people, her Can't Be Tamed is so controversial, for me, it's a new sound from her… a change, a drastic one at that and I came to like her music… she's grown out of the country bumpkin type or the sterotypical pop type kinda girl… BUT! her whole album is still the same!!!

Can't Be Tamed is the only song that's different!!! really now… I feel like the song did not fit in with the other songs… She still sounds like a Disney girl… kinda like Demi Lovato… but Demi's vocals are way better because Miley still has that nasally sound… I am not a hater… it's just that her album is… ugh… disappointed me… :(

Oh, and her album is not the good kinda Disney… I prefer Sterling Knight's StarStruck performances and songs over her album!! O_O

a little too old

Yes, I am a little too old to be watching cartoons and be a big big big fan of Disney. But I am not ashamed to shout it to the world (or at least post it in this blog that hardly anybody if there are still some that visit this) and to my twitter account that I love them!

Why? Is there something wrong with a twenty *bleep* year old girl who loves to enjoy what kids enjoy? No, the country I live in is a democratic country and I can do whatever I want… or so I believe. Nah, kidding. But hey, I know I have a naive attitude, a very playful high spirited characteristic and a seriously childish brain and heart but that's who I am and that's how I want to stay.

This is something good actually. A lot of people my age or younger in fact loves cursing. As in in every statement they utter, there's a curse word in it… Not mine :) I am proud, very proud in fact that I have a clean mouth. I enjoy the simpler things in life… although a lot of people around me might disagree because I love branded things… but the simplest gesture like replying to my message can paint a big smile on my face. The simplest gift, like a greeting, on special occasions can make me the happiest person at that specific moment…

Yeah, I know, I am like a child. Well, hey, I am still a child and I am proud to say that I don't grow up just yet :)

You know the feeling when you are suddenly empty and you feel like you need to make a change in what you're doing and in who you are? Well, I do. And this isn't just happening for the first time, this has happened to me tons of times already. 

I sometimes just suddenly want to cut my hair in the wildest way that I could think of. Like about more than a year ago, after wearing my hair in its layered form for the longest time (nine years) I suddenly decided to put full bangs. Sure, it wasn't extreme. But it didn't stop there. I cut my hair short after wearing it long for nine years… and I kept on cutting it the moment it grew longer to a certain length. I don't know why but cutting my hair felt like I was changing a big part of me. 

Then after swearing off coloring my hair for five years, last March, I got it dyed in a supposedly bright red shade. Well, it turned out like a brownish shade. I simply wanted to change something about myself. 

And now it's the nails and my eyes… I want black polished nails and black eye shadow. I know, trashy right? haha, and I'm just waiting for my hair to grow just a bit more then have it bleached then dyed in a bright red color. It might not be me, but hey, I'll get used to how I will look as time passes. 

Clothes too make a big big difference. I often change my style from time to time, mood to mood and well, color preference. It's like I have this color for the season or something. I'm over the red and black phase in my clothes. I'm not in my white and purple stage. 

Hats! are very very important to me. I used to have this baseball cap craze, then the fisherman's hat, then the berets… now I'm with the fedoras, the panamas and the ivy caps!!! 

Change… the only constant thing in life… 

argh! how come after 10 years of feeling giddy about May 4, this year it's gone and changed into plain frustration?!??!?! 

how come I cannot just talk to you?!??!! 

I want to take something up, a new hobby, a maybe new found passion... just to get my mind straight really.

So I was thinking of archery. How does that sound? We tried it out yesterday at the shooting range at MOA and with 3 arrows to shoot (and I definitely suck at it) I enjoyed it! I would love to have my own bow and arrow and just spend hours and hours at a shooting range. But the problem is, the bow itself is expensive enough and the arrows costs even more! I think...

So, anyone out there who knows somewhere I could buy some of the good stuff but cheaper? I am a beginner and I suck at it... haha, maybe toys perhaps? :P

A topic while having dinner with friends awhile ago amused me and I want to talk about it here because I deeply agree with it and have some personal say on it. 

When a guy reaches thirty, he wouldn't have to be the one to chase and have a hard time to get a girl because girls would be the ones who would chase after him.

Of course, this does not apply to all but for me, it is true. A girl might not notice a guy when he's young but when the guy reaches 30, she might wish that she should have paid more attention to him. Why so? Because a guy gains a brain at 30 years old and above, a guy is more successful (if he is) at this age, more stable and more likely to be serious about settling down (at long last ladies). He might even become more mature. 

With these being said, for the guys, a girl is more likely to settle down with a 30 years old or more guy. Why? Because guys grows more handsome as they grow older IF they are at the said age. Haha, I know, it's quite farfetched and it's only among the chosen few. But think of it this way, when you already have that tummy (after being fit your whole life) and a girl still accepted to settle down with you, you might have her for keeps already. right right? :) 

Another personal thing I shared awhile ago was when asked "what about the muscles on a guy?" Nah, doesn't matter. A guy needs not to be all muscles to be able to attract a woman. In fact, a woman chooses someone who looks like he could be a great provider and a more caring and sensitive man, according to studies, when they want to settle down. This is because they want someone sensitive and loving to take care of their offsprings instead of the "bad boy". For me, I would prefer a leaner or a bit chubbier guy so that he is huggable instead of someone full of muscles and as stiff as a washboard… 

I know a lot of people would definitely disagree with me on these points, but hey, this is me :) 

five years

Lately, I have been not been getting people a lot. Correction, just one. It's like I'm being played and I've been foolishly letting myself be played. Why is that? Am I back to my old hopeless romantic self? It's the first time in five years that I have been like this, letting a person sway me so easily. I know it's pathetic. 

Experts say that significant changes in a person's life can been seen in every seven years of their lives (age 7, 14, 21…) But so far, for me, I have been finding myself changing emotionally every five years… why is that? 

When going back to the very first person I like, it took me five years to get over him. Same goes with the second one. And now, it's been five years since I have let go and here I find myself putting the same, if not more, feelings into another person. So I guess another five years will be wasted? 

"He's the time taken up but it's never enough and he's all I need to fall into…" 

Now I know that you really don't care about me. Despite what others may say or how I interpret you, you really don't care about me at all, not even as a friend. 

Every action you've shown me is nothing… so, thanks for the memories…