yggdrasil

yggdrasil... i have encountered this word a lot this passed few days... actually in shuffle!, ah! megami sama and digimon x-evolution. besides those, the word also appeared in several other games, role playing games, comics, novels, other animes and music. at first i wasn't interested in what it is or what it even stands for... but then, search for knowledge... really now, is this me?

oh well, turns out that yggdrasil is a gigantic ash tree in Norse mythology. it is sometimes called Mímameiðr or Lérað. this gigantic ash tree is thought to connect the nine worlds in Norse cosmology. Ásgard, Álfheimr and Vanaheim rested on the branches of Yggdrasil. The trunk was the world-axis piercing through the center of Miðgarðr, around which Jötunheimr was situated, and below which lay Nidavellir or Svartálfheim. The three roots stretched down to Hel, Niflheim, and Muspelheim, although only the first world hosted a spring for Yggdrasil. (from wikipedia.org) it is also said that it have some relation to odin and ragnarok... i don't really get all these already so i will just stop blabbering... you can check it out in wikipedia if you want more knowledge though.

oh well, in Shuffle!, it was used to describe an experiment made in the demon world... an experiment in life. they wanted to find life with powerful magic and abilities in a human or demon container. terrible... oh well... i won't go into details and spoil everyone else :D

just in case you guys stumble upon this :D

greatest story ever told

Greatest Story Ever Told by Oliver James

Thank you for this moment
I've gotta say how beautiful you are
Of all the hopes and dreams I could've prayed for
There you are
If I could have one dance forever
I would take you by the hand
Tonight it's you and I together
I'm so glad, I'm your man
And if I lived a thousand years
You know, I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you
That day.
But if destiny decided
I should look the other way
Then the world would never know
The greatest story ever told
And did I tell you that I love you tonight?
I don't hear the music
When I'm looking in your eyes
But I feel the rhythm of your body
Close to mine.
Its the way we touch that sends me
Its a way we'll always be
Your kiss, your pretty smile you know I'd die for
Oh baby, your all I need.
And if I lived a thousand years
You know, I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you
That day.
But if destiny decided
I should look the other way
Then the world would never know
The greatest story ever told
And did I tell you that I love you,
Just how much I really need you
Did I tell you that I love you tonight?
(Repeat)

eek! wonder if this will ever be true to me... hope so...

and i thought i have moved on...

and i thought i have moved on...

been lazily following everything that was planned for the day... get that, lazily... went to enchanted kingdom awhile ago... the shortest time that i have spent in an amusement park ever. arrived there at around 1230 i think and went home at around 0359 (went out the gate of ek). i have been looking forward to leaving the pit hole of the day... not that i didn't enjoy being with jill, benny, nikki, karlo, lyka, nix or kervin and everyone else... nope, not that... it's because i really didn't want to go... i wasn't really up to it... in short, i went there to receive the bonus points for our physics class which i need... badly! anyway, i have been anticipating the ride home... but then, while i was in the car, my mind shifted to other scenes... other bits of my memories which only causes me confusion right now... tremendous down pour of confusion... and i thought i have moved on...

nope, not really sadness or any other emotion... last week, i had a dream that i was afraid of something... of something that i have really wanted in the past... i'm afraid! damn it! then my mind shifted to another one... i heard voices... no images no nothing, just pure voices... actually just one voice... mawala na sila, wag lang ikaw... those are the words that rang thru my head and crept thru my heart... i thought they were touching words, something to treasure, something to keep... but i guess i should let it go too right? i mean, i think it really wasn't meant to be said... or to be heard... then the scene shifted once again... a message, not said but written, gno mo aq kluv = infinity ... this caused everything that happened... i'm confused... sure, i know one can love a friend and if a friend is for infinity, then the love is also infinite... right? i shouldn't be thinking about any of this... so i shut it off...

but it didn't stop there... it's like a boob tube changing channels like i was channel surfing only i'm not the one in total control... i wasn't holding the remote control... the channel changed. to where? that i do not know... that i could never answer... maybe the future? i was sitting on a computer table in front of my beloved laptop... doing something, maybe work? the computer clock read 03:58... and it was dark outside like it was still dawn... maybe it's in am and not in pm... the desk lamp was on, and so was the lighting in the room... i was wearing a robe, a red robe actually and my hair was tied up in a knot. my bed wasn't empty, or so i thought... i was half expecting a guy to approach me from behind like the one in my dream about a month ago... a guy who would simply pull my hair down and hug me from behind telling me to stop working and get some rest... but this time, there was none... i'm a workaholic and i was alone... just the way it should always be... eien ni...

then i was shifted back to reality again when the news was on... thank goodness for chaos and havoc! damn it! i really shouldn't be drifting off like that... not anymore... i mean, i have moved on haven't i? or so i thought? that's not good enough... i KNOW i have moved on... i just know... i knew it was too fast, 24 hours and everything was left behind, forgotten... just a thing of the past... was i wrong? am i just pretending? am i just running away again? maybe i really need to sort things out...

confusion confusion... and i thought i have moved on...

but i will... i promised and it shall be kept. because it's the way it should be... i must be alone until i am allowed to have company...

johari

find me good points...
find me bad points...

been watching nonstop anime today because classes have been suspended... just when i had a lot of things to accomplish... oh well, you can't do anything when your country is making nonstop arguements on who is the best one to lead it... haya... people...

finished watching SHUFFLE!, Canvas1, and Full Metal Panic The Second Raid... i love SHUFFLE! the best! oh well, download it if you want... it simply is a must see!!! i won't go around spoiling it for you guys...

truth

it's like i have a lot to confess... but i don't know if this is the right time... i don't even know when the time will be right... i'm happy... right... i long to say the truth... this is hard even for me... i know a lot of people don't believe with the barrier that i have built around me... what's happening to me? i have always spoken the truth in the past... i have always been true with my feelings... then why is it different this time? it's not like i haven't been lost in the past... i want to be true to myself... to confess what i want to say... to let my thoughts be known... that's what this blog is all about, right? so why is it that i can't? why??? am i scared? i shouldn't be scared of anything anymore... i have underwent the most traumatizing experience in my life... i have felt hell all over... i shouldn't be able to feel this anymore... someone please... help me find myself... help me put myself back together... i'm begging you... i want to say everything... simply everything... it's hard to keep it all to myself... it's hard...

eurostar

went to eurostar last night... it's the place to be when you want new adventures, excitement and exhilarating rides in the Philippines. it's also a place to relax and just have a pure enjoyable time!

so here's the scoop: i went there with Jira and Kenevvy... and met uip with mama Tep, Kim, Kurstin and Joanna... Gian was there too with his sister and 2 cuz... i think :D so when we first arrive, we first rode booster, then flipper and so on and so forth... last ride, the carousel!!! i rode booster thrice, flipper twice, ranger thrice, ferris wheel once, carousel once, bumper car once and joker twice. the ride i enjoyed the most, in terms of bonding, i prefer the ferris wheel :D but in terms of fun fun and more fun, i like the joker the best... of course the ranger is next :D only thing i didn't join them in was the haunted house... mama Tep and i wasted 50 bucks!!! oh well... :D problem right now, my neck still has the crick that i got last night... oh well, at least it was worth it, i had the fun i most specially deserve! so... here are some pics taken :D













more pics at the photo page!

sports

since april last year, i have been into different kinds of sports. and to think i am really not the sporty type! anyway, i attended aikido classes with Haze, Jing and Tanya for the summer. a one month course... i didn't get to finish it though cause my body was all bruises every time i got home. anyway, then as i enter DLSU-Manila, pe for the first term is individual... i was thinking maybe it would be swimming or if i'm lucky, badminton. but what i got instead was taekwondo. i was afraid i wouldn't pass since i really am no good in any sport... i was always the last during the forms and everyone will be waiting for me to finish... but instead, because i tried, i got a 4.0 for a final grade! then for LEAP, we took a crash course in knife handling though i wanted so much to enroll in a guitar class... anyway, despite the hot weather, the fullness i was feeling after eating eat-all-the-chicken we can at popeye's, it was fun! :D too bad though, we weren't allowed to handle the real thing... but i tried it at home. so for the second term, pe was dance... ok... ballroom dancing wasn't my thing... anything that includes dancing is really not my thing... i must be the most uncoordinated person ever to exist! but then, ballroom wasn't so bad... it was like free time... the guys did most of the dancing and we girls just followed. kelangan nila kami mapasayaw e... haha! anyway, got to learn how to dance the tango, cha-cha-cha, rhumba and the waltz... actually, the waltz was for our practical test... i was the one who learned it... from final fantasy 8!!! hahaha!!! i also play badminton with Kenevvy once in a while... anyway, now it's volleyball... actually, i enrolled in soccer... foot soccer to be exact... i wanted to be on the football field and just kick and goal! but no, the coach wasn't available for the time slot so we ended up with volleyball... probably the worst for me in team sports! i was saying that i would be willing to attend 3 more peindivs just to nullify the team sport. though i know that it will never be possible. anyway, i sucked at volleyball even though i got a silver medal for the said sport in second year, i didn't play and quit before the game even started... takot ako sa bola e... anyway, today, our team won in our practicals! we were the champs in the round robin! yey! what i would like to say, i enjoyed it... so much! even though i only received once and served around 10 or more times... and failed 2 attempts... i enjoyed it! everytime our team plays, i serve as their captain ball, cheerer and ever so loving number one fan!!! you can see me jumping around the court while others are playing! i learned the rules, and well, i also learned that playing is more fun than just watching people play! :D

but right now, after all that excitement, i can feel my body breaking down again like this morning... no, it isn't what you guys are thinking... this is the reason : last tuesday night, i didn't sleep a wink until 3 am the next day. woke up at 5:30 and didn't have my usual breakfast. nakalipas ng gutom... 1... i didn't get my sleep cause we watched brokeback mountain... slept at 11 pm without dinner... then this morning too... i didn't eat breakfast, i had a glass of water though, big improvement! i could even feel the acids burning my tummy! oooh!!! anyway, attended class and played volleyball... nakalipas ng gutom... 2! then ate lunch... so anyway, as you could see... i haven't been able to take care of my body lately... at least for the past 3 days. goody! hahahha!!! so, i guess playing sports is fun! i want to play more!!!

valentine

feeling much better! as in i'm back to my cheery self, i probably lived the whole day with a smile! i'm back to being so makulit! who thought that it would last for days? me, that's who... haha! maybe i still don't know myself that well... well, i can probably laugh everything from now on!

anyway, valentine's day... no, it has nothing to do with me recovering my old self back, even though today is friday the 13th, i wouldn't care less! anyway, valentine's day... really now, it's so commercialized, exchange of flowers, chocolates, cards and kisses... (oooh! i want orange roses!!!) couples walking to and fro... wonder if they can leave everything by tomorrow? it's sickens me... maybe i'm just jealous because i don't have anyone to give a valentine to... or maybe not, because i'm so glad that i saved a lot (and i mean oodles and oodles)of money for myself! well, i still have the thought of sending myself 3 orange roses and chocolates because i love myself, but, with the things that i have done this past few days? i guess i don't deserve some cause i burned my cash away!!! and sadly, i don't have anything to buy the gifts for myself.. sad sad... wait wait, it's really not because it's valentines that i'm mushy... i am so not mushy! for me, i live it like a normal day, ignoring every couple that pass me by... oh right, for those people in love... good luck! :D

oh well, i guess this blog would be boring from now on... you won't be reading some mushy love entries... i'm so over it! (bilis noh? 2 days lang!!!) hahahha!!! :D anyway, what to expect in my blog... me missing my alma mater, the future that i see myself in, my dreams and fantasies, my hatred of somethings like what i have done wrong or something and so on... just no love entries ever again... why is that? because i swore never to love again... maybe love for my friends, i can live with that! :D

happy valentine's day! **
**oooh!!! i have the sudden craving for pastillas de leche!!!

feeling like an idiot

feeling so much like an idiot right now... actually, since last night...

of all the people to call, why would i call mau?! mau, sorry...
the pain in my eyes still resides... maybe it takes 24 hours to take this pain away... this must be my longest hang over ever! and not because of alcohol... i mean, the last time i did something do stupid must be the summer before 2nd year i think? and that didn't last long enough... after being said that i must find someone else, i stopped... maybe that day being my birthday did some help... right now, i'm still afraid... i don't like this feeling... the feeling of being so frail, so weak, so delicate and even so utterly helpless...

i woke up in the morning, namamaga mata ko... ate breakfast, and vomitted it... wow, nice combination... acidity and depression, what a way to start the day! then moped at engwalk... nothing to do, can't sleep.. i barely got 2 hours of sleep last night! i hate it... feeling so frail... showing my weaknesses...

i'll get over this somehow... i must because i promised... i really can't lie can i?
so here's the truth... i will never love again and i promise you that...

damn! i want to donate 4 pints of my blood tomorrow!

long post syndrome

wah! tagal ko na pala hindi nagpopost... it's either lack of time, too much fun times or too much worry times... oh well... or maybe they are just my "me" time kaya tagal na ako hindi nagpopost... 1 week exact ata... pero i changed the layout na naman e :D

oh well, long post syndrome... why so? last night i was browsing thru some "judenites" because i was hoping to find some things to help me with the layout of MEMo... what i arrived at was our batch's last newspaper... our batch's last win in sportsfest... oh well, of course that is a happy occassion, getting to celebrate another victory with my batch mates for the 5th time... we're all proud of that! but the articles containing stuff about college entrance exams, graduating and retreats won't be disregarded... in fact, that edition of the judenites was more than just a news worthy paper but in fact, something much more... something deeper and something worth keeping and reading over and over again.

i was told that the phase i went thru just when i started entering DLSU was momentary and that i will leave it all in the past as the time goes by... that by the end of the first term, the dragging first term, i will not feel that anymore... well, they're wrong... i miss my high school life... the classes, the recess, lunch breaks, the CAT, the place, the projects, performances, the teachers and specially my friends and batch mates... the more i thought about growing up, the more i want to return to SJCS, my only alma mater. as Catherine Dellosa's article said, i was foolish enough not to look at all the cracks and stuff in the halls of SJCS... i didn't know i would miss it this much though.. that i will never be happy with my college life even though some new friends and old friends are in my life right now... there i go again being all silly because on march 30, it will be officially one year since i hid my green and white uniforms and stash them somewhere in the house... i miss wearing my leather shoes and my cuff links... i miss sitting down at the 4-A classroom and looking at the dark empty room every morning... it is still said to be resided by a ghost, but i don't mind... the company of the ghost every morning is what soothes my soul. it's hard to believe that i took one last step in SJCS as a student... i guess you will never know what means to you until it is gone... right? you might as well say that i took my alma mater for granted so much that i am missing it terribly so... or maybe i am just attached to old memories that always come shouting at me whenever i returned to the quiet halls of SJCS... i miss looking over the Pasig river from the 3rd floor or the 5th floor too... i guess things have undergo a tremendous change since we left SJCS... i know, i was just there during the fair.

as for the retreat, my teambuilding experience with SME was nothing compared to our retreat... even though i admit, i had much more fun during the teambuilding because i get to try out a lot of new stuffs like rappelling, hiking and even watching the sunset on a cliff... but still, our retreat was much more heart warming for me... i enjoyed it a lot... no, the fact that mobile signal was very low in tanay, rizal doesn't have anything to do with it... maybe the close bonds i have with the people was the big factor there...

i guess all these things just went back to me because of a newspaper... and guess what, i have found the perfect layout for the MEMo edition! so, SME members, watch out for the release of MEMo on March 10! it will officially be our, (me, my avp marlon and the rest of the staffers) first release!

200th post

as for my 200th post...

i love this... staying back to back with my dad...

good news

i received a puzzling magazine today... it came all the way from Davao and it's great! i mean, it's full of lessons and answers to questions for those who are in doubt of God... although it's nov-dec 2005 issue... but still, it's really great! big whoop right? no sarcasm, it's free! i wonder who sent it to me... the magazine's name is The Good News...

there was a site there, The Good News , i visited it and thought maybe i subscribed unintentionally... but when i visited it, i really can't remember when i even stumbled upon it. creepy! anyway, you can send this mag to friends, you just have to mail their mailing address or something... i guess someone thought i need this.. they even mispelled my last name! oh well, at least it arrived right?

ok, so what ever the reason is, or who it is, maybe they thought i need a dose of this great mag... so thanks! :D i'm reading it right now... the article about pompeii... there are even a lot of free for request booklets! like "Time of the End?" and "Why Does God Allow Suffering?"... try it out guys, it might be of some help about your questions or doubts about your faith :D

what is the L word

entries after entries of ridiculing love... why is that so? maybe because i'm telling myself to get rid of the horrible feeling... or maybe i'm convincing myself that it is of no use or that i would never even receive any of it... or maybe both... but what is the topic to me anyway? the real meaning? the hidden truth and desire?

the most abused word, love... it is something that ruins a person for the better. you learn to stand up once again after being pushed down, rejected and spit on. it is something that you could never forget even though how many times it has come to you. it is something to open up your senses when you have lost it. and close yourself when you have it.

when is it love to me then?

love is when you wake up in the middle of the night and find yourself wearing a big grin on your face from a dream including your love one. it is when you find yourself crying when you wake up from a nightmare that consist of losing that someone. love is when you can talk to someone straight even though you have looked at the mirror and found a horrible looking person in front of you. it is when you simply like to spend hours silent while looking into each others eyes. it is when you cry because you simply miss him. it is when you hurt when he hurts to. it is when you can't stand the deep plop in your heart when you see him sad... or you're too concern with him when you know that something is not right. love is when you stand in the middle of everyone else and not noticing any of the surroundings because your mind is floating somewhere else...

it is when i can't saying anything to you because i'm scared i might screw things up... it is when i can't handle knowing you are not feeling fine... it it when i worry sick because i know that you are not happy... it is when i have butterflies in my stomach because i feel that i will see you... it is when i can't say anything serious because i can't stand seeing you sad... it is when i cry everytime you ignore me... it is when i feel all confuse when i hear something about you from others... it is when i defend everything bad that others say about you... it is when i put away all my doubts and just believe you... it is when i cry because i miss you... it is when i wake up in the middle of the night and cry because of a bad dream of you walking pass me... it is when i get serious about everything in my life because there is no one else in my mind but you... it is when i think about the future because i only see it with you... it is when i write sappy poems because of the feelings all bottled up inside me... it is when i can't sleep because of walking back down to our memory lane... it is when i want you here beside me because my world is falling in shambles without you... it is when i do little things because i want you to be happy... it is when i simply love you because you're you... and to me, you're perfect...

it seems like i really like this L word... and i really want to feel it too even though i know that it is what makes my life miserable right now...

i love you... always will and as i said, i'm always here for you no matter what...