rain

"as the rain fall, it feels like heaven's crying..."

as i watched the raindrops drop on our car's window, i looked at it and thought of the many things that i usually think about... you know, the stuff that i shouldn't even be thinking about... anyway, i watched it and noticed that every drop that fell is not just one... but it divides into little droplets... wish my life is like that... that i will never be alone... that in the end, there's still someone there for me despite everything... but no! the life i live is a lonely one... it's like i don't have any special friends or even close friends... of course, everyone i know is my friend... trust me... but there are just some people who deserves much more friendship than i expect to give them... that's the people na kinaiinisan ko... this entry is not about them... it's about those people who i consider very special, those people who are like brothers and sisters for me... especially the person who became my best friend from 6th grade til 2nd year... ok, maybe i have a bad luck with best friends, i'm not good at keeping them... that's why i stopped myself from looking further and treated everyone equally... treated everyone the same... but then, awhile ago, i suddenly thought of that past... the best friend who mattered most in my life back then... my hachi mitsu... i guess those poems i wrote are true... someone is still haunting me not because i like them like them... but because they made such an impact in my life that i can never forget... i thought that maybe if we didn't have our arguement, our fight, our dispute, our differences... things will still be the same and i wouldn't have learn the pain that one has to endure in life... the pain that stays with you even if you forget everything else... i guess i have to thank him for that... for opening a new life for me... ok stop!

i can be depressed for the rest of my life... i can be alone for the rest of my life... and yet, i can still be happy for the rest of my life... it's my choice right? i can be afraid to face the future... i can be eager to know what will happen next... it's my choice! well then, i guess i really make my own decision right? i can be whoever i want to be... maybe it's just a phase that i think about these stuff over and over again... i know i will never be alone... and so, i should live my life with a smile from now on!