hey, i just finished rummaging thru all my stuff in here looking for my said lost atm card... gosh!!! i searched for it for like one and a half hour, panicking then i saw it... at my mom's desk... which she supposedly handed it to me last night...
anyway... as i was waiting for my mom to drive me home awhile ago, by the way, i waited for 20 minutes... again! for my mom, it's early... anyway, i was singing "That's When" by Aslyn... i don't know, it seems to be stuck in my mind because of the heart warming lyrics... and then i found myself thinking of what my entry will be for tonight... i was talking to myself back then, mumbling words that i shouldn't say when i'm alone... a girl stood next to me and staring at me... then i realized that i'm talking to myself... anyway, i have forgotten it actually because i was occupied looking for my atm card... i think it went something like this:
lately, i would be lieing if i said i've been happy beyond words... or even just plain happy. i know being with my friends makes my daily load lighter even just a teensy bit... but still, the load i carry is more like a burden to me now... i found myself wiping off tears from my eyes during our 10 minute breaks between ansogeo, kaspil and chemone... good thing nobody saw me... i was really quiet... thinking about stuff that i shouldn't even be thinking of... i mean, of course i miss some high school friends... but i figured out that there is no such thing as high school friends... nor there's such as college friends... why? because everyone is a friend no matter when i got to know them... college life is still hard for me... i've stayed in dlsu manila for almost 5 months now and i still haven't gotten use to everything... actually, i'm quite comfy of the place but not the people... in short, i still haven't adjust... i guess it's not because i can't but it's because i really don't want to. i still prefer being with good ol fellow judenites... of course there are also a few number of new friends that i enjoy their company and wish to know them a little bit more... but maybe because of what i have went thru in high school, i have made a barrier not to get too attached to anybody because i'm afraid to get hurt once again... i mean, i spend time in dlsu manila not to get attached to new people or stay in the past... i'm there for a reason... and that reason is manufacturing engineering and management. i enter eng gate everyday to get at least a 1.0 in all my courses... not that i am contented with 1.0... as much as possible, i try my best to get a 4.0 in all my courses...
anyway, those tears i shed are not for my friends... they're not even for my problems... not even for my grades if that's what your thinking... those tears are not tears of joy... but tears of misery... i'm a lone wolf... i know how to live alone... i actually prefer it sometimes... but sometimes i just long for someone's hug, for someone's shoulder to cry on, for someone's ears to listen to me, for someone's voice to listen to, for someone's eyes to drift away in... everybody knows who that special someone is to me... i miss him... whenever i close my eyes, i always wish that if i open it, i will see no one, nothing, but him... but i know it will never be possible... i know it will be impossible for me to give this up... it's impossible for me to forget... it's impossible for me not to dream... it's impossible for me not to wish and fantasize...
so i guess, the answer... not quite people... not quite...
i guess being a person in this world gives me a reason to live it on... i may not be a princess and will never be because i'm not royalty or of royal descent... but trust me, i am a princess in my own way... it's all thanks to someone... who makes me feel like i'm a princess whenever he's around...
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