forget

how can you forget an anniversary? the most memorable moment? the most unforgettable smile? your first kiss? your first love? or even something that you put your heart into? or the simplest hello from a friend? or maybe something you did that required you to gather all your guts...

in life, that's one thing in life that i need to lie about... i never forget. even though there are somethings that i don't intend to remember, i remember them... even a birthday of someone i never really liked, it's still here in my mind. i don't even know why... maybe there are just somethings in life that isn't fair... that are just meant to continue on hurting you and leaving you in pain for the rest of your life... making it painstaking and miserable to live on. how can we forget them? how can i learn how to forget things that i really want to forget?

i was told that looking for a hobby gets your mind off things... i got lots of hobbies! but then, when i'm engaged in something, the more my mind goes running back to that something that i want to forget? i engaged in various activities and became active in night outs... but then, the moment i open my mouth to speak, nothing comes out but the one i want to forget... or maybe i would keep silent about that something but deep inside my head, there it is... running around and not letting me live my life as i want to. i know i have total control of my life, my body and my decisions... but this i ask... do we have total control of our brains and our emotions? i'm not really sure what to answer if i will be the one being asked. maybe i would say that we have because we do want we want... that's why the total control of our brains... and as for the emotions, we laugh when we want to and stop when we want to. easy right? wrong... why is that? because we don't have control over our brains when we go to sleep... when we dream about stuff or anything else... we don't have control over our emotions, because when something happens and we don't really want it to happen or we just can't simply face the facts, even though we don't want to cry... we tend to cry.

1 philosophy i want to believe in... "to see is to believe." what i don't see, i will not believe that it even exists. one example? the most annoying and confusing emotion there is, love. i'm not even sure if it exists. first of all, you can't see it, you can't hear it, you can't smell it nor can you touch it. how can you say you're in love? how could you even say that you know the feeling of being in love when your five senses can't even sense it? what? intuition? intuition or instincts can be mistaken... because it is something you just tend to believe but not really analyze it and take it to careful considerations... it is simply a hunch... something unreal, something you just thought of, the first thing that popped into your mind.

back to forgetting... i was also told not to think about it... the question is... how??? they make it sound so easy... so simple and yet when you try to do it... it's just so complicated. you can't simply forget the past... move on and act like nothing happened! because in reality, something did happen that's why you want to escape from it, forget it! turn your back and walk away, sounds easy right? the moment you reach your sanctuary, you cry, bang your head unto the wall or bang at a table or simply throw everything in sight... emotion... simply emotion. see? you can't see it but it eats you up... one by one... pieces to pieces until you're left there alone, crawling, hoping that there will be someone out there to help you back up because you are too weak to stand on your own and get back on your life... what more if you want to pace things up? ah! having high expectations to finish something and get ahead of everyone then suddenly you tripped and everyone else went ahead of you. ouch right? it's like you lost everything and your life... it's like there's no one to light the candle in front of you in order to see where you're supposed to go. how could you forget that time? how could you simply ignore that everything happened? how could you simply walk away from such a painful memory?

i think the world is a painful place to live and dwell upon... the people around us makes it even harder. but then, there are those special people who will be able to lighten up your burden, help you get back on your knees... and you won't forget them... there are just somethings that you want to leave in the past and never bring them with you... but still, there are somethings that no matter how much you want to get rid of, they're still with you because they are also the ones you lighten up your road in some path of your journey...

let me repeat my question again... how could i forget something or someone so important to me? how could i forget the most memorable thing that happened? how could i forget the wishes that had been fulfilled? how could i forget someone i put my whole life into? how could i forget something i put all my guts into? how could i forget the most spectacular feeling that i have ever felt? how could i forget something that has an impact in my individuality? how could i forget the person who made everything possible? how could i forget the person who i have loved so much? and most importantly, how could i forget how to love?