:: it's hard to hide and live a lie ::

let's talk about that for a while... then after that let's talk about my usual status in ym these days... :D

it's hard to hide and live a lie... everyone knows it's true... of course unless you had a sudden case of amnesia! then, you are not running but you are living a new life... and that's not even a lie... anyway, i have tried this stuff for quite some time now... and i really am finding it hard to suppress what i feel... i mean, as for the people who really knows me... they know that i am someone who likes to express myself in different ways and i cam also be really active or very passive around someone... so, hiding... hiding from what?! running from what?! i'm constantly running away from myself... my emotions... i don't want it to take the best of me or what's left of me... i mean, i know i am not that emotionally strong... in fact, i admit that i am a coward at heart... i may not fear horror movies much (well, disgusted maybe or surprised but never afraid and can't sleep during the night) i may not fear to try something new once in a while or to let people know how i feel... but i am a coward.. why? it's because i am afraid to get hurt emotionally and physically. i know, it's lame... i'm afraid of rejection and people who burst out when they are angry... ok... about the live a lie thing?! well, if you run, you naturally hide from what you are running from and when you ditched the thing that you are hiding from, then you sometimes start and act like nothing happened... it's like you want to forget everything but you simply can't... and well, when you act like nothing really happened and deep down you feel really stumped about it coz it keeps on haunting you wherever you go or whatever you do... then you are living a lie... i mean, at least for me it is... it's hard... been there, done that, bought the t-shirt...

then now, let's move on to "i succeeded in hurting the first person i loved. i wish more than anything i could take it back, but i guess that's not possible"--Sebastian; Cruel Intentions this is my status in ym these days and some people are wondering why... coz you know, i live a very happy life right now and still, my status message is well, "parang para sa mga sawi" well, i never really hurt the first person i loved... i mean, i don't even know if i can hurt someone emotionally... anyway, it's just that Cruel Intentions is really my favorite movie and this is my favorite line from it... maybe i can relate to it somehow but not entirely... i mean, um... you just have to draw your own conclusions for that one! :D

that's it!

tama_chan