You know the feeling when you are suddenly empty and you feel like you need to make a change in what you're doing and in who you are? Well, I do. And this isn't just happening for the first time, this has happened to me tons of times already. 

I sometimes just suddenly want to cut my hair in the wildest way that I could think of. Like about more than a year ago, after wearing my hair in its layered form for the longest time (nine years) I suddenly decided to put full bangs. Sure, it wasn't extreme. But it didn't stop there. I cut my hair short after wearing it long for nine years… and I kept on cutting it the moment it grew longer to a certain length. I don't know why but cutting my hair felt like I was changing a big part of me. 

Then after swearing off coloring my hair for five years, last March, I got it dyed in a supposedly bright red shade. Well, it turned out like a brownish shade. I simply wanted to change something about myself. 

And now it's the nails and my eyes… I want black polished nails and black eye shadow. I know, trashy right? haha, and I'm just waiting for my hair to grow just a bit more then have it bleached then dyed in a bright red color. It might not be me, but hey, I'll get used to how I will look as time passes. 

Clothes too make a big big difference. I often change my style from time to time, mood to mood and well, color preference. It's like I have this color for the season or something. I'm over the red and black phase in my clothes. I'm not in my white and purple stage. 

Hats! are very very important to me. I used to have this baseball cap craze, then the fisherman's hat, then the berets… now I'm with the fedoras, the panamas and the ivy caps!!! 

Change… the only constant thing in life… 

argh! how come after 10 years of feeling giddy about May 4, this year it's gone and changed into plain frustration?!??!?! 

how come I cannot just talk to you?!??!! 

I want to take something up, a new hobby, a maybe new found passion... just to get my mind straight really.

So I was thinking of archery. How does that sound? We tried it out yesterday at the shooting range at MOA and with 3 arrows to shoot (and I definitely suck at it) I enjoyed it! I would love to have my own bow and arrow and just spend hours and hours at a shooting range. But the problem is, the bow itself is expensive enough and the arrows costs even more! I think...

So, anyone out there who knows somewhere I could buy some of the good stuff but cheaper? I am a beginner and I suck at it... haha, maybe toys perhaps? :P

A topic while having dinner with friends awhile ago amused me and I want to talk about it here because I deeply agree with it and have some personal say on it. 

When a guy reaches thirty, he wouldn't have to be the one to chase and have a hard time to get a girl because girls would be the ones who would chase after him.

Of course, this does not apply to all but for me, it is true. A girl might not notice a guy when he's young but when the guy reaches 30, she might wish that she should have paid more attention to him. Why so? Because a guy gains a brain at 30 years old and above, a guy is more successful (if he is) at this age, more stable and more likely to be serious about settling down (at long last ladies). He might even become more mature. 

With these being said, for the guys, a girl is more likely to settle down with a 30 years old or more guy. Why? Because guys grows more handsome as they grow older IF they are at the said age. Haha, I know, it's quite farfetched and it's only among the chosen few. But think of it this way, when you already have that tummy (after being fit your whole life) and a girl still accepted to settle down with you, you might have her for keeps already. right right? :) 

Another personal thing I shared awhile ago was when asked "what about the muscles on a guy?" Nah, doesn't matter. A guy needs not to be all muscles to be able to attract a woman. In fact, a woman chooses someone who looks like he could be a great provider and a more caring and sensitive man, according to studies, when they want to settle down. This is because they want someone sensitive and loving to take care of their offsprings instead of the "bad boy". For me, I would prefer a leaner or a bit chubbier guy so that he is huggable instead of someone full of muscles and as stiff as a washboard… 

I know a lot of people would definitely disagree with me on these points, but hey, this is me :) 

five years

Lately, I have been not been getting people a lot. Correction, just one. It's like I'm being played and I've been foolishly letting myself be played. Why is that? Am I back to my old hopeless romantic self? It's the first time in five years that I have been like this, letting a person sway me so easily. I know it's pathetic. 

Experts say that significant changes in a person's life can been seen in every seven years of their lives (age 7, 14, 21…) But so far, for me, I have been finding myself changing emotionally every five years… why is that? 

When going back to the very first person I like, it took me five years to get over him. Same goes with the second one. And now, it's been five years since I have let go and here I find myself putting the same, if not more, feelings into another person. So I guess another five years will be wasted? 

"He's the time taken up but it's never enough and he's all I need to fall into…" 

Now I know that you really don't care about me. Despite what others may say or how I interpret you, you really don't care about me at all, not even as a friend. 

Every action you've shown me is nothing… so, thanks for the memories… 

top 10 for 2009

been inspired by tep to make this list...

top 10 hottest guys (for me) for year 2009 : 

1. Ian Somerhalder - nothing hotter than a very very naughty but very in love vampire! Ian's character, Damon, in The Vampire Diaries is someone who you can both hate and love at the same time.

2. Alexander Skarsgard - Scandinavian guy who captured my eye playing, what else, a vampire in True Blood

3. Carlos Bocanegra - hot guy with a hot bod... one word, soccer! voted as one of E!'s sexiest sports men.

4. Ryan Reynolds

5. Bradley James

6. Andy Roddick

7. David Boreanaz

8. Ed Westwick

9. Taylor Kitsch

10. Chris Daughtry

Bradley Cooper

dumbfounded

I'm just too depressed right now... to even think about what I'm really feeling...

Most people say that to forget someone, you need another person into your life... but that's not always true... for me it wasn't true this time around...

Pathetic... need a drink...

life

I really don't feel like I have a life right now. Specially since my life just revolves around school stuff right now. I really don't have the chance to just go out and have fun. When I do go out, it always seem to be related to school stuff in one way or another. No drinks, no movies, no games... just medicals, interviews and lots and lots of logic tests! (which i am very proud to say that i got a 93% and a 95%!!!) Seems na ngayon ko lang natitikman ang pagiging engineering student ko!!!

It's not that I don't like what's happening. I mean, I really enjoy this stuff. At least most of what I'm doing will be very beneficial to me in the future. And this is really what I'm so looking forward to... to have a job and to grow up. Leave the school stuff and go on to the mastery of the career path that I have chosen. And I am really not regretting a single moment of it! Well, except for hte CBC test during my medical because I really really hate injections and well, my blood! haha :)

sick and tired

love is not synonymous to pain, is it? like is not synonymous to rejection either... relationship is not synonymous to enemies and commitment is not synonymous to broken promises...

am i not right? but sometimes, it feels like everything above is synonymous to each other... to love is to inflict pain on oneself, to like is to throw oneself to rejection and maybe later on despair and regret, to be in a relationship is to break the friendship and to commit oneself is to break all promises made...

cooling off and talk are just nice words to cover up break up and it's just not there anymore, are they? why do we people always want to hurt ourselves by liking someone, by loving someone and giving oneself to someone to take care of? are we really socially dependent or do we just like others to think highly of us because we have someone and others don't?

one thing's for sure, people are not socially dependent. and the term independent is not given the right meaning. the term independent for me is to have no one around even when you need them. to be socially independent is to be a man stranded on a deserted island. but still he is not independent because he depends on nature to give him food, shelter and clothing. but no one can survive alone... right?

that's why i think that even the smartest person who is bounded to someone, whether his parents, his friends, colleagues or someone they love, are stupid. because being dependent means giving oneself troubles, problems and pain which they will encounter over and over again... i am stupid... forgive me.

cheater

i really miss this blog of mine... i remember the days when i post an entry almost every day or sometimes twice a day... it's like my best friend wherein i post every single one of my thoughts without thinking that someone might read it because for me, this is my paradise... but now, i don't think anyone even remembers this blog... but still, i post my inner thoughts in it, things that i like, things that are important to me and things that i feel guilty about... even though i also started blogging in my multiply site...

so, today's entry isn't anything about the past... it isn't anything about what i have written before... this is a new thing... a new one...

this was supposed to be posted long ago, i think 2 weeks ago... it's really been eating me. this is the question : is it consider cheating when you had lunch with another person while you are in a relationship? or is it the thing 'what he doesn't know won't hurt him' kind? and is it considered to be cheating when it is with an 'almost' much younger but more mature cousin? and this cousin is also in a relationship... but the lunch is nothing like any ordinary lunch out with anyone... it kinda turned out to be a... date?...

*SIGH*

past

i wonder if anyone still visits this blog...

anyway, i had this dream the other night, 11 May 2008. Actually, i don't really understand why i had this dream at all but anyway, i want too post it here.

We were in an electronics class, at first, i was with my usual college laboratory class with all my college classmates. The teacher asked us to plant a seed instead of making our project. He asked us to look for a flowering plant that can be found within the books that surrounded us and ask the technician for the seed. The first one that I planted was surrounded by strawberries so i changed the soil. the next one was too flooded but i didn't care and left the seed to grow. the technician then asked me to find a book in the library but someone found it before me. when i returned to the lab, i saw maxi painting something and that he spilled ferric chloride on the floor. i approached him to help him clean it up but saw his painting. he was painting a scene with something to put in between... i really didn't understand. then someone kicked me hard, a person, let's call him 'past', was sitting beside maxi with a girl that i knew. i told him to stop it since i wasn't minding him at all. then he said he wanted to talk to me so we went outside to talk. before he even said a word, i woke up...

its really strange why he was in my dream again after more than a year now...

happy new year

happy new year! well, its not really the start of the new year but it's just now that I had the time to update my blog or do anything at all.

Anyway, spent my Christmas vacation in Cagayan de Oro. During the first week, we went to different places. we went to the caves, to Bukidnon, to Duka bay and lastly we went rafting! It was fun, fun and fun! after my uncle and my aunt went back home, i spent the remaining 1 week helping out my aunt with the business. each night that i got home, i really, really need a bath! and that means 2 times with the soap just to get the smell or stench out. nag amuy sibuyas, bawang, banana blossom, chlorine, tawas and paminta ako!!! wah! but it was fun! :D

of course, my stay there didn't have to be boring even though there is no time to use the computer, surf the net or watch tv. At night, before i go to bed, i have a book with me. Anyway, it didn't have to be boring because i have this series of shopping sprees. :D i had only 2 actually. :D

So when i went there, i only brought a duffel bag or an over night bag for my clothes. but when i went back here last jan 5, my clothes were a duffel bag and a mandarin orange box! haha :P And from my usual 2 phones, i brought home 3! hehe, so it was a Happy Christmas and a happy new year! :D

To share the experience with you, please go to my multiply for my pictures! :D thanks!

and now, its back to school and reading manga :P

the more I don't understand

Now that Christmas break is about to start (because today is dooms day number uncountable), I now have enough time to watch my series, shop and read manga. I watched Da Capo, although I'm not yet done with it.

And there's something I can't understand again. Not that I have understood it already, but it just came back to haunt my thoughts.

Why is it that most men are insensitive about women's feelings or why do they turn a blind eye towards it so that the gals "won't get hurt"? In Da Capo, this girl Kotori did everything for the main guy because she likes him. Not that she wants something in return, but she did all that because she loves him and she wants him to be safe and healthy. Since he was an irresponsible guy, she passes by his house to cook him food, clean his house, do his laundry etc. But then, when this guy's "sister" (orphaned by his family but not really blood related and has become his lover) returned from college, he wents back chasing this girl. Now, Kotori, the girl who was by his side while his sister was away, is now being shunned. Not in the sense of a cold shoulder, but in the sense that she wasn't that much entertained already by the guy. She understood. But because she loves the guy, she can't help but to get hurt. She sacrifices stuff, like fun, for her not to cause any problems for the guy. She says that seeing him happy makes him happy.

Now, the thing I don't really understand is that why do guys, even though they know that the girl likes them already, still persist on making her his "friend". Do they think that it is the best way in order not to hurt the girls? Or sometimes, they ignore them. Do they think that not confronting the problem is the best way to solve things? Why don't they just say it directly and let the girl decide what she wants to do with the situation?

Hay... nevermind this post. :P

boo!

BOO!

i guess i'm back... for now anyway. first sem is over and i can't say its been easy because its not! with all the prof watching our every move in all our labs... oh well, can't blame them, we disobeyed a lot of times and i guess they just snapped. now, tomorrow's course card day, doomsday number 9 for me... haha :P

anyway, just this friday, i finally got enrolled in a driving school! thank GOD!!! haha! and since saturday, i have been learning how to handle an automobile. been driving for 4 hours now... not much progress but i guess no one would be interested since driving is not supposed to be a new thing for a 20 year old! gosh!!! haha! :P

so anyway, nothing has been happening much... oh yeah, i've got a 1 year old bunny! haha!!! that's an accomplishment for me since all the bunnies that i've taken home seemed to die in just 4 months or less... haha!!! but this bunny is different... it molted here and right now, he's just fat, dirty and lazy! but still cute anyway :P

about cuteness, check out my multiply and take a peek in the Cuties folder and check out the cute little babies and puppies! don't mind the pikachu pin... haha! :P

anyway, i'll just drop by again in a few months or so...

~berries 'n' cream, mysh

oh yeah, i finished watching the oc from seasons 1-4 except! except except except for season 3's season finale!!! wah! i can't find any copy of it! help me please! somebody!!! (crying out for HELP!)

munchkin!

hey, after a long time of not posting any entries and not hearing from me, im finally back! with really nothing that interesting to talk about sadly... haha!

anyway, my life has been nothing but smooth... although i may have a few set backs in my acads, i am still hanging on to my course. enjoying it actually. :) of course, i have my friends to thank for most of the fun encountered in school (look in my multiply account to check out the pictures) and of course my life, my light, my munchkin. :D

so anyway, what else is there to say? a! my fiction! i guess i can't continue writing it anymore... first of all, i don't have any time at all to update it. and secondly and i think what's most important in writing a fiction or anything at all, i can't let my imagination run loose like the way it did in the past. i've lost all inspiration to contunue writing it... first i had the perfect plot, the perfect twist and the happily ever after ending that every reader wants to read even though it never happens in reality, but hey, that's what they want, don't we all? we just want to dream a bit, read what's missing in our lives and as for me, write about what my dreams are... anyway, but as it goes on i've lost track of the actual plot, the twist became more twisted and truthfully, i find it dull and very weird even for me! haha! and i can't change it already because i have forgotten what i really want in the first place. so for those people who read my second fic, i'm sorry but i just can't continue it. because there's nothing missing in my life that i want to write about. and most of my dreams have been fulfilled. :D

so what else is there to say? oh yeah, 4 weeks of summer vacation... mine? fully booked! 3 weeks still spent in school with 3 and a half hours locked up in air conditioned rooms. haha! i wouldn't really consider it unlucky because outside the temperature reaches up until 36 to 37 degrees! burning! then before dinnertime i go to the gym when there's no class like tomorrow, i go to the gym in the morning. then i guess after may 17, which is our finals in summer term and my death call because i will be taking MECATWO and STRENTH successively with 30 minutes in between, i will be enrolled in a driving school to get my liscence before the term starts. and i still haven't gone to my pastport interview! wah!

so as you can see, i'm kinda busy busy busy!

ja ne!
~mysh

trust

after 6 years of not minding this topic, it finally came back to haunt me... "TRUST".

some people may think what's wrong with it, what's the problem with it? if a person is your friend, you should trust him and if this person is a special someone, the more that you should trust him! right? i have nothing against the special someone, i know that this person is special to you mainly because you trust him enough to want to spend your life with him. but here's the thing, what about friends?

there are also different kind of friends, some friends that you have known for life and others for a short while maybe a year or two or even a bit more than that. i have no problem trusting old friends, friends that i have known for almost all my life... but here's the thing, what about new friends? of course some people i learned how to trust, almost too quickly because they earned my trust in that way.

but there are some people who earned my trust but right now, extinguishing it slowly. in short, after being with them for more than two years, i'm starting to doubt and i honestly say that i am confused right now. maybe all these things that are happening right now are just starting to get to my nerves... opening up the part of me who doesn't easily welcome people into my life, who always have a hard time to trust people and doubt almost everyone.

so, tust, is it something that i really need? is it important to friendship and all other relationship between two people? i think yes but what do i know? i'm only human after all.

Christmas

my holidays have never been this good! have a very merry Christmas indeed, and no, there is no mark of sarcasm.

last night, i laid a cushion outside our room and stayed there for about thirty(30) minutes or so looking at the night sky filled with stars. we usually do this in DLSU, sa ampi. and we get to see a lot of shooting stars. last night i saw one... a red one. it was short but i made my wish. and then i thought about what Mrs. Ang, our LITERA1 prof told us when we read "Dead Stars" by Paz Marquez i think... half of the stars we see at night are already dead. they twinkle or shed light to us because it takes light years for the light to reach our planet. then i thought what it has to do with me and everything that's happening around me at that time...

and then i thought, nothing... i didn't need to be dead to shed light to others, i didn't need to be dead or take up a long time before i can make others smile. i just needed to be me right now... and i know i am going nowhere with this. but the bottom line is, i realized how nice it is to be alive and to be with someone other than myself.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

and thank you baby for making this a very special Christmas...

less papers...

vortex has been moved due to "typhoon"... take note of the quote and quote!!!

anyway, papers has been done and lessened to a matengi paper and a 20-pt bonus problem set in elecone... next week is exam week and after that is vortex and doomsday number 5 (meaning 5th course card distribution)!!! this week, it's just the last meetings in every subject...

time flies so fast when you're having fun... and i do mean fun! despite the paper works, the cramming, the results... i still have my fun! maybe those of you who often see me can notice that my phone doesn't stop from lighting up... it doesn't beep nor vibrate... it just lights up and yet i can't seem to figure out if its the battery that has a problem or my constant texting... haha! either way, my phone gets a DAILY charging...

oh well, visit http://petmysh.multiply.com! and have fun with our daily pictures in la salle... i don't need to write it down here because a picture costs a thousand words right? you can see we really have a lot of fun!

time for my greetings!

3.Dec - Happy Birthday to my beloved cousin, Scott!!!
6.Dec - Happy Birthday Herschel!!!
6.Dec - Happy Birthday Maxi!!! i miss your huggies!!!
7.Dec - Happy Birthday Lyni!!!